What if it was their child, how would they feel then?
Exactly. I think people just assume things like that don't happen to THEIR kids... until they do.:/ No one wants to believe that really bad things happen to good people - so they tell themselves that whoever met with a gruesome fate must have somehow deserved it. However absurd it may seem to think that way. *sigh* Example: you know what my mother said of Polanski's victim? That she must have been a "spoiled brat", and "what was she doing in his house at night anyway???" Yes, that's a direct quote from a woman, a mother of two daughters, and also someone who has narrowly avoided being raped herself on at least two occasions that I know of (!!!). This is what our misogynist culture does to people's minds. Now, you know I have issues with my mother - but I never actually expected her to say something so callous without even realizing how nonsensical it was. It shocked me speechless. I didn't argue, simply because I felt stunned. I'm sure if anything like that ever happened to either me or my sister, she would want to tear the guy's heart out with her own bare hands - and yet, some other faceless teenager apparently deserved to be raped, because she was a "spoiled brat" and happened to be in a grown man's house at night. Somehow, the man is not responsible here (!!!). And I used to think, you know, that my parents were pretty liberal for their generation. Well... that certainly put things into perspective.:/
On the other hand, maybe I would have felt the same way if I hadn't been exposed to so much feminist literature as a result of questioning my own sexuality. If I had been straight and never left the small provincial town I grew up in... If I had been raised Catholic etc.etc.etc. It's scary to think how hard it can be for most people to escape the mold they were stuffed into, how much it takes to change the way you see the world... There is so much oppression and prejudice, and we learn not to see it - and when we are forced to see it, we rationalize and justify it.:/ Another argument people use in favor of Polanski (and that my mother also used) is that the victim withdrew the charges. Which apparently means that the whole thing wasn't such a big deal for her (!!!). I mean... do they ever stop to think how terribly humiliating it must be to have something like that discussed in public?... To relive it again and again, while trying to convince a sceptical crowd that yes, it really happened???... Does it take some superhuman powers of empathy to imagine that?... I thought not. I mean, it never happened to me, and yet I have no trouble seeing how horrific it must be. I am not that exceptional, am I?... *blinks*
Um... sorry for the rant, yet again. I am preaching to the choir here, and I probably should talk to my parents instead - or some other people who don't seem to grasp the problem. But it's easier to vent to someone who I know will understand - which makes it kind of pointless in a way, I suppose, but well... there you go. That's the kind of fearless "activist" I am.;) *sigh*
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Date: 2011-03-21 01:10 am (UTC)Exactly. I think people just assume things like that don't happen to THEIR kids... until they do.:/ No one wants to believe that really bad things happen to good people - so they tell themselves that whoever met with a gruesome fate must have somehow deserved it. However absurd it may seem to think that way. *sigh* Example: you know what my mother said of Polanski's victim? That she must have been a "spoiled brat", and "what was she doing in his house at night anyway???" Yes, that's a direct quote from a woman, a mother of two daughters, and also someone who has narrowly avoided being raped herself on at least two occasions that I know of (!!!). This is what our misogynist culture does to people's minds. Now, you know I have issues with my mother - but I never actually expected her to say something so callous without even realizing how nonsensical it was. It shocked me speechless. I didn't argue, simply because I felt stunned. I'm sure if anything like that ever happened to either me or my sister, she would want to tear the guy's heart out with her own bare hands - and yet, some other faceless teenager apparently deserved to be raped, because she was a "spoiled brat" and happened to be in a grown man's house at night. Somehow, the man is not responsible here (!!!). And I used to think, you know, that my parents were pretty liberal for their generation. Well... that certainly put things into perspective.:/
On the other hand, maybe I would have felt the same way if I hadn't been exposed to so much feminist literature as a result of questioning my own sexuality. If I had been straight and never left the small provincial town I grew up in... If I had been raised Catholic etc.etc.etc. It's scary to think how hard it can be for most people to escape the mold they were stuffed into, how much it takes to change the way you see the world... There is so much oppression and prejudice, and we learn not to see it - and when we are forced to see it, we rationalize and justify it.:/ Another argument people use in favor of Polanski (and that my mother also used) is that the victim withdrew the charges. Which apparently means that the whole thing wasn't such a big deal for her (!!!). I mean... do they ever stop to think how terribly humiliating it must be to have something like that discussed in public?... To relive it again and again, while trying to convince a sceptical crowd that yes, it really happened???... Does it take some superhuman powers of empathy to imagine that?... I thought not. I mean, it never happened to me, and yet I have no trouble seeing how horrific it must be. I am not that exceptional, am I?... *blinks*
Um... sorry for the rant, yet again. I am preaching to the choir here, and I probably should talk to my parents instead - or some other people who don't seem to grasp the problem. But it's easier to vent to someone who I know will understand - which makes it kind of pointless in a way, I suppose, but well... there you go. That's the kind of fearless "activist" I am.;) *sigh*