Floating Leaf (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
floatingleaf) wrote2010-08-03 10:55 pm
floatingleaf) wrote2010-08-03 10:55 pm
Entry tags:
wherein I fail at being quick and concise, as usual
Because I haven't posted in over a week, and because I feel like sharing, here's an interesting article on sexuality:
http://www.alternet.org/sex/147677/why_are_we_often_terrified_of_our_own_sexuality/
Yes, this is the kind of stuff I read while at work.:P (At home, I read fanfic.:D) And since I have recently discussed sex-related topics with several different people, includingilluins_lair and that old friend from Poland who uses me as her private long-distance shrink (;D), I thought the above piece might provide some new perspectives on the subject. Written by a guy who describes himself as "heterosexual, but not straight". Hmmm... intriguing. Marianne, I have a feeling you will totally agree with a lot of what he has to say.:D
I wish I could somehow formulate my own thoughts that have been provoked by the above and let them run away with me... but if I try to do that, this post will take hours to finish, and I simply don't have those hours in store.:/ I am perpetually behind on emails and comment replies (I will get there, I promise!...), there is a mountain of dirty dishes in my sink and I REALLY need to be in bed by midnight every day if I want to feel remotely human at 7 a.m. the next morning (stayed up too late last Sunday, finishing a long-delayed email to a friend; as a result Monday was spent in zombie-mode and I dropped like a log around 11 p.m. - which still didn't prevent me from having trouble getting up THIS morning and being late for work yet again :|). So I have to stay really organized and basically take life one thing at a time - otherwise I will loose my tentative grip on reality and succumb to CHAOS.:P
Work is busy, btw, and I am doing one of those projects again that might require some phone calls. It's not an urgent thing this time - meaning it is perfectly fine to email people first and give them a few days to respond - but if they don't respond, it is sort of understood that at some point I would try to call them. So I've been trying. I made one call yesterday while most of my team went over to the boss's cubicle to discuss some other project she was about to put them on; the one person not involved in said project was sitting with her back to me, wearing headphones as she often does - so for all intents and purposes she wasn't really there either.;) I know I still talked too quietly for the person on the other end of the line (she asked me to repeat a thing or two) - but I managed to get the information I needed. And then today - another call. Around 5 p.m., after everybody else had gone home already (thanks to the blessing of flexible hours, most people on my team usually leave earlier than I do; and the newspaper in question is in California, so thanks to the time difference the person I called was still there). That was almost easy... lol. I say almost, because I don't think it's ever going to be easy for me... What I mean by "easy" is that I didn't feel like I was going to throw up.:/ But it sort of confirmed what I already suspected somewhere deep down: that the only way to overcome this phobia is to consistently keep trying to face it. The thing is, I usually avoid facing my fears until someone/something forces me to... and then I either freak out completely (like that time I asked the boss to take me off the call project), or suddenly realize that there is nothing to be afraid of. Whether the first or the second option happens depends entirely on the manner of being "forced": if I am told I HAVE to do something that I firmly believe is beyond me, I will panic and undertake desperate measures to get out of it (about 15 years ago, I literally - subconsciously, deceiving myself as much as everyone else - developed an "illness" that made me drop out of my university studies, because I didn't see any other way to avoid teaching practice, which terrified me); but if I am given an opportunity to approach the problem gradually and at my own pace, with very little pressure to "get on with it already", it is very likely that I WILL get on with it, if only to see for myself if I can (again, if I feel pressured, I will most likely have some kind of psychosomatic breakdown and "call in sick" - literally or metaphorically - to avoid the stress). So, all things considered, it is very fortunate indeed that I find myself in precisely the kind of workplace that lets me do things my way. Otherwise I would never have a chance at overcoming this particular mental block (the phone "stage fright", as I call it) - because I would probably have to either "get over it now" or get fired. One more thing to keep in mind when I am in the mood for complaining about the low pay. *nods*
Dammit... how did it get so late again?... I was just going to make this quick post and... yeah. *headshake* Apparently, my definition of "quick" doesn't match the socially accepted standard.:/ As in, a "quick" email usually means I only spent a few hours writing it, as opposed to a few days. Yes, really. *sigh* As exemplified by a conversation with a coworker, wherein I said that I had stayed up an hour or so past my usual bedtime, because I wanted to finish an email. "My God!...", said he, amazed. "What sort of an email was that???..." It took me a while to realize that apparently, to him (or to most people, perhaps?...), it was very unusual for the writing of an email to take more than a few minutes. Alternate reality, anyone?...:/
Well... quick or not, my posting time is over. I need to start getting ready for bed - unless I want to deprive myself of the physiologically obligatory QUICK 7-hour nap.:P
http://www.alternet.org/sex/147677/why_are_we_often_terrified_of_our_own_sexuality/
Yes, this is the kind of stuff I read while at work.:P (At home, I read fanfic.:D) And since I have recently discussed sex-related topics with several different people, including
illuins_lair and that old friend from Poland who uses me as her private long-distance shrink (;D), I thought the above piece might provide some new perspectives on the subject. Written by a guy who describes himself as "heterosexual, but not straight". Hmmm... intriguing. Marianne, I have a feeling you will totally agree with a lot of what he has to say.:D I wish I could somehow formulate my own thoughts that have been provoked by the above and let them run away with me... but if I try to do that, this post will take hours to finish, and I simply don't have those hours in store.:/ I am perpetually behind on emails and comment replies (I will get there, I promise!...), there is a mountain of dirty dishes in my sink and I REALLY need to be in bed by midnight every day if I want to feel remotely human at 7 a.m. the next morning (stayed up too late last Sunday, finishing a long-delayed email to a friend; as a result Monday was spent in zombie-mode and I dropped like a log around 11 p.m. - which still didn't prevent me from having trouble getting up THIS morning and being late for work yet again :|). So I have to stay really organized and basically take life one thing at a time - otherwise I will loose my tentative grip on reality and succumb to CHAOS.:P
Work is busy, btw, and I am doing one of those projects again that might require some phone calls. It's not an urgent thing this time - meaning it is perfectly fine to email people first and give them a few days to respond - but if they don't respond, it is sort of understood that at some point I would try to call them. So I've been trying. I made one call yesterday while most of my team went over to the boss's cubicle to discuss some other project she was about to put them on; the one person not involved in said project was sitting with her back to me, wearing headphones as she often does - so for all intents and purposes she wasn't really there either.;) I know I still talked too quietly for the person on the other end of the line (she asked me to repeat a thing or two) - but I managed to get the information I needed. And then today - another call. Around 5 p.m., after everybody else had gone home already (thanks to the blessing of flexible hours, most people on my team usually leave earlier than I do; and the newspaper in question is in California, so thanks to the time difference the person I called was still there). That was almost easy... lol. I say almost, because I don't think it's ever going to be easy for me... What I mean by "easy" is that I didn't feel like I was going to throw up.:/ But it sort of confirmed what I already suspected somewhere deep down: that the only way to overcome this phobia is to consistently keep trying to face it. The thing is, I usually avoid facing my fears until someone/something forces me to... and then I either freak out completely (like that time I asked the boss to take me off the call project), or suddenly realize that there is nothing to be afraid of. Whether the first or the second option happens depends entirely on the manner of being "forced": if I am told I HAVE to do something that I firmly believe is beyond me, I will panic and undertake desperate measures to get out of it (about 15 years ago, I literally - subconsciously, deceiving myself as much as everyone else - developed an "illness" that made me drop out of my university studies, because I didn't see any other way to avoid teaching practice, which terrified me); but if I am given an opportunity to approach the problem gradually and at my own pace, with very little pressure to "get on with it already", it is very likely that I WILL get on with it, if only to see for myself if I can (again, if I feel pressured, I will most likely have some kind of psychosomatic breakdown and "call in sick" - literally or metaphorically - to avoid the stress). So, all things considered, it is very fortunate indeed that I find myself in precisely the kind of workplace that lets me do things my way. Otherwise I would never have a chance at overcoming this particular mental block (the phone "stage fright", as I call it) - because I would probably have to either "get over it now" or get fired. One more thing to keep in mind when I am in the mood for complaining about the low pay. *nods*
Dammit... how did it get so late again?... I was just going to make this quick post and... yeah. *headshake* Apparently, my definition of "quick" doesn't match the socially accepted standard.:/ As in, a "quick" email usually means I only spent a few hours writing it, as opposed to a few days. Yes, really. *sigh* As exemplified by a conversation with a coworker, wherein I said that I had stayed up an hour or so past my usual bedtime, because I wanted to finish an email. "My God!...", said he, amazed. "What sort of an email was that???..." It took me a while to realize that apparently, to him (or to most people, perhaps?...), it was very unusual for the writing of an email to take more than a few minutes. Alternate reality, anyone?...:/
Well... quick or not, my posting time is over. I need to start getting ready for bed - unless I want to deprive myself of the physiologically obligatory QUICK 7-hour nap.:P