Floating Leaf (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
floatingleaf) wrote2010-11-20 11:55 pm
floatingleaf) wrote2010-11-20 11:55 pm
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So, I just watched Requiem for a Dream. An utterly depressing film, but so amazingly well done. A true work of art. I was actually more impressed by the artistry than affected by the story itself - which might not necessarily be a good thing. Am I becoming this cold, analytic, detached movie connoiseur who only cares about the 'execution', not the content? Or is there something deliberately cold and detached about this film that elicits precisely this type of reaction?... Because actually identifying with any of the characters would be way too scary?... I don't know anymore.
But that's not really what I wanted to talk about tonight (I'm sure professional movie critics have written volumes on this one... lol). I just realized that young Jared Leto reminds me a lot of a certain Polish actor I had a massive crush on when I was 12. The actor in question was around 15-16 at the time, starring in his first film. And I was so completely, overwhelmingly in love (as only a teenage girl can be ;). I miss that feeling. That pure adoration without any expectations or demands, without a concept of a 'relationship' or what it might entail. Not needing or wanting anything other than just to see him, hear him talk, follow his every move. I wish I could still love like that, because it's the only kind of love that has ever made me truly happy.
Immature much? Perhaps. But human interactions can be so draining sometimes. And, invariably, the closer you are trying to get to someone, the more complicated it becomes. Feelings are never equal on both sides, there is never any guarantee that certain words even mean the same thing to any two people at any given time, you can never be sure that you actually know someone (and not just an idealized/distorted version of them you have created in your head) etc. Just... entirely too much of a hassle all around.;) I no longer have the stamina to deal with that, and would happily revert to pure, unquestioning teenage crushes. No expectations = no disappointment. No relationships = no breakups. No proposals = no rejections. Etc.etc.etc. Just the complete happiness of Being In Love. Ah, to be twelve again...;P
But that's not really what I wanted to talk about tonight (I'm sure professional movie critics have written volumes on this one... lol). I just realized that young Jared Leto reminds me a lot of a certain Polish actor I had a massive crush on when I was 12. The actor in question was around 15-16 at the time, starring in his first film. And I was so completely, overwhelmingly in love (as only a teenage girl can be ;). I miss that feeling. That pure adoration without any expectations or demands, without a concept of a 'relationship' or what it might entail. Not needing or wanting anything other than just to see him, hear him talk, follow his every move. I wish I could still love like that, because it's the only kind of love that has ever made me truly happy.
Immature much? Perhaps. But human interactions can be so draining sometimes. And, invariably, the closer you are trying to get to someone, the more complicated it becomes. Feelings are never equal on both sides, there is never any guarantee that certain words even mean the same thing to any two people at any given time, you can never be sure that you actually know someone (and not just an idealized/distorted version of them you have created in your head) etc. Just... entirely too much of a hassle all around.;) I no longer have the stamina to deal with that, and would happily revert to pure, unquestioning teenage crushes. No expectations = no disappointment. No relationships = no breakups. No proposals = no rejections. Etc.etc.etc. Just the complete happiness of Being In Love. Ah, to be twelve again...;P
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is there something deliberately cold and detached about this film that elicits precisely this type of reaction?
*shivers*
omg - young!Leto - I am not sure I should expose my heart to that!
But I understand very much what you´re referring to; that young innocence we once must have had that made up our whole Universe of knowledge.. I miss that. Today.. nothing can surpass that feeling of oblivion and adoration wrapped together in an adolescent cocoon!
the closer you are trying to get to someone, the more complicated it becomes
(I don´t know if I should.. but I feel a bit hit by your sorrow.)
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He had a sort of wide-eyed innocence about him that really makes your heart go all soft, didn't he?...;)
nothing can surpass that feeling of oblivion and adoration wrapped together in an adolescent cocoon!
Yeah. Ignorance is bliss... LOL.
I feel a bit hit by your sorrow
It's not sorrow, really - just a realization that the more we know about someone, the more we become aware of how much we still DON'T know. If that makes sense. And so many things that are perfectly acceptable in a friend - even a very close friend - suddenly become an obstacle if you begin to consider becoming MORE than friends with that person. And how easily trying to become more than friends can ruin the friendship. It's just... the boundaries can be so fluid, you might not even be aware that you crossed them - and then you suddenly wish you hadn't, because something is lost forever. I'm just tired of all this fumbling. Which is why I sort of prefer the easy solution of one-sided crushes on people who aren't even aware of my existence...;)
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Yeah, I felt that. I still kind of feel that for my friends. The trouble is, it *doesn't* lead to a relationship, of any kind, at least not too often. Or it leads me to not being mad when someone does something that other people would be mad about. ...If I am not mad about it, does that mean I am being taken advantage of or not?
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*hug*
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Where did you find all those lovely seasonal icons, btw? :)
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