Floating Leaf (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
floatingleaf) wrote2007-05-11 11:00 pm
floatingleaf) wrote2007-05-11 11:00 pm
Entry tags:
good news?...
So I called the doctor's office yesterday to ask about my test results. And guess what? A cheerful receptionist told me that everything came out nicely and that I am, in fact, perfectly healthy. Well, my cholesterol is slightly raised, but it's not dangerous or anything. I just need to consume more fiber.
Um... okaaay. I guess I should be relieved and happy, shouldn't I?... But somehow I'm not. Because, last time I checked, perfectly healthy people did not run to the loo 15 times a day. And I was sort of hoping I might get some help with that. But now, since I am supposedly healthy and apparently don't need any medication, I will just have to put up with it - no explanation and no relief in sight. I guess I was also hoping to obtain some justification to offer to anyone who might give me strange looks because of having to excuse myself to the bathroom three times more often than other people. I hoped I would be able to say: you know, I have such&such medical condition - and then everyone would be understanding and sympathetic, instead of vaguely suspicious (like my ex-boss at that awful job I had to quit last summer). Well... no such luck, it seems.:|
Maybe I am a whinging hypochondriac, scandalously ungrateful for my blessings - but it took a lot of "gearing up" for me to make that doctor's appointment, and now that I know it's been for nothing, I feel kinda fooled. But maybe it's just my body fooling me, and maybe all my little ailments - bladder trouble, sleeplessness, headaches - are purely psychosomatic. They do tend to get worse when I am nervous or upset about something. But... can anyone's bladder really fill up that fast if there is no actual physiological reason behind it?... Well... about 15 years ago I asked myself whether it was really possible for someone's head to hurt that much on a permanent basis, if there was no tumor growing inside their brain. And no, there wasn't. There was just a whole lot of anxiety, confusion and and an overwhelming feeling of inadequacy that encompassed pretty much every area of life. So it seems that my body is very well practiced at transforming mental uneasiness into physical pain. Or some other kind of discomfort that 'isn't really there' from a purely medical point of view - but is felt and experienced very acutely all the same...:(
Um... okaaay. I guess I should be relieved and happy, shouldn't I?... But somehow I'm not. Because, last time I checked, perfectly healthy people did not run to the loo 15 times a day. And I was sort of hoping I might get some help with that. But now, since I am supposedly healthy and apparently don't need any medication, I will just have to put up with it - no explanation and no relief in sight. I guess I was also hoping to obtain some justification to offer to anyone who might give me strange looks because of having to excuse myself to the bathroom three times more often than other people. I hoped I would be able to say: you know, I have such&such medical condition - and then everyone would be understanding and sympathetic, instead of vaguely suspicious (like my ex-boss at that awful job I had to quit last summer). Well... no such luck, it seems.:|
Maybe I am a whinging hypochondriac, scandalously ungrateful for my blessings - but it took a lot of "gearing up" for me to make that doctor's appointment, and now that I know it's been for nothing, I feel kinda fooled. But maybe it's just my body fooling me, and maybe all my little ailments - bladder trouble, sleeplessness, headaches - are purely psychosomatic. They do tend to get worse when I am nervous or upset about something. But... can anyone's bladder really fill up that fast if there is no actual physiological reason behind it?... Well... about 15 years ago I asked myself whether it was really possible for someone's head to hurt that much on a permanent basis, if there was no tumor growing inside their brain. And no, there wasn't. There was just a whole lot of anxiety, confusion and and an overwhelming feeling of inadequacy that encompassed pretty much every area of life. So it seems that my body is very well practiced at transforming mental uneasiness into physical pain. Or some other kind of discomfort that 'isn't really there' from a purely medical point of view - but is felt and experienced very acutely all the same...:(
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you are not alone
Thanks for letting me know. *hugs*