good news?...

[floatingleaf]

So I called the doctor's office yesterday to ask about my test results. And guess what? A cheerful receptionist told me that everything came out nicely and that I am, in fact, perfectly healthy. Well, my cholesterol is slightly raised, but it's not dangerous or anything. I just need to consume more fiber.

Um... okaaay. I guess I should be relieved and happy, shouldn't I?... But somehow I'm not. Because, last time I checked, perfectly healthy people did not run to the loo 15 times a day. And I was sort of hoping I might get some help with that. But now, since I am supposedly healthy and apparently don't need any medication, I will just have to put up with it - no explanation and no relief in sight. I guess I was also hoping to obtain some justification to offer to anyone who might give me strange looks because of having to excuse myself to the bathroom three times more often than other people. I hoped I would be able to say: you know, I have such&such medical condition - and then everyone would be understanding and sympathetic, instead of vaguely suspicious (like my ex-boss at that awful job I had to quit last summer). Well... no such luck, it seems.:|


Maybe I am a whinging hypochondriac, scandalously ungrateful for my blessings - but it took a lot of "gearing up" for me to make that doctor's appointment, and now that I know it's been for nothing, I feel kinda fooled. But maybe it's just my body fooling me, and maybe all my little ailments - bladder trouble, sleeplessness, headaches - are purely psychosomatic. They do tend to get worse when I am nervous or upset about something. But... can anyone's bladder really fill up that fast if there is no actual physiological reason behind it?... Well... about 15 years ago I asked myself whether it was really possible for someone's head to hurt that much on a permanent basis, if there was no tumor growing inside their brain. And no, there wasn't. There was just a whole lot of anxiety, confusion and and an overwhelming feeling of inadequacy that encompassed pretty much every area of life. So it seems that my body is very well practiced at transforming mental uneasiness into physical pain. Or some other kind of discomfort that 'isn't really there' from a purely medical point of view - but is felt and experienced very acutely all the same...:(

Comments

[mellacita.livejournal.com]

Because, last time I checked, perfectly healthy people did not run to the loo 15 times a day.

I've always had to, since I was about 5 and had a couple bladder infections. I'm 32 now. :P My doctor tried a few medications on me, to no avail. And I'm not diabetic. I'm just really hyperaware of my bladder as a result.

Once I was treated for my depression and anxiety, though, it's gotten better. Because it got to the point where not having access to a restroom freaked me out, so I always had to sit on the aisle; wouldn't do car trips; would use the restroom between every class at school and university. That anxiety would sort of start a vicious circle.

International travel has also cured me of it, somewhat, or at least made me more willing to hold it, based on the toilet situation in some of the places. And I'm not all that picky even when it comes to bathrooms, as long as I have my own tissue, seat cover, and antibacterial gel I'm good.

Anyway, sorry to take up a huge comment to talk about toilets. :P

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

Thanks for commenting. You made me feel better, in a way. I mean, it helps to know you're not the only one coping with a certain embarrassing problem - though you also confirmed my suspicions that it's somehow anxiety-based, even if I'm not consciously aware of feeling any anxiety at any given moment.

For me, the main depression/anxiety syndrome was always a really painful migraine-type headache that would prevent me from doing whatever I had been planning/dreading to do. At one point it became permanent and 'caused' me to drop out of my university studies - and that's when I was advised to go into psychotherapy (after being checked out by a neurologist, who proclaimed that I was physically healthy, just in a lot of mental angst and confusion - though she didn't quite put it that way, LOL). And yes, after a few months of attending the group meetings the headache gradually faded out. But the bladder problem, which started at roughly the same time (though I don't recall ever having any infections), never did. So that's what made me think there must be some kind of medical explanation. Apparently not, though. *sigh*

And yes, I do freak out a lot about travel, long car trips, unfamiliar places ('what if there is no restroom OMG' etc.), even movie theaters (I don't like to take bathroom breaks during the movie and miss at least 5 minutes of it, which might turn out to be THE significant five minutes, you know - but choosing not to do it usually means suffering through the second half of it, if not more). Which is one of the reasons I hardly travel/go out anymore. Pathetic, isn't it? *sigh*

sorry to take up a huge comment to talk about toilets. :P

No problem. Toilets are a part of life, whether we like it or not.;P

And speaking of which... I used to be very picky about the state of bathrooms in certain places - back when I still could hold it for more than two hours. Now I often find I can't afford to be picky any more.:/

Sorry for the long rant - but apparently that's what you get for leaving a comment to my post.;)

[crowdaughter.livejournal.com]

Because, last time I checked, perfectly healthy people did not run to the loo 15 times a day.

I have to, every time when I am going to have my courses, and also whenever things become very stressfull. It was always this way, and at some months it is better, at some it is very bad. However, a good friend recently told me I should try jumping trampoline, since that would train the lower body musculature and therefore have a positive effect on the problem. I haven't tried it yet, but maybe I will.

Rest assured, though, that a lot of women have te psame problem. I think I read that in Germany, about every fifth or so woman suffers from that same problem. So, you are not alone.

Aislynn

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

Jumping trampoline?... Not with my phobia of heights, I'm afraid.:/ But yes, my musculature is hardly trained and almost non-existant, so maybe that's what makes the problem worse. *sigh*

you are not alone

Thanks for letting me know. *hugs*