Floating Leaf

Today I just want to share my new Tarot deck. Yes, another one. Even though I'm still a little shy about using Tarot, and reach for simple, straightforward oracle cards much more often. Tarot is complex, and I feel like it might take me years to learn it properly - but when I see a gorgeous deck like this one, I can't resist the pure aesthetic pleasure of exploring the images and symbols. So it was one of those spontaneous purchases in the OMG LOOK AT THE PRETTY category. ;-) Besides, it totally aligns with the "divine feminine" theme, since it is called Tarot of the Witch's Garden. Very pagan, very green and very optimistic in its general appearance:



The guidebook is gorgeous, too: printed on nice, glossy paper, with full-page color images of every card... which is pretty rare. By the way, the image on the box shows The Magician, who is usually depicted as a male figure. Clearly, here in the witch's garden magic is female. :-D

Below is a selection of my other favorites: ( Read more... )

Today I finished all assigned work by lunchtime... then spent the afternoon decluttering some old document folders and downloading music. This wasn't even the plan... but I happened to click on a link to a music video someone posted on NAAS, and before I knew it, I became a hardcore fan of another brilliant singer/songwriter/performer. Ayla Nereo. Her videos are absolute masterpieces (she often directs them herself, in addition to writing the lyrics, singing, dancing and playing several different instruments). I'm just going to post a few favorites:



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Not much to report this weekend. I watched Thirteen Lives, but somehow it didn't affect me as much as I thought it might. The film is really heavily focused on the logistics of the massive rescue operation, rather than the psychological/emotional impact it had on everyone involved. We learn very little about the boys being rescued - and so it doesn't really feel, to me at least, like I have good reason to be hugely invested in their survival. It's almost like a documentary; very detailed and thorough about the sequence of events, but somehow shallow at the same time when it comes to the people. What I would have been really interested in seeing would be an intimate story about the psychological impact of trauma, in the context of a natural disaster/basic survival and so on. Viggo could have been SO good at that (think of The Road!). But he didn't really get a chance for any deep inner explorations in this movie; he plays a "tough guy" who barely shows any emotion at all. He's all business, so he takes care of business - and then he goes home. Story done. LOL.

That is all. :-P

I had my dental cleaning appointment this morning. I also got new X-rays and a review of my "treatment plan". I have this decaying molar on the upper left side that can be either restored or taken out. It's up to me which. The decay hasn't gone too far... but if I choose to keep it, it will need a crown, which will cost me about $1,000 (with insurance). And, apparently, I already need three or four other crowns (not as urgently, but still). An extraction, on the other hand, will "only" cost around $250. I can live without that tooth, it's far in the back, I am already missing one molar on the bottom and not really feeling any difficulty with chewing my food... but still. On some level, I'm not happy with the concept of removing a perfectly good tooth, just because I don't want to spend the money. But the truth is, I DON'T WANT to spend the money. *sigh*

My dental insurance covers less than 50% of restorative treatments, and it maxes out at $1,500; so I can only afford about two crowns per year. Another good reason to skip THIS one. But my dentist said she really hesitates to remove a tooth that could still serve me for a decade. So I'm really of two minds about this right now. What would you do?

Dental work is the bane of my existence, I tell you. It never ends, and it eats all my savings. I was terrified of the dentist as a kid, because back in communist Poland they didn't have good anesthesia, and every visit was pure torture. Now that the treatments themselves are virtually painless due to modern technology, the nightmare factor has shifted to the bills. I have to wonder if perhaps this is all due to some karmic baggage. Did I break somebody's jaw in a past life or something? Because really, this is getting old, and I am just SOOO tired of it. *headdesk*

Today I want to share a link to a fascinating article. Yes, another one of Charles Eisenstein's essays; I'm afraid I may have become a bit of a fan. ;-P This is a brand new one, though, and it gave me some valuable insights into the huge ideological "war" that seems to be raging across the US (and global, to some extent) media and the entire cultural landscape these days. Because I am somewhat allergic to politics, I tend to feel lost in the nuances of various popular controversies, puzzling over why on earth some people say or believe the things they do. So I am always grateful for a balanced, detached, thought-provoking explanation. And Charles seems to be really good at that. That's what drew me to his writing in the first place. His ability to step back from the polarization and offer a different perspective: not from "somewhere in the middle", but from OUTSIDE the entire dichotomy. Seeing the flaws, the blind spots and the "hidden gems" on either side. As well as delivering a hopeful message at the end, despite some really uncomfortable conclusions along the way. He really gave me a lot to process... and so I feel the need to quote a few choice bits. But first, here's he entire text:

https://charleseisenstein.org/essays/from-qanons-dark-mirror-hope/

Now for the uncomfortable conclusions. He basically starts out with a rather grim vision of the future that seems inevitable - unless we, as a society, collectively take a breath and examine the sources of our respective convictions, seeing the humanity in our apparent "enemies" and honestly searching for common ground. Here are the two "grim possibilities" he envisions: (1) In a few years a new and more formidable demagogue will arise to channel the repressed forces [= Trump supporters and other right wing groups] toward a fascist coup. (2) A neoliberal corporatocracy, costumed in the garb of progressive values, will consolidate its already well-developed powers of surveillance, censorship, and control to establish a techno-totalitarian state that will attempt to repress those forces forever. But then he also says this: (1) I believe that the blind spots both sides share are more significant, and more dangerous, than their disagreements, and (2) Beneath the conflict is a hidden unity that will emerge when all parties humbly try to understand the other.

So I've been chewing on that. ( Read more... )

I am still in this really weird headspace that is hard to put into words. It is as though my lifelong habit of freaking out in the face of uncertainty is in a protracted wrestling match with my new-found tendency to trust that everything is unfolding exactly the way it's supposed to. I don't know who's winning this time, but I can definitely feel the tension. There is also this constant push/pull between the need to just be with this inner conundrum, and the urge to distract myself away from it. As well as the need to write about it, and the feeling of pointlessness inherent in that. I don't know if I'm making any sense. I'm in split-personality mode, and I'm having a hard time deciding which side needs to be given a voice right now.

Perhaps it's best to refrain from posting until I have specific news to share... which should be pretty soon. Trying to write now feels like pulling teeth, regardless of how much the chaos inside my head seems to be needing an outlet. I just can't bear to keep beating the dead horse of my majorly triggered (and majorly triggering) money-related anxieties, and I don't seem capable of talking about anything else, either. So there you have it. My inner demons are ready for battle, and I wish I could just bury my head in the sand. Which is, of course, a bad idea, as I'd be getting my ass kicked anyway.

Well then... enough useless metaphors. Excuse my unusual lack of verbosity, and good night.

Holy buckets. What a day. *wipes brow*

So I decided to go get that X-ray at the ortho clinic. The website said you didn't need an appointment - but when I called to confirm this, it turned out you can't just come in for an X-ray; you need to make an appointment with one of their doctors. *sigh* So I did. Luckily, they had a same-day spot for me. Or not so luckily, after all, since apparently I couldn't have picked a worse day for trying to get around the city via public transit. ( Read more... )

In the vein of my increasing fascination with the Tarot, I just want to share a few samples of this awesome deck inspired by Lord of the Rings. Unfortunately, it appears to be an unfinished project; I did find the artist's DeviantArt page, but there's nothing there about the deck being available for purchase. There are just some random images floating about on Pinterest. It looks like they only designed the Major Arcana. There are other Lord of the Rings Tarot decks out there, but this one is by far the most impressive I have seen, and the only one I would be willing to spend money on. It's just... magnificent. Take a look:



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OK, so I have decided it is time to create a proper "About Me" post, to make it easier for potential new friends to decide if they want to be added (since I've been flocking most of my entries for the past few years, there isn't much to see here unless I've friended you back). Because as far as I can see, LJ is NOT dead, and I mean to stay here for the forseeable future. And hopefully meet a few more like-minded people along the way...

It does seem a bit overwhelming to try and "sum myself up" in a single entry. Especially since I have changed a lot in the past few years, and still feel very much like a "work in progress" in many areas. But here are the basics: CIS female, close to 50, European (though living in the US), happily single, highly introverted and no longer interested in labels when it comes to romantic and/or sexual orientation (but I used to identify as a lesbian for many years, and then briefly as a pan-romantic demisexual... which may or may not still apply, depending on how you look at it, LOL). Astrologically, a Pisces (with Virgo rising and a Gemini moon). Spiritually, a non-denominational seeker, interested in exploring various aspects of Buddhism, paganism or any other ideology that allows for a highly personalized and label-free experience of the divine.;-) In case that hasn't become quite obvious by now, I like to look at things (as well as do them) my own way, and following the herd has never been my forte. Which has its downsides, obviously. But, for the most part, I am at peace with myself and the world these days - which is a pretty recent development, from a historical perspective, and which I largely owe to the wonderful invention of brainwave entrainment (a.k.a. Holosync meditation tracks; seriously, check it out).

What else? I am not going to write about my day job, because I don't believe it's highly relevant to who I am... and also because I don't think it's a good idea to discuss it in a public post, for several reasons. You might see an occasional rant about it if you get access to my flocked entries, though.;-) I am passionate about a clean, healthy diet, because it's made a tremendous difference in my life - but I am also not on a mission to "fix" anyone else, so I won't preach to you about white sugar and other toxic food additives if you mention buying a birthday cake at a supermarket.:-P I also believe that some ancient healing modalities like herbalism or energy work are often more effective than conventional Western medicine at addressing the common ills of our modern world; but, again, I am not here to argue the point, unless someone specifically asks me about it. "Live and let live" is my general life philosophy, and I tend to expect the same in return.

Lastly, I would like to take this opportunity to mention a fascinating online course I took over a year ago: Soul Realignment by Andrrea Hess. It's a spiritual modality that helps you connect with your divine nature and discover your Soul's purpose through accessing the Akashic Records. I am a certified practitioner at this point, and I can access your Records, with your permission, and give you a comprehensive overview of your divine gifts, as well as any karmic patterns (from present or past lives) that may be keeping you from expressing them fully. If you're interested in exploring the topic, comment below.:-)

Here's a link to the course website, if you'd like to take a look:

I took today off work, since I figured I could afford to gift myself with a long Easter weekend. Saturday was mostly spend running around (chiropractic appointment, grocery shopping, errands etc.), and Sunday was the annual Easter binge at my parents' house.;-) So today was my "chill out day" at home - though I did pop out to the garden center, again, for more artificial flowers. I just... couldn't help myself. In my defense, those flowers are really the only "non-essential" items I have purchased since January (I did buy a single pair of shoes on clearance, as well as a nifty cross-body bag - but those were things I felt I needed, not random "retail accidents"... LOL). And, in a way, I felt I needed them, too. So I won't be guilt-tripping myself about them. Having a living space that looks pretty - and in keeping with the season - is quite an important factor in my emotional wellbeing, apparently.;-)



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