Floating Leaf (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
floatingleaf) wrote2010-07-15 11:57 pm
floatingleaf) wrote2010-07-15 11:57 pm
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more of the same
So, that whole big 4% raise I just got?... it translates to about $25 per paycheck. A bi-weekly paycheck, that is. A freaking goldmine, that. *snort*
I don't know why I thought it was going to be a bit more. Oh well. Now I feel really bad for all the people who supposedly didn't even get as much. All this big talk about raises, and then... this. God have mercy. *an embarrassed cough*
Also, I am definitely gaining weight and it definitely has to stop. Before it ever gets to the point of shopping for bigger sizes again. I am NOT shopping for bigger sizes. I am getting myself under control, dammit. If only it wasn't so blistering HOT. My brain feels half-melted half of the time - how am I even supposed to be planning some ambitious diet modifications in this muggy, lethargic state of mind?... It takes a few hours of the air conditioner going full blast to bring the temperature in my room down to 30C/85F - which I currently consider relatively cool as compared to the kitchen & bathroom. *drapes herself over the back of the chair in a floppy swoon* Strangely enough, this has no negative impact on my appetite. It has, however, a very negative impact on my willingness to exercise.:/ So, perhaps, the results are to be expected. I have gotten lazy in my approach to grocery shopping as well, overlooking one "little, harmless indulgence" after another. This won't do. Like with money, I have to become stingy and calculating all over again.:/ For example, do I absolutely need to try those donuts/cupcakes that some birthday boy or girl brought to the office?... Hell no. It's not like the person will be offended if I don't. I don't even LIKE that shit anymore, for heaven's sake. It all tastes like pure sugar - or high fructose corn syrup, to be precise. *gags a little* Why don't I bring a bag of fucking carrot sticks instead?...
Anyway... this is the plan for Very Near Future. As soon as I finish off all the high-calorie food that I shouldn't have bought in the first place. Because, you know, food shouldn't be wasted. It's one of those uncompromising principles of my upbringing that I can't seem to shake. Namely, If It's Not Rotten Yet, You Shall Eat It (as opposed to throwing it out) - whatever it is. I find myself amazed at how adamantly I tend to stick to it now in my old age. *snort*
I don't know why I thought it was going to be a bit more. Oh well. Now I feel really bad for all the people who supposedly didn't even get as much. All this big talk about raises, and then... this. God have mercy. *an embarrassed cough*
Also, I am definitely gaining weight and it definitely has to stop. Before it ever gets to the point of shopping for bigger sizes again. I am NOT shopping for bigger sizes. I am getting myself under control, dammit. If only it wasn't so blistering HOT. My brain feels half-melted half of the time - how am I even supposed to be planning some ambitious diet modifications in this muggy, lethargic state of mind?... It takes a few hours of the air conditioner going full blast to bring the temperature in my room down to 30C/85F - which I currently consider relatively cool as compared to the kitchen & bathroom. *drapes herself over the back of the chair in a floppy swoon* Strangely enough, this has no negative impact on my appetite. It has, however, a very negative impact on my willingness to exercise.:/ So, perhaps, the results are to be expected. I have gotten lazy in my approach to grocery shopping as well, overlooking one "little, harmless indulgence" after another. This won't do. Like with money, I have to become stingy and calculating all over again.:/ For example, do I absolutely need to try those donuts/cupcakes that some birthday boy or girl brought to the office?... Hell no. It's not like the person will be offended if I don't. I don't even LIKE that shit anymore, for heaven's sake. It all tastes like pure sugar - or high fructose corn syrup, to be precise. *gags a little* Why don't I bring a bag of fucking carrot sticks instead?...
Anyway... this is the plan for Very Near Future. As soon as I finish off all the high-calorie food that I shouldn't have bought in the first place. Because, you know, food shouldn't be wasted. It's one of those uncompromising principles of my upbringing that I can't seem to shake. Namely, If It's Not Rotten Yet, You Shall Eat It (as opposed to throwing it out) - whatever it is. I find myself amazed at how adamantly I tend to stick to it now in my old age. *snort*
no subject
Well... I do agree this kind of approach sounds a little naive and flippant to me.;) Or, in other words, characteristic of mostly young and not very experienced people.:P Of course, you can in turn call me old and disillusioned or a chronic pessimist - and you might even be right. The point is, I believe knowing your limitations actually makes life easier than overestimating yourself and then ending up terribly disappointed. Obviously, there is also the danger of UNDERestimating yourself and not expecting much at all - and I know I am frequently guilty of that. I was in therapy for that very reason (mostly) - so maybe I have no right to say anything against incurable optimism, which might actually prove helpful to me on occasion.;) (If I could ever figure out where it comes from and how to actually get some... lol.) But I believe I am learning to differentiate between my real limitations and the perceived ones (which are mostly a product of fear/insecurity). It's a work in progress, and may never be finished. But I am getting there... at my own pace.:D
one day, in an alternative future we will all feel beautiful ahead of a mirror
Perhaps we will. But like I tried to explain, my need to control my weight is not so much about looks (that too, I admit, because, like most people, I am vain and I do feel better about myself when I am looking better) as it is about health and general physical/mental wellbeing (some of the side effects of my careless "eat whatever the hell you like" approach included insomnia & migraines - who would want to put up with that just so they can indiscriminately stuff their stomach?... not me, that's for sure). As well as, ultimately, saving money on medical care (which is also something we residents of this American paradise on earth have to keep firmly in mind, like it or not :|).
To me you have no shape, no weight, no certain look. You´re just.. You.
You are quite possibly too awesome to handle for the likes of me. I don't even have a concept of this kind of approach to another person. *blushes*