more of the same

[floatingleaf]

So, that whole big 4% raise I just got?... it translates to about $25 per paycheck. A bi-weekly paycheck, that is. A freaking goldmine, that. *snort*

I don't know why I thought it was going to be a bit more. Oh well. Now I feel really bad for all the people who supposedly didn't even get as much. All this big talk about raises, and then... this. God have mercy. *an embarrassed cough*

Also, I am definitely gaining weight and it definitely has to stop. Before it ever gets to the point of shopping for bigger sizes again. I am NOT shopping for bigger sizes. I am getting myself under control, dammit. If only it wasn't so blistering HOT. My brain feels half-melted half of the time - how am I even supposed to be planning some ambitious diet modifications in this muggy, lethargic state of mind?... It takes a few hours of the air conditioner going full blast to bring the temperature in my room down to 30C/85F - which I currently consider relatively cool as compared to the kitchen & bathroom. *drapes herself over the back of the chair in a floppy swoon* Strangely enough, this has no negative impact on my appetite. It has, however, a very negative impact on my willingness to exercise.:/ So, perhaps, the results are to be expected. I have gotten lazy in my approach to grocery shopping as well, overlooking one "little, harmless indulgence" after another. This won't do. Like with money, I have to become stingy and calculating all over again.:/ For example, do I absolutely need to try those donuts/cupcakes that some birthday boy or girl brought to the office?... Hell no. It's not like the person will be offended if I don't. I don't even LIKE that shit anymore, for heaven's sake. It all tastes like pure sugar - or high fructose corn syrup, to be precise. *gags a little* Why don't I bring a bag of fucking carrot sticks instead?...

Anyway... this is the plan for Very Near Future. As soon as I finish off all the high-calorie food that I shouldn't have bought in the first place. Because, you know, food shouldn't be wasted. It's one of those uncompromising principles of my upbringing that I can't seem to shake. Namely, If It's Not Rotten Yet, You Shall Eat It (as opposed to throwing it out) - whatever it is. I find myself amazed at how adamantly I tend to stick to it now in my old age. *snort*

Comments

[willys-digs.livejournal.com]

Nice raise, unfortunately I'm at the top of my scale and that's where I sit. You should celebrate. Buy yourself a nice big bottle of wine. On second thought, better not. Sounds like you're on a diet. *ggg*

hugs

Jo

[illuins-lair.livejournal.com]

Honey; eat what you enjoy to eat - it´s part of the joys of Life damnit. You´re beautiful as you are! You don´t need to punish anybody, and especially not yourself. A few kg´s/pounds here and there doesn´t matter as long as you keep your personality intact.

Totally agree on the not-wasting-food-issue though - I mean, the longer you can invent something with the stuff you´ve got at home the better, and all. (I also totally throw away food that has passed date)

I think we should marry, on a hilltop. You are sincerely adorable.

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

You don´t need to punish anybody, and especially not yourself. A few kg´s/pounds here and there doesn´t matter

This isn't about punishment, believe you me. It's about health and wellbeing. It's true, a few extra pounds doesn't matter - provided that's all we're talking about. But let me tell you a funny little story. Back in 2003, when I got my first office job (= sitting-down-all-day, as opposed to moving-around-all-day type of jobs which I had before), I had exactly the kind of attitude you promote here.;) I was very slim and good-looking and I had always eaten whatever I liked, so I could see no reason to change that. And guess what happened?... Within the next 3-4 years, I went from size 2 to size 12. I suddenly realized one day I was about 30 pounds (+/-15kg) overweight, not recognizing the body in the mirror, as well as feeling like crap (physically, not just mentally) on most days. I actually spent a ridiculous amount of money on various medical tests, thinking I must be seriously ill. While in fact I was just suffering from various side effects of an unhealthy diet. Luckily for me, at around that time my workplace offered a sponsored WeightWatchers program for employees - so I signed up. And guess what? Within the next two years I dropped the extra 30 pounds one by one, slowly but steadily, through careful control of what went into my digestive system. I started feeling like myself again - as well as about 10 years younger. I learned to cook. I educated myself on nutrition and took charge of giving my body what it needs, instead of what it thinks it wants (most of the time, anyway). It was a wonderful learning experience, and it made me feel immensely good about myself. Obviously, once I achieved the appointed weight goal, I sort of slacked off a bit, feeling like I needed to reward myself for being such a good girl, LOL. And that is probably why the numbers have started to climb again. They're climbing very slowly, just like before - but if I don't stop them, I know I only have another 2-3 years left before I become a big, shapeless mountain of flab again (and it will be more difficult to get rid of it now that I'm older). So you can be sure I have absolutely no intention of letting that happen.

Perhaps it's easier to have this happy-go-lucky approach towards food and still mantain a healthy weight if you happen to live in Europe - but here, in this country, where pretty much any random food item you pick from a shelf at a grocery store is loaded with preservatives, high-fructose corn syrup, modified food starch and other chemically engineered shit designed precisely to make you fat & sick, so you can become a paying customer of the healthcare/pharmaceutical industry... well, you either watch it now, or you regret it later, LOL. It may sound like I'm exaggerating... but I'm not. Ask anyone living in the US. If you know anyone else who moved here from Europe, ask them how long it took before they started gaining weight. I have learned the hard way what I am up against, and I will not let the bastards get me if I can avoid it.;P

Again, I have exceeded comment size limit, so next part to follow.:)

[illuins-lair.livejournal.com]

You see, this is entirely why I should shut the fuck up nowadays, because I´m fairly sure that You know better than anybody how you want to find yourself in a mirror, or how you basically want to feel towards yourself on a day-to-day basis. Who am I to come with some advice of "loving-the-self"? It´s like you said; I am truly a visionary, in (the worst) most senses probably (=anyone can do anything etc) but fuck.. I am probably just naive enough to think that people even function like that in the first place. So, basically - do what makes you feel GOOD; that´s all I really should say. And one day, in an alternative future we will all feel beautiful ahead of a mirror. And the mirrors wouldn´t even be a mean to judge beauty from anyway..
But you should do what makes you feel like You. It´s just that I perceive you differently I guess. To me you have no shape, no weight, no certain look. You´re just.. You.

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

I am truly a visionary, in (the worst) most senses probably (=anyone can do anything etc)

Well... I do agree this kind of approach sounds a little naive and flippant to me.;) Or, in other words, characteristic of mostly young and not very experienced people.:P Of course, you can in turn call me old and disillusioned or a chronic pessimist - and you might even be right. The point is, I believe knowing your limitations actually makes life easier than overestimating yourself and then ending up terribly disappointed. Obviously, there is also the danger of UNDERestimating yourself and not expecting much at all - and I know I am frequently guilty of that. I was in therapy for that very reason (mostly) - so maybe I have no right to say anything against incurable optimism, which might actually prove helpful to me on occasion.;) (If I could ever figure out where it comes from and how to actually get some... lol.) But I believe I am learning to differentiate between my real limitations and the perceived ones (which are mostly a product of fear/insecurity). It's a work in progress, and may never be finished. But I am getting there... at my own pace.:D

one day, in an alternative future we will all feel beautiful ahead of a mirror

Perhaps we will. But like I tried to explain, my need to control my weight is not so much about looks (that too, I admit, because, like most people, I am vain and I do feel better about myself when I am looking better) as it is about health and general physical/mental wellbeing (some of the side effects of my careless "eat whatever the hell you like" approach included insomnia & migraines - who would want to put up with that just so they can indiscriminately stuff their stomach?... not me, that's for sure). As well as, ultimately, saving money on medical care (which is also something we residents of this American paradise on earth have to keep firmly in mind, like it or not :|).

To me you have no shape, no weight, no certain look. You´re just.. You.

You are quite possibly too awesome to handle for the likes of me. I don't even have a concept of this kind of approach to another person. *blushes*

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

I also totally throw away food that has passed date

To me, expiration dates on food are random and fictitious.;) It usually says: "best by such-and-such date", not "it's going to suddenly turn absolutely rotten and poisonous on such-and-such date at precisely 6:15 p.m.".:D Yeah, I do look at the dates while I'm shopping - but if I already bought it, and it's in my fridge, and it says it's past date, what I do is I open the container and look at it. Then I smell it. If no ickiness is detected, I take a fork/spoon and try a tiny bite. If it tastes off, I throw it out. If it tastes OK, I eat it. You have no idea how many yogurts I have consumed that were about a week "overdue". And guess what? Perfectly delicious. Have I ever gotten sick from them? Nope. When I cook, I usually make enough food to last about 4-5 days; sometimes up to a week. Do I ever get sick from it? Nope. The only times I get sick is when I eat fastfood/frozen dinners from a box/other chemically engineered shit which doesn't expire for a year (which is another reason why I basically don't do that anymore). I am my own lab rat, so to speak, and I have experimented and figured out what works for me. So if we ever move in together and you throw something out of the fridge without consulting me first, I will get Very Upset.:P

But first we need to marry on a hilltop, of course.:D

[illuins-lair.livejournal.com]

expiration dates on food are random and fictitious
Yep, I assume it is.. I´m actually biased here, cos (<---------omg! I got Food!poisoning, see!).. *snerrrk*
Seriously, yes, I will consider (smell, taste, what-evah) before throwing stuff away.. I´m not a fucking food!snob. *crosses heart*

So if we ever move in together and you throw something out of the fridge without consulting me first, I will get Very Upset
You are in charge of the food, dear. I will slowly but handsomely learn the art of shutting_up.

Hilltop it is.
I claim tiaras and to live slashy ever-after..

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

I´m actually biased here, cos (<---------omg! I got Food!poisoning, see!

I did too. Many times. But most of those incidents resulted from "fast food"/dinner-in-a-box type of stuff, not from something that I made myself and kept in the fridge for a week before I was done eating it. And some of those fastfoods look very fresh even MONTHS after manufacturing date... *shudder*

to live slashy ever-after

AMEN.:D

[illuins-lair.livejournal.com]

Told ya.. can´t run a proper kitchen without a freakout. "we might all be fooled + they wanna poison us!! sort of."

That being meant somewhat politically, but I trust You if you say it´s alright and will hence never question it. I´m a bungyjumper. I trust.

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

they wanna poison us!! sort of

In a way, they do. Especially here in the States, where they make money off the sick.:/ It's safer to stick to what mother nature made herself - fresh fruits, vegetables etc. - though, of course, those could also be poisoned with pesticides.:[

I trust You if you say it´s alright

Well... what's allright for one stomach might not be allright for another.:P Everyone is their own best lab rat, so to speak.:D

[illuins-lair.livejournal.com]

See!??
This is the moment I feel like running off with you to an unknown island in the Carribean, to possibly live off fresh ananas and naked swims.

what's alright for one stomach might not be alright for another.
I don´t care; I´ve technically signed in, no matter what´s on the plate.