an extremely shameful confession

[floatingleaf]

Looks like I'm having a serious identity crisis. Sexual identity, I mean. Never mind that I already had one when I first got into reading slash. Someone explained to me then that some of the best m/m slash writers - let alone readers - were lesbians... so I figured I could still safely see myself as one.;) And so I did. But now...



I have recently joined porn_exchange, and am currently spending a large portion of my evenings downloading and watching various explicit gay sex clips. MALE gay sex - in case there were any doubts (not that I would mind some nice and tasteful lesbian porn... but I haven't seen any so far - and anyway, that's not the point of this post, somehow). It started as an experiment, out of pure curiosity - someone on my flist posted a link, so I clicked on it - but now it seems I am seriously into it, and I can't quite get over my reactions. I thought reading "romantic" porn was one thing, but actually seeing the hardcore action up close wouldn't do much for me... and hell, was I wrong. How well do I know myself, really? What's up with me? Is it because I am getting older and the hormones are going into overdrive or something? Is it because I've been single for over two years?... Is it because the so-called "lesbian" porn made obviously for heterosexual men is just plain disgusting? And the same goes for any het porn I've ever seen, btw. Why isn't gay porn disgusting then? Well, on some level it is - but still, I don't seem able to get enough. Is it a sign of personal liberation, or do I need therapy? ;D

Comments

[akashaelfwitch.livejournal.com]

I dont think there is anything wrong with you darling, remind me to talk to you in depth next time I see you. I'll make sure its just us girls next time, dont want to shock the masses...LOL

Hmm, I think I may join that community as well...
this coming from a het oriented female. I think I love the male body so much that my kink is seeing two males go at it, I dunno...LOL

*hugs you*
xoxox
Akasha

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

I dont think there is anything wrong with you darling

I didn't mean to imply I thought it was wrong - I'm just not sure I can regard myself as a "lady of preference" any more...:P

I'll make sure its just us girls next time

Sounds like a good idea.;)

Hmm, I think I may join that community as well...

Last time I checked, you were on it. :D :D :D

*hugs*

[akashaelfwitch.livejournal.com]

I didn't mean to imply I thought it was wrong - I'm just not sure I can regard myself as a "lady of preference" any more...:P

There is nothing wrong with being Bi ;)

We need a girls night out ;)
Next weekend is Tim's bday...youre invited to that by the way

Hmmm how come the icons I make always look better when you use them? LOL

Well what do you know...I *am* on that LJ community
*stunned*..nah, not really...LOL

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

There is nothing wrong with being Bi ;)

I guess not.;P To hell with labels anyway.:D

Hmmm how come the icons I make always look better when you use them?

Do they?... Maybe because I have become quite expert at snagging other people's artwork and identifying with it like it were my own... LOL

Well what do you know...I *am* on that LJ community
*stunned*

*rolls on the floor*

Well... let me just say I noticed you right away when I checked out the member list - I was on the lookout for some familiar faces, so to speak... And when I saw your name, I thought: "OK, Akasha's on it, can't be too pervy for me"... LOLOL :P