Floating Leaf (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
floatingleaf) wrote2012-09-15 11:47 pm
floatingleaf) wrote2012-09-15 11:47 pm
Entry tags:
just ignore me if you please, kthxbai
Well, I've been wanting to post, but I just can't be bothered to write about stupid mundane stuff. None of it matters to me now. And what I do want to write about doesn't sound like it might possibly matter to anyone who might be reading. Yes, the loneliness of an unhinged fangirl can be a terrible thing.:P
And yet, I wouldn't relinquish this madness if I could. Not for the world. Even if it scares me a little right now. See, I've always been led to believe that this sort of single-minded obsession was something you tended to "grow out of" as you got older, that "mature" people kept their feet firmly on the ground and dismissed any and all such flighty nonsense. But that obviously isn't the case. I haven't changed since my first intense book/movie obsession at age 12. I still fall for fictional characters as though they are real persons, adore them with all the reckless abandon of a hormonal teenage girl, and want to read/write/talk about them endlessly... except I no longer dare dump these emotional monologues on friends who do not share the obsession, for fear they will shun me completely. Because, you know, I am a grown-up now, and so are my friends, and why should they put up with such foolishness? But when I am like this, in the initial stages of a fannish infatuation, I really have very little interest in anything OTHER than the object(s) of said infatuation - and so I tend to stay quiet and "live inside my head" rather than attempt to engage in pointless and tiresome conversation on other topics. Which might possibly explain my reticence of late.
But hell, is this my journal or what? If anyone thinks I have lost my marbles, then so be it (most people who know me probably think so anyway...;P). If anyone decides there is no point in following my posts anymore, then there's nothing I can do about it, and frankly, trying to write what I think people might want to read has never been my forte. I do want an exchange of thoughts - otherwise I'd just be scribbling away in a private notebook, not on the web - but small talk can only hold my attention for a limited amount of time, at best. So if we can't have a conversation about something really engaging, we might just as well not have a conversation at all (yes, that would be why I hardly ever talk to strangers, not just because I'm shy).
Yes, I do wish the world was brimming with other crazies like me - and maybe it is, maybe I just never knew how to find them. Or only found them briefly, before they moved on to other things (like most of my old buddies from the LOTR-slash universe). Or only found them AFTER they moved on to other things. I've read several more amazing fics this past week, and tried to see if their authors were perhaps still engaged in the fandom - but it seems that the ones who have journals or blogs don't really post about fannish stuff anymore. And the LJ-comms I've found are mostly dead. I did come across a most intriguing thing, though - someone created a journal in the assumed persona of my favorite vampire.:) It sounds like one of those RPG communities - except there is no mention of a role-playing game. All posts (and the profile, too, I might add) are completely in character, no giveaway in sight. It is all very cleverly done, and the commenters play along, never letting on that they think there is any deception involved.:) I find the entire thing utterly fascinating. The journal was last updated several weeks ago, so there is hope it hasn't been abandoned yet. Even if the posts aren't very frequent anymore. They USED to be very frequent, though - I scrolled back as far as LJ would let me (25 pages, I think), and it looks like the guy was quite talkative in October 2005.:D And yes, I do intend to read the entire thing from then till now, why do you ask? :P
See, I am hopeless. As well as exhausted, because I've fucked up my sleep schedule all over again. I should be sound asleep by midnight EVERY DAY if I want my mind and body to function properly - and yet, is there a better time to be reading about vampires than midnight?... LOL.
Sadly, though, I feel a classic sleep-deprivation headache coming on right now, so bedtime it is, weekend or not.:/
And yet, I wouldn't relinquish this madness if I could. Not for the world. Even if it scares me a little right now. See, I've always been led to believe that this sort of single-minded obsession was something you tended to "grow out of" as you got older, that "mature" people kept their feet firmly on the ground and dismissed any and all such flighty nonsense. But that obviously isn't the case. I haven't changed since my first intense book/movie obsession at age 12. I still fall for fictional characters as though they are real persons, adore them with all the reckless abandon of a hormonal teenage girl, and want to read/write/talk about them endlessly... except I no longer dare dump these emotional monologues on friends who do not share the obsession, for fear they will shun me completely. Because, you know, I am a grown-up now, and so are my friends, and why should they put up with such foolishness? But when I am like this, in the initial stages of a fannish infatuation, I really have very little interest in anything OTHER than the object(s) of said infatuation - and so I tend to stay quiet and "live inside my head" rather than attempt to engage in pointless and tiresome conversation on other topics. Which might possibly explain my reticence of late.
But hell, is this my journal or what? If anyone thinks I have lost my marbles, then so be it (most people who know me probably think so anyway...;P). If anyone decides there is no point in following my posts anymore, then there's nothing I can do about it, and frankly, trying to write what I think people might want to read has never been my forte. I do want an exchange of thoughts - otherwise I'd just be scribbling away in a private notebook, not on the web - but small talk can only hold my attention for a limited amount of time, at best. So if we can't have a conversation about something really engaging, we might just as well not have a conversation at all (yes, that would be why I hardly ever talk to strangers, not just because I'm shy).
Yes, I do wish the world was brimming with other crazies like me - and maybe it is, maybe I just never knew how to find them. Or only found them briefly, before they moved on to other things (like most of my old buddies from the LOTR-slash universe). Or only found them AFTER they moved on to other things. I've read several more amazing fics this past week, and tried to see if their authors were perhaps still engaged in the fandom - but it seems that the ones who have journals or blogs don't really post about fannish stuff anymore. And the LJ-comms I've found are mostly dead. I did come across a most intriguing thing, though - someone created a journal in the assumed persona of my favorite vampire.:) It sounds like one of those RPG communities - except there is no mention of a role-playing game. All posts (and the profile, too, I might add) are completely in character, no giveaway in sight. It is all very cleverly done, and the commenters play along, never letting on that they think there is any deception involved.:) I find the entire thing utterly fascinating. The journal was last updated several weeks ago, so there is hope it hasn't been abandoned yet. Even if the posts aren't very frequent anymore. They USED to be very frequent, though - I scrolled back as far as LJ would let me (25 pages, I think), and it looks like the guy was quite talkative in October 2005.:D And yes, I do intend to read the entire thing from then till now, why do you ask? :P
See, I am hopeless. As well as exhausted, because I've fucked up my sleep schedule all over again. I should be sound asleep by midnight EVERY DAY if I want my mind and body to function properly - and yet, is there a better time to be reading about vampires than midnight?... LOL.
Sadly, though, I feel a classic sleep-deprivation headache coming on right now, so bedtime it is, weekend or not.:/
no subject
But yeah, I know what you mean. I fall in love with characters and fandoms and spend lots and lots of time thinking about them, reading fics, looking at fan art and just feeling like I was in love. Right now I'm more focused on my book project, the one I'm writing with my dearest friend. It's funny but it really feels the same the fandoms do. I'm obsessed with the story and the characters and I never get enough of them. I dream about them and think about them even when I'm at work.
But I do understand your point about sharing these things. I remember back in the past quite a few of my friends were into HP fandom with me and it was so wonderful to share the excitement, talk about the best fics & art and just be silly fan girls together. We even had some HP themed meetings etc. Nowadays I belong to Sherlock BBC fandom and it is very active but I don't really have anyone to share it with. I know people who like the BBC Sherlock but I never really talk about fandom stuff with them or share fic recs etc. Well, I do pour some of my fangirl hype on my husband and I'm very glad he's very understanding when it comes to slash. He does not read fics but I think he secretly (or not so secretly?) ships Sherlock/John too as he often comes to watch fan art blogs with me and finds them amusing. Haha. :)
And the LJ you wrote about sounds interesting.
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Haha, yes. Same here.:)
Good to know you have an understanding husband, LOL. A few of my close friends are understanding too - or tolerant, at least - but still, I want to interact with people who are just as batshit crazy about the same stuff as me. Nothing can beat that feeling of shared obsession. I had it for a while in the LOTR fandom - so I know what I'm missing, for better or worse... *sigh*
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And no, I dont think you have lost your marbles.
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Well, I do notice the actors sometimes. In some cases, I notice the characters BECAUSE of the actors. No offense to Tolkien, but I have a strong suspicion I would never have gone so crazy over LOTR if Viggo wasn't in it...;)
With Anne Rice, however, it's always been about the books, and I can't think of a single actor who would be absolutely perfect for any of her characters - though there are many good approximations. Which is usually the case with every book that captures my heart...
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Only slightly, though?... That reminds me of Elijah Wood saying that Viggo was "slightly mental" - when we all know he's a total nutcase.:D
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