just ignore me if you please, kthxbai
Sep. 15th, 2012 11:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
floatingleafWell, I've been wanting to post, but I just can't be bothered to write about stupid mundane stuff. None of it matters to me now. And what I do want to write about doesn't sound like it might possibly matter to anyone who might be reading. Yes, the loneliness of an unhinged fangirl can be a terrible thing.:P
And yet, I wouldn't relinquish this madness if I could. Not for the world. Even if it scares me a little right now. See, I've always been led to believe that this sort of single-minded obsession was something you tended to "grow out of" as you got older, that "mature" people kept their feet firmly on the ground and dismissed any and all such flighty nonsense. But that obviously isn't the case. I haven't changed since my first intense book/movie obsession at age 12. I still fall for fictional characters as though they are real persons, adore them with all the reckless abandon of a hormonal teenage girl, and want to read/write/talk about them endlessly... except I no longer dare dump these emotional monologues on friends who do not share the obsession, for fear they will shun me completely. Because, you know, I am a grown-up now, and so are my friends, and why should they put up with such foolishness? But when I am like this, in the initial stages of a fannish infatuation, I really have very little interest in anything OTHER than the object(s) of said infatuation - and so I tend to stay quiet and "live inside my head" rather than attempt to engage in pointless and tiresome conversation on other topics. Which might possibly explain my reticence of late.
But hell, is this my journal or what? If anyone thinks I have lost my marbles, then so be it (most people who know me probably think so anyway...;P). If anyone decides there is no point in following my posts anymore, then there's nothing I can do about it, and frankly, trying to write what I think people might want to read has never been my forte. I do want an exchange of thoughts - otherwise I'd just be scribbling away in a private notebook, not on the web - but small talk can only hold my attention for a limited amount of time, at best. So if we can't have a conversation about something really engaging, we might just as well not have a conversation at all (yes, that would be why I hardly ever talk to strangers, not just because I'm shy).
Yes, I do wish the world was brimming with other crazies like me - and maybe it is, maybe I just never knew how to find them. Or only found them briefly, before they moved on to other things (like most of my old buddies from the LOTR-slash universe). Or only found them AFTER they moved on to other things. I've read several more amazing fics this past week, and tried to see if their authors were perhaps still engaged in the fandom - but it seems that the ones who have journals or blogs don't really post about fannish stuff anymore. And the LJ-comms I've found are mostly dead. I did come across a most intriguing thing, though - someone created a journal in the assumed persona of my favorite vampire.:) It sounds like one of those RPG communities - except there is no mention of a role-playing game. All posts (and the profile, too, I might add) are completely in character, no giveaway in sight. It is all very cleverly done, and the commenters play along, never letting on that they think there is any deception involved.:) I find the entire thing utterly fascinating. The journal was last updated several weeks ago, so there is hope it hasn't been abandoned yet. Even if the posts aren't very frequent anymore. They USED to be very frequent, though - I scrolled back as far as LJ would let me (25 pages, I think), and it looks like the guy was quite talkative in October 2005.:D And yes, I do intend to read the entire thing from then till now, why do you ask? :P
See, I am hopeless. As well as exhausted, because I've fucked up my sleep schedule all over again. I should be sound asleep by midnight EVERY DAY if I want my mind and body to function properly - and yet, is there a better time to be reading about vampires than midnight?... LOL.
Sadly, though, I feel a classic sleep-deprivation headache coming on right now, so bedtime it is, weekend or not.:/
And yet, I wouldn't relinquish this madness if I could. Not for the world. Even if it scares me a little right now. See, I've always been led to believe that this sort of single-minded obsession was something you tended to "grow out of" as you got older, that "mature" people kept their feet firmly on the ground and dismissed any and all such flighty nonsense. But that obviously isn't the case. I haven't changed since my first intense book/movie obsession at age 12. I still fall for fictional characters as though they are real persons, adore them with all the reckless abandon of a hormonal teenage girl, and want to read/write/talk about them endlessly... except I no longer dare dump these emotional monologues on friends who do not share the obsession, for fear they will shun me completely. Because, you know, I am a grown-up now, and so are my friends, and why should they put up with such foolishness? But when I am like this, in the initial stages of a fannish infatuation, I really have very little interest in anything OTHER than the object(s) of said infatuation - and so I tend to stay quiet and "live inside my head" rather than attempt to engage in pointless and tiresome conversation on other topics. Which might possibly explain my reticence of late.
But hell, is this my journal or what? If anyone thinks I have lost my marbles, then so be it (most people who know me probably think so anyway...;P). If anyone decides there is no point in following my posts anymore, then there's nothing I can do about it, and frankly, trying to write what I think people might want to read has never been my forte. I do want an exchange of thoughts - otherwise I'd just be scribbling away in a private notebook, not on the web - but small talk can only hold my attention for a limited amount of time, at best. So if we can't have a conversation about something really engaging, we might just as well not have a conversation at all (yes, that would be why I hardly ever talk to strangers, not just because I'm shy).
Yes, I do wish the world was brimming with other crazies like me - and maybe it is, maybe I just never knew how to find them. Or only found them briefly, before they moved on to other things (like most of my old buddies from the LOTR-slash universe). Or only found them AFTER they moved on to other things. I've read several more amazing fics this past week, and tried to see if their authors were perhaps still engaged in the fandom - but it seems that the ones who have journals or blogs don't really post about fannish stuff anymore. And the LJ-comms I've found are mostly dead. I did come across a most intriguing thing, though - someone created a journal in the assumed persona of my favorite vampire.:) It sounds like one of those RPG communities - except there is no mention of a role-playing game. All posts (and the profile, too, I might add) are completely in character, no giveaway in sight. It is all very cleverly done, and the commenters play along, never letting on that they think there is any deception involved.:) I find the entire thing utterly fascinating. The journal was last updated several weeks ago, so there is hope it hasn't been abandoned yet. Even if the posts aren't very frequent anymore. They USED to be very frequent, though - I scrolled back as far as LJ would let me (25 pages, I think), and it looks like the guy was quite talkative in October 2005.:D And yes, I do intend to read the entire thing from then till now, why do you ask? :P
See, I am hopeless. As well as exhausted, because I've fucked up my sleep schedule all over again. I should be sound asleep by midnight EVERY DAY if I want my mind and body to function properly - and yet, is there a better time to be reading about vampires than midnight?... LOL.
Sadly, though, I feel a classic sleep-deprivation headache coming on right now, so bedtime it is, weekend or not.:/
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Date: 2012-09-18 03:35 am (UTC)Only slightly, though?... That reminds me of Elijah Wood saying that Viggo was "slightly mental" - when we all know he's a total nutcase.:D