why I suck at life

[floatingleaf]

So I went to this training session today. Had to get up at 5:30, which was, all by itself, quite traumatic.;) Then I somehow got off the bus at the wrong place again (despite having taken the trip beforehand) and couldn't find the train station (which was very close to where I was, actually, but I just didn't see it for some reason). Whereupon I panicked that I was going to be late, and almost took the bus in the wrong direction (luckily I got my bearings before I made that mistake, LOL). Then the train I got on was awfully crowded, and I almost panicked that I wasn't going to be able to squeeze out of it when my stop came along. In short, I was incredibly tense by the time I arrived (I was 20 minutes early, btw). Then it turned out that there were no refreshments provided, except water, and that I wasn't going to be able to eat anything until lunchtime (which was supposed to happen around noon). I had had breakfast, obviously, but that was around 6:30 a.m, since I needed to leave at seven. And there's simply NO WAY I can endure five hours of empty stomach in the morning, without feeling terribly uncomfortable. So I WAS feeling terribly uncomfortable (at least until we had a short break around 11:00, during which I managed to take a hasty bite or two out of the emergency snack bar I had thrown in my purse). I also tried not to drink too much water, because I go to the bathroom a lot, especially in the mornings, and I didn't want to attract attention by being the only person in the room who needs to leave every 45 minutes or so. *sigh* I didn't stop for coffee on the way for the very same reason, even though I had plenty of time to do that, and I definitely could have used some caffeine this morning. I just resigned myself to suffering, basically (btw, my stomach was growling so loudly I'm sure the two women sitting closest to me could hear it). Lunch was understandably blissful, though (some fastfood chicken salad, but I didn't care - at that point ANYTHING would have been delicious... LOL). And later I grabbed a cappuccino on my way back to the train station (I still needed to cook when I got home, and otherwise I would have just fallen on my face, probably). So I've been a bit frantic today, with all the nervousness plus the caffeine (I very rarely drink coffee, so it usually has quite an effect when I do) - but now I think the exhaustion is trying to kick in. So I'll be heading for the pillows - and I'd better sleep like the dead... LOL.

See, life is way too overwhelming for me sometimes. My stupid high-speed metabolism, my anxiety issues, my lack of spatial coordination... it can make everything so complicated. I used to think it would all get better as I got older - but the opposite seems to be the case. Oh well... this was a one-time event, at least, and I am back to my regular, calm & predictable daily routine tomorrow...

Comments

[taelyn-sass.livejournal.com]

There's something to be said for the routine. Sorry your day was so stressful.

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

I am a creature of habit... much like a cat. Pull me out of my comfortable groove, and I switch into panic mode.:/

[meathiel]

Well - as I already said ... I go crazy before events like that as well or travelling somewhere I don't know ... ugh!

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

Speaking of traveling - I haven't gone anywhere in years, and while the "official" reason was that I couldn't afford it, I am beginning to realize that in fact I am simply freaking out at the thought of going somewhere unfamiliar, having to arrange everything, meet new people etc. And the longer I put it off, the more difficult it seems... *sigh*

[goddessofchaos.livejournal.com]

I would find something like that hugely stressful as well. I would just have to resolve to suffer through a day like that too. It was good thinking to take a snack, I would have probably forgotten and drowned out everyone with my rumbling stomach!

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

I always remember to carry an emergency snack - simply because I am afraid I might actually pass out, or otherwise feel so miserable I'll break down crying... (I have been close to that on a few occasions)