Floating Leaf (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
floatingleaf) wrote2010-03-07 04:33 pm
floatingleaf) wrote2010-03-07 04:33 pm
Entry tags:
I can't handle the simplest things in life, apparently :|
Firstly, I want to thank everyone who wished me Happy Birthday.:) I got quite a few nice surprises this year: a beautiful A/L ficlet from surreysmum, baloons and a lovely note from illuins_lair (who is a new person on my flist, but boy, have we hit it off like a house on fire... LOL), snail mail card with jumping dolphins from dissonant_dream and a cute banner from akashaelfwitch. I love you guys. *squish*
Secondly, I'm having a minor anxiety attack right now. Or rather, a major one that has sort of abated for a bit, but is very likely to come back full force tomorrow. Reason? On Friday afternoon, my boss very casually mentioned that next week she is going to ask EVERYONE on the team to make some phone calls to our clients asking for updates. Because one of our major media guides comes out in print in three weeks, and there are still plenty of newspaper listings in there without current advertising rates. Now, this is something that has never happened before - I have been helping out with the newspaper stuff for about two years or so, but it hardly ever involved any client interaction; I've been mostly just updating the listings, sometimes sending someone an email copy for verification etc. I never had to pick up the phone. My main job responsibility is international media - and since, according to a company policy, we are not supposed to make international phone calls (only salespeople and other 'client-facing' departments are authorized to do that), all the interaction I have with clients is through email. Which is perfectly fine. I win at emails. My boss often praises my great communication skills. What she doesn't know, however, is that my eloquence goes out the window as soon as I have to actually open my mouth and talk to a mysterious stranger on the other end of the line. Phone conversations have always been a last resort for me - only if I absolutely can't get something done through other means (internet, snail mail, a trip to an office, what have you), will I ever consider doing it by phone. I have been known to postpone stuff (doctors' visits, home appliance repairs, customer service requests for all kinds of utilities etc.) for weeks/months on end, just because it required making a phone call. If I really have to, than I will do it - but I find it so emotionally draining that I'd very, very much rather not. I can't tell you how many times in my life I have actually punched a number, and then freaked out and disconnected before someone managed to pick up. And I can't even explain why I find it so terrifying. I mean I can, but I suppose it wouldn't make much sense to anyone who doesn't have the same problem. Because I don't know what the person on the other end is going to say? Because they might sound intimidating? Because they might mumble or speak with an unusual accent which makes it difficult for me to understand what they're saying? Because that makes me all flustered and unsure how to proceed, and probably sound like an idiot? I could go on, but what's the point. The bottom line is, I could probably handle a single random call every once in a while - but if my boss hands me a printout with 50 numbers on it, I am probably going to flip out and collapse under the desk. Or something. I mean, if I could at least do it somewhere behind closed doors, without all my coworkers being able to hear every word I'm saying, it wouldn't be quite as terrifying. Of course, I would still have sweaty palms, a pounding heart and watery knees, but at least no one else would know about it (unless the person on the other end of the line could detect it from my voice, that is). The thing is, I hear those people talking on their phones every day - and they all sound so totally relaxed and confident all the time, whether they're talking to their bank/doctor/plumber etc. or to a client. And I just... I'm sure they can't even begin to comprehend WHY ON EARTH any sane, mature person would have a problem with the phone. And that just makes it all the worse for me. *tortured sigh*
Anyway... I have to stop now, because my mother just called and asked when I am going to show up for dinner. I am taking my dad to the doctor tomorrow morning, so I was supposed to spend the night at their house anyway - but I didn't think my mom would even be there until 6 or 7 p.m., since she normally works on weekends. So I wasn't planning on getting there anytime soon. As it turns out, however, she doesn't have that weekend job anymore, so she decided to make some sort of birthday dinner for me instead. Except I didn't know about it until right now. She did call me on Thursday, but I didn't hear the phone, because I was driving home from work at the time - and even though I did see later that she had called, I didn't call her back. I also neglected to check my email on msn for a few days (which is the least used of my three email addresses) - so I didn't know that my sister & brother-in-law were going to be there as well. Now I feel like a complete idiot, because they're all waiting for me and I am nowhere near ready to leave yet. It just seems to be the start of some major FAIL phase for me.:/
surreysmum, baloons and a lovely note from illuins_lair (who is a new person on my flist, but boy, have we hit it off like a house on fire... LOL), snail mail card with jumping dolphins from dissonant_dream and a cute banner from akashaelfwitch. I love you guys. *squish* Secondly, I'm having a minor anxiety attack right now. Or rather, a major one that has sort of abated for a bit, but is very likely to come back full force tomorrow. Reason? On Friday afternoon, my boss very casually mentioned that next week she is going to ask EVERYONE on the team to make some phone calls to our clients asking for updates. Because one of our major media guides comes out in print in three weeks, and there are still plenty of newspaper listings in there without current advertising rates. Now, this is something that has never happened before - I have been helping out with the newspaper stuff for about two years or so, but it hardly ever involved any client interaction; I've been mostly just updating the listings, sometimes sending someone an email copy for verification etc. I never had to pick up the phone. My main job responsibility is international media - and since, according to a company policy, we are not supposed to make international phone calls (only salespeople and other 'client-facing' departments are authorized to do that), all the interaction I have with clients is through email. Which is perfectly fine. I win at emails. My boss often praises my great communication skills. What she doesn't know, however, is that my eloquence goes out the window as soon as I have to actually open my mouth and talk to a mysterious stranger on the other end of the line. Phone conversations have always been a last resort for me - only if I absolutely can't get something done through other means (internet, snail mail, a trip to an office, what have you), will I ever consider doing it by phone. I have been known to postpone stuff (doctors' visits, home appliance repairs, customer service requests for all kinds of utilities etc.) for weeks/months on end, just because it required making a phone call. If I really have to, than I will do it - but I find it so emotionally draining that I'd very, very much rather not. I can't tell you how many times in my life I have actually punched a number, and then freaked out and disconnected before someone managed to pick up. And I can't even explain why I find it so terrifying. I mean I can, but I suppose it wouldn't make much sense to anyone who doesn't have the same problem. Because I don't know what the person on the other end is going to say? Because they might sound intimidating? Because they might mumble or speak with an unusual accent which makes it difficult for me to understand what they're saying? Because that makes me all flustered and unsure how to proceed, and probably sound like an idiot? I could go on, but what's the point. The bottom line is, I could probably handle a single random call every once in a while - but if my boss hands me a printout with 50 numbers on it, I am probably going to flip out and collapse under the desk. Or something. I mean, if I could at least do it somewhere behind closed doors, without all my coworkers being able to hear every word I'm saying, it wouldn't be quite as terrifying. Of course, I would still have sweaty palms, a pounding heart and watery knees, but at least no one else would know about it (unless the person on the other end of the line could detect it from my voice, that is). The thing is, I hear those people talking on their phones every day - and they all sound so totally relaxed and confident all the time, whether they're talking to their bank/doctor/plumber etc. or to a client. And I just... I'm sure they can't even begin to comprehend WHY ON EARTH any sane, mature person would have a problem with the phone. And that just makes it all the worse for me. *tortured sigh*
Anyway... I have to stop now, because my mother just called and asked when I am going to show up for dinner. I am taking my dad to the doctor tomorrow morning, so I was supposed to spend the night at their house anyway - but I didn't think my mom would even be there until 6 or 7 p.m., since she normally works on weekends. So I wasn't planning on getting there anytime soon. As it turns out, however, she doesn't have that weekend job anymore, so she decided to make some sort of birthday dinner for me instead. Except I didn't know about it until right now. She did call me on Thursday, but I didn't hear the phone, because I was driving home from work at the time - and even though I did see later that she had called, I didn't call her back. I also neglected to check my email on msn for a few days (which is the least used of my three email addresses) - so I didn't know that my sister & brother-in-law were going to be there as well. Now I feel like a complete idiot, because they're all waiting for me and I am nowhere near ready to leave yet. It just seems to be the start of some major FAIL phase for me.:/
no subject
As for the phone calls: *HUGS* I can relate - there was a time on my job when I really feared the phone. Luckily, that is over by now, most of the times, but it still feels awkward to me whenever I feel insecure.
Would it maybe help if you wrote down what you want to ask and how you'd like to ask it before you made the first call? In that case, if everything fails you can just read it off the page, and if it goes well, you will become better and more secure with ever call you finished.
At least that is probably what I would try to do. (Just my two cents).
As for the birthday dinner - darn. Hope it will be a wonderful evening, anyway. *sends more hugs*
no subject
Would it maybe help if you wrote down what you want to ask and how you'd like to ask it before you made the first call?
Oh yeah, I always do that. I mean, not the writing down part, but I always have a very detailed 'script' in my head before I call anyone. It does help a bit, but still... I mean, it is all very well if the person on the other end responds in a predictable way - but if they surprise me with something, I sometimes tend to just draw a blank and either start babbling or just clamp my mouth shut for 30 seconds or so, until they start wondering whether I'm still there. In a worst case scenario, I would freak out and disconnect. But I obviously can't do that during a business call at work, so I might just keep on babbling to save the day and end up saying something really stupid instead.:/
if it goes well, you will become better and more secure with ever call you finished
Yeah. That's the key phrase. If it goes well. If it doesn't, I will get truly paranoid about the next call and it will end up being a self-fulfilling prophecy of doom. (I am sooo good at positive thinking, aren't I?... *mirthless snort*)
As for the birthday dinner - darn. Hope it will be a wonderful evening, anyway.
Well, I missed my sister & brother-in-law, because they had to leave early, as usual.:/ But this isn't the first case of miscommunication in my family, since we're all a little scatterbrained - so there are no hard feelings about it, most of the time. I think I am forgiven.;)
no subject
I have been known to postpone stuff (doctors' visits, home appliance repairs, customer service requests for all kinds of utilities etc.) for weeks/months on end, just because it required making a phone call. *raises up guilty!hand* Oh yeah.
Personally I find phone interactions difficult sometimes when I´m not feeling mentally prepared (whatever that is, but yeah. Like; if it´s on my own condition it´s a completely different thing, but if I´m forced to make or recieve a phone call I can dread it forever!)
I know exactly what I would do if I had a boss declaring a day of Dread in advance, which made me feel completely like nearing a nervous breakdown; I would call myself in sick. Immoral or not, it´s more healthy than to feel like that. Totally no regrets.
Anyway - don´t put yourself down about the whole phonephobia-thing and absolutely not about the birthday-dinner, since you didn´t even know about it!
*drags u up, dusts u off and hands you party-hat*
*throws phones out the window*
no subject
Oh yeah. The thing is, it wasn't supposed to be just "a day of dread", but an entire week. And if you call in sick for more than 3 days in a row, you need a note from a doctor.:(
*throws phones out the window*
OMG I really love you now.:D