Several things happened over the past few days. 1) I talked to a loan officer. 2) I discussed my situation with a friend. 3) I confided via email in another friend, who lives across the big pond and has known me for over 20 years - and she promptly wrote me back. And, as a result of all these conversations, I understood the following:

1) My negative feelings associated with the whole 'buy an apartment' project had nothing to do with the practical or financial side of the matter. They had everything to do with, a) my fear of change, b) my fear of stress and responsibility, c) my strong allergic reaction to my mother and her aggressive 'methods of persuasion', so to speak.

2) It IS, indeed, within my means - with very little help from my parents, if any - to take a loan for a one-bedroom apartment (let alone a studio); if I'm lucky, the monthly fees MIGHT even be lower than my current rent.

3) Once I've had some time to mull this over, I'm not so terribly scared and overwhelmed by it any more. Just a little nervous, frankly. Or very nervous, but in a sort of almost-excited way, lol. I STILL would have preferred to do it at my own pace - but I do realize that the housing prices might not oblige by staying ridiculously low for as long as it takes for me to feel 'ready'.

4) If my mother hadn't been the first/only person who tried to talked me into this, my emotional attitude would have been totally different and I probably would have done it by now.:P

4) I know I'm rationalizing to some extent, now that I've pretty much decided to go on with the plan - but I no longer feel like I'm doing this 'just because my mother said so', and it makes all the difference in the world. Funny that. *sarcastic smirk*


That's it for now. Feel free to sigh and shake your head, dear reader, as you see fit.;P

I went to see my parents last weekend, and was informed that they finally managed to pay off their house. Which is definitely good news. It didn't seem likely for a while that this would ever happen, so I am really happy for them. They love that house, and worked themselves silly for years just to keep it. However, now that this one big project is off the agenda, my mother decided that it is time for ME to buy an apartment. She has been trying to talk me into it for a while now, and I have been patienly repeating to her that, 1) I HAVE NO MONEY, 2) I do NOT want to change my job (and there isn't that much of a chance for finding a better-paying one right now anyway). I KNOW that housing is cheaper now than ever before - but that still doesn't mean it is cheap enough for someone who makes $22,500 a year. I just CAN'T afford to pay more than $600 a month - and the lowest monthly mortgage payment I have ever seen or heard of is somewhere between $700-800. Let alone that I don't have enough for a downpayment. These basic facts have not changed since the last time we had this conversation. However, last Sunday my mother happily announced that now she no longer has to pay the mortgage, she can start saving some money for my downpayment. And there is this wonderfully smart realtor lady, recommended by my aunt, whom she wants me to call for a consultation. And then, once I start looking at apartments, I should take notes, so I don't forget what I liked or disliked about each one etc.etc.etc.

Oh, and by the way, this should all happen within a year or so, because there is no telling when the prices might start going up again. So, considering the fact that the annual lease on my current place of residence expires at the end of February, it should probably happen within the next six months. Great. No problem. Thanks for the heads up. *grits teeth*

( Don't get me wrong, dear reader. )

Hi, everyone. I'm still here. Or rather, I'm back. For the benefit of the precious few who might possibly have been wondering about my atypically long silence, here's the story: my computer crashed on August 2nd. Yes, the day after I made my previous post. Remember my frantic Google search for a free download of a certain comic book?... Well, I suppose that's what proved to be the final straw for my poor old laptop: visiting some dubious download sites without up-to-date antivirus protection. The thing is, I'm so hopelessly clueless in the software department I wasn't even aware that my antivirus was out of date. ( Read more... )

By the way, if you have computer problems of any kind and are NOT an expert on the matter, check out this website: http://ask-leo.com. It's run by a guy who's a software engineer, giving advice to people on computer-related issues, answering questions etc. Sort of like a 'computers for dummies' kinda thing. I have spent an inordinate amount of time on this website over the past two weeks - during work hours, I might add (I had luckily stumbled upon it while doing this endless web research project). And I will keep checking it to stay on top of things. I followed this guy's recommendations on security software, btw. And I will probably ask him some questions of my own, since I'm still quite confused about certain aspects of the huge 'system analyzer report' the GeekSquad handed me after the repair, lol.

Needless to say, I am immensely behind on all things LJ, Yahoo!Group email and other online stuff. I will TRY to catch up as best as I can, because I AM anal-retentive enough to scroll back through ten pages of friends' list just to see what I missed - but there's no telling how long it might take me. So don't be surprised if you see me comment to something you posted three weeks ago.:)

Fortunately, today we had our annual company picnic at work and they let us go home early, so I am using this afternoon/evening to do as much catch-up as I can. But I'll probably still be behind for the next week or so.

I probably should also mention the fact that this sudden unplanned expense ($300 to fix the laptop) means no vacation trips for me this year. I was sort of considering going to the Columbus Retreat in October, since it would be relatively inexpensive as trips go - but now just the thought of spending ANY money on anything I CAN live without makes me cringe.:( Besides, work will be crazy busy in October and I'm sure I will be able to get plenty of overtime - so actually taking time OFF during that month is not an economically good idea (not to mention that my boss wouldn't be thrilled about it, LOL). Btw, they just told us at the company meeting today that we might not be getting any raises next year, either.:/ I don't even want to think about the practicalities of making ends meet in case that happens (or doesn't, as it were). *shudder* So, no Columbus trip this time. Sorry, taelyn_sass.:( HOWEVER, since I have plenty of vacation days available, I've taken the whole first week of September off (starting August 31st, up to and including the Labor Day weekend - so it will be TEN days altogether, yay). I'm still not sure what I'll do with it, other than chill out at home and maybe find some cheap ways of exploring the city - but I know it will be highly beneficial to my mental health and well-being.:)

That's it for now. Back to reading old posts.;)

Okay, first of all - HAPPY BIRTHDAY, stormatdusk!!! I hope it is today or thereabouts, since you did not put the date in your profile.:P

Second of all, hugs for dissonant_dream!!! Your Postcard No.3 (from Leamington Spa) has arrived.:D What a gorgeous place to chill out at during the summer... *longing sigh* I loved the quote too (Middlemarch was on my reading list at uni, but that was yeeears ago... so I don't remember much of the book, except that it was a sad and beautiful story). <333

Third of all, I am way too excited about catching up with my favorite comic (see previous post for details ;). I had thought I was basically over it, but apparently not. Maybe I'm experiencing a second adolescence or something.:P Anyway... just a few random covers, because I LOVE the artwork. ( fantasy art under the cut )

So, yesterday my teacher friend invited me and another friend of mine (the ex-receptionist, as it were) to her place for a proper Sunday bash. We had a vegetarian grill-fest (soy burgers on flatbread, baked potatoes, grilled bell peppers and mushrooms stuffed with pesto & sprinkled with parmesan), followed by delicious multi-flavored Italian ice-cream, and discussed everything from our own personal lives to art, psychology, politics and social issues (immigration, 'reverse racism' etc.). It was a blast. I brought a bottle of Chardonnay, and I confess I consumed at least half of it myself. *blush* I must have had about four glasses - which is more than I've had since... I don't know. Years, probably. So I was happily drunk, to my friends' obvious amusement.:D Fortunately, thanks to all the food I consumed, there wasn't much of an unpleasant after-effect this morning.:)

But what I'm really trying to say, I guess, is that no matter how much of a loner I have become, it still feels insanely good to interact with people who pick up the same brain-wave. I may be very reserved around strangers, but the carefully chosen few get the full benefit of my happily exuberant, tipsy eloquence.;D

Btw, I noticed that as soon as I feel myself becoming slightly inebriated, it is easier for me to speak English than Polish. Which is absolutely ridiculous, since I have only been living in an English-speaking country for 7 years. It would have made perfect sense if it was the other way around... but no. Of course, I switch back and forth between the two languages even when I'm sober - most immigrants do - and my two friends in question do too, since they both moved to the States in their early teens or thereabouts. But the funny thing is that when I'm drunk, I seem to just instinctively stick to English (not on purpose, since at that point I simply don't care anymore and don't make any conscious decisions as to which language I am using). And of the three of us, I seem to be the only one doing that - despite the fact that both my friends have more reason to be that way, so to speak. And the only explanation I could come up with was that English words/sentences are usually shorter and/or simpler than Polish ones and therefore easier to pronounce when you're tipsy. Which may be objectively true, but still... Can it take only seven years in a foreign country for your first language to start feeling like your second?... Anyone else with similar experiences willing to share?... Just curious, you know.

No time for a long post today, but I've been thinking about what I said regarding Dany&Dany's comics - how their characters are irresistible to me because they have sharp cheekbones, expressive eyes and sensual lips. And how the same combination usually slays me in real people too. And I've been looking through the pics of some celebrities that I find devastatingly sexy, wondering if they follow the same pattern. Just an amusing little experiment, if you please. Or another way of trying to determine whether I have a 'type' (as in, who's my type and who isn't). On one hand, it seems I don't, because, as you will see below, gender or race/ethnicity are not determining factors at all.:D But on the other hand, these gorgeous people do, in a way, all look alike. And I do think it's mainly in the bone structure. As well as some kind of 'spark' that goes beyond physical beauty (there are some perfectly beautiful people that I do not find sexy, precisely because they are missing that 'spark'; and some are sexy without being beautiful - but the ones I'm posting here tonight are both :).

So, without further ado, I present some of the most stunning faces of the film industry (btw, no Viggo or Orlando here, because that would be stating the obvious - anyone reading this journal knows where these two are on my attractiveness meter, lol). ( Read more... )

So... long weekend. What a rare, precious thing. *sigh* We had early close at work yesterday (and this time my boss didn't insist on me starting one hour earlier than usual because of that, I might point out), so I spent the evening catching up with my teacher friend (the same one I saw last weekend, but we still had lots of catching up left to do, lol), who made me watch the first two episodes of True Blood (she is a serious vampire lover who has a cat named Buffy, btw ;). It was entertaining enough, even if I don't really see myself becoming a hardcore fan.:P Next time we're watching Alatriste (I'm NOT forcing it on her - she asked if I had the DVD, lol).

But speaking of movies - there is this cool 'movie journal' format for reviewing, which I have stolen from crimsonsenya. Apparently there are actual print journals like that, though I don't think I've even seen one. Anyway... it makes much more sense to do it online, so other people can read if they so choose. And it will make my movie gushing more 'organized' and easier to follow, should anyone wish to (or should I wish to go back and look up a certain film several years later, for example). So I might try to post about some movies I have seen over the past few months/years and somehow never got to mention here. I just looked up my Netflix list of highest rated titles, and I don't know where to start.:) So this may seem like a random pick. But it is, undoubtedly, one of the highest cinematic achievements I have ever seen.

( heartwrenching Chinese drama under the cut )

Now, I don't make fic rec posts very often. So when I do, you better believe it's something truly special.:) This story was recommended to me by ana_lib_elf, back when we met for the Yaoi Con in San Francisco in October'07. It was an unfinished WIP at that time, and I didn't start reading right away, because I have a love/hate relationship with unfinished WIPs.;) But finally curiosity won over, and I clicked on the link to the first chapter. And it pulled me in with enough force to leave me breathless.

It is a massive, novel-length fic (60 big chapters) - but still, I caught up pretty quickly to a nasty cliffhanger and then had to wait for another update, biting my nails raw in the process.;) Therefore, I decided to spare anyone the frustration and not rec it until it was finished. Which it is. As of this week.

So, without futher ado, I heartily recommend This Present Darkness by Lamiel. Here's the link:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2057806/1/

It is SERIOUS angst, people. And yes, bad things happen to Legolas. As bad as you can imagine, and probably worse. Incidentally, this must be the first time I have ever recced a major elf-abuse fic - I usually tend to avoid those, because, well... elf-abuse is WRONG.:P But this should only tell you how unbelievably good this story is.

I should also probably indicate that it is NOT a slash story. Another surprise from me, I guess - but ultimately, it is the quality of the writing that matters to me above anything else. It is a story about friendship, and love - and how the two aren't really that far apart from each other. It is also about betrayal and atonement, about the dark secrets of the human mind and the astonishing power - as well as vulnerability - of an elven spirit. The main pairing in the fic is Aragorn/Arwen, but Aragorn and Legolas are the most prominent characters throughout. Other heavily featured personas include Gimli, Faramir, Imrahil, a fiercely magnificent Thranduil and a thoroughly evil - though still quite realistic - OC villain that you will simply LOVE to hate.;) All the characters, no matter how minor, will jump out of the page in vivid colors, giving you more of an insight into their souls than Tolkien himself ever did. Especially the differences between human and elven psyche are explored in great depth - which I found absolutely fascinating.

And just one final note: Aragorn is NOT a villain in this story, even if it may seem so at the beginning. I just feel I need to say this, because I don't think I could have handled reading the whole thing through if he was - and I certainly wouldn't have had the heart to rec it, no matter how magnificently written. So I assure you that all the personalities in the fic are canon - just subjected to more psychoanalysis than some of them would care about, lol (especially Gimli, I presume).

Anyway... heed the warnings, kindly provided with every chapter - but otherwise enjoy some top quality fiction from an author who handles her characterizations, plot development and linguistic issues like a pro. Now, if only she wrote some happy slash... *wistful sigh*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, dissonant_dream !!! I hope you have a blast.:) I have invited the guys below to give you some serious birthday hugs - as soon as they're finished cuddling each other, of course.:D




( some pointless blabber under the cut )

I've finished creating my Cruxshadows playlist. It lasts 4 hours.:) Also, I've been paying more attention to the lyrics, and I have to say that the band has far more to offer than catchy tunes. Some of the songs truly surprised me with their depth and various cultural references. Not your typical 'synthpop', that's for sure. Rogue may look like a teenage post-punk kid (though he's actually only a year younger than me, lol) - but there's more to him than meets the eye. I won't bore anyone with the entire etymology of the band's name and logo, which I find rather cool and cleverly thought out - but I can't resist sharing a few snippets of the lyrics. ( Here's my favorite: )