floatingleaf: (dewdrop)
[personal profile] floatingleaf
The heatwave continues. The temperature inside my apartment is more or less tolerable in the wee hours of the morning... but otherwise, I feel half-roasted alive. Especially in the evening, as the sun goes down outside my windows and the hot air rises from the ground. This, of course, makes me very lazy. Some small part of me seems to think I should be feeling guilty about this lack of productivity... but I am too lethargic to care. I will be productive when I am able to put on some clothes without feeling them stick to my body. Ugh. I went out for groceries today, and made a salad. That pretty much used up my energy quota. If the temperature stays the same tomorrow (which is very likely), I'll be lying flat on my back, reading or listening to music. The world can wait...:P

Btw, so far I have experienced absolutely no pain or swelling after my wisdom tooth extraction. So I'm assuming everything's fine, and no longer taking the antibiotic. According to my Google search, prescribing antibiotics after oral surgery used to be common practice - but it was actually discontinued a few years ago. Apparently now it is only recommended in case of infection, or for people with severe health conditions, after major surgeries etc. In a generally healthy person, it can actually do more harm then good (no surprise, since it indiscriminately kills ALL the bacteria in your gut - including the ones you need for your immune system to function). So to hell with it.

Like I said, there has been no pain - but I have another little problem. I keep accidentally biting on the inside of my left cheek while I eat. Because of the huge empty space where a tooth used to be, the cheek just keeps getting sucked in and bitten. Which is terribly annoying. So I have taken to holding the skin away from my teeth while I eat - which I'm sure would look utterly ridiculous if anyone could see me do it. But nobody can, so it's all good.:P

Also, I seem to have effortlessly achieved my "ideal weight" - the magic number I used to strive for while I was doing WeightWatchers in 2007. Back then, I only held it very briefly, and it really didn't seem sustainable. It felt like holding on to it required too much work. But, lo and behold, all it took was ditching the wheat and the sugar - and there it is. No calorie counting whatsoever. No exercise, even - or not much of it (I WILL do more of it, I swear, but it's just too fucking hot right now). Just cutting out the two major food ingredients that mess with your metabolism and make your body store fat. I still have my little "love handles", btw. It would probably take a very consistent exercise routine (on top of the right diet) to make them disappear (considering they've been around for about two decades... LOL). But I feel the difference every time I get dressed. Clothes don't lie. I also look sort of younger, and not bad at all for my advanced age - if I say so myself. Which is definitely a new experience (both being happy with the way I look, AND having the confidence to admit it). Btw, I was organizing some stuff on my desk recently, and found an old keycard from my first office job in the US (2003). With my picture on it. And I realized that was probably the last time I felt satisfied with my looks (I was still a fresh immigrant, before I started ruining my health with all the processed junk that masquerades as food in this country, and gaining weight). Until now. Seriously - for over a decade, it was very difficult for me to accept even the most sincere compliments... I always felt like the person saying them must be either mocking me, or just "trying to be nice" out of pity, or possibly in need of a new pair of glasses.:P I felt bitter and angry when people lectured me about the need to love myself, or to accept myself the way I was. It sounded cruel, somehow. Well... it doesn't anymore. And it's not just about looks, either. It always went deeper than that - but what is so satisfying about the way I see myself now is that I look and feel healthier; and the experience of healing my body also heals the mind. Because - guess what - they're rather intimately connected.:) And the healthier mind refuses to waste any more energy on self-flagellation. So maybe I don't actually "look better", objectively speaking - maybe I am just kinder and more accepting towards the face in the mirror. Either way, it feels great. It's almost like meeting an interesting new person... or an old, long-lost friend. One I have a lot to learn from. Which reminds me of that dream I had a few years ago, where I met my older self - a very wrinkled, yet serene little lady who touched my face tenderly and offered some words of wisdom. Unfortunately, I couldn't remember a single thing she said after I woke up. But I think I know now what her message was. Probably something along the lines of: You WILL realize how beautiful you are. Or, perhaps, even simpler than that: CHILL OUT, honey. It's going to be OK. :)
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