Hello, dear girl!!! <333 Long time no see, as they say. How are you and your little brood?...;)
who was so able to tell exactly what theri problem is -- without a lot of sidestepping or blaming things
I am old enough to know myself pretty well by now... lol. Not that it always helps... but I also know that blaming things doesn't help either.
It's no use saving money for a trip to Europe because I'm too socially afraid to go anyway. And it's no use to work on my social skills and widening my social network to dare make a trip to Europe, because I can't afford to go there anyway
Exactly. The vicious blind circle. The fact that I never even applied for a passport is the best example of my defeatist attitude. It is so incredibly easy for me to just give up - but then I see other people, who have not given up, and I feel myself becoming so bitter and envious it's almost frightening. I don't want to be this bitter, envious person. It's not pretty, and it isn't really me. Money can be a big obstacle, but saying "I would do this or that if only I had more money" can also be a very convenient excuse to not make any effort at all. Which brings us back to blaming things beyond our control (or things which we ASSUME to be beyond our control). And that only leads to bitterness etc.
I will find a way to enhance my social skills
It's not that I completely lack social skills - I can muster them up if I have to - but mostly I just end up feeling it wasn't worth the effort. For example, why fight to overcome my shyness only to exchange platitudes or talk about the weather? I can totally do without that, thank you very much. That's why I prefer meeting people online, where the acquaintance usually starts from discussing a common topic of interest (like fanfiction) - at least I know right away that me & this person actually have something in common.:) But that, of course, leads to the predictable trap of being left with a whole bunch of friends who all live too far away to ever be able to meet up with you and do anything together.:/ And that's how the social skills of actual in-person-interaction become rusty from lack of use. It's a question of 'refreshing' them, like a long-lost language I used to speak relatively well some years ago... (before I moved to another country, became trapped in my parents' house for many months and dicovered the internet which helped preserve my sanity... lol)
you might find it fun, and look for a new job with better pay
Honestly, I don't think I want to change my job. It's in many ways perfectly suited to who I am, and all the things I like about it really do make up for the low pay. After all, it's a place I spend a lot of time in - so it does matter a lot to me that I can feel comfortable there. I'd rather try to set up social challenges for myself on my private time every once in a while than have them forced on me by a more demanding position. I know I often tend to take the easy way out - but I also know my limits, and I know that a lot of stress at work depletes me of any energy I might otherwise use to improve my private life. So a job that would involve travelling and talking to people in more than one language sounds like a perfect nightmare... LOL.
Anyway... sorry for the long ramble, and thanks for being my private shrink yet again...;) *hugs*
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Date: 2010-08-13 03:33 am (UTC)who was so able to tell exactly what theri problem is -- without a lot of sidestepping or blaming things
I am old enough to know myself pretty well by now... lol. Not that it always helps... but I also know that blaming things doesn't help either.
It's no use saving money for a trip to Europe because I'm too socially afraid to go anyway. And it's no use to work on my social skills and widening my social network to dare make a trip to Europe, because I can't afford to go there anyway
Exactly. The vicious blind circle. The fact that I never even applied for a passport is the best example of my defeatist attitude. It is so incredibly easy for me to just give up - but then I see other people, who have not given up, and I feel myself becoming so bitter and envious it's almost frightening. I don't want to be this bitter, envious person. It's not pretty, and it isn't really me. Money can be a big obstacle, but saying "I would do this or that if only I had more money" can also be a very convenient excuse to not make any effort at all. Which brings us back to blaming things beyond our control (or things which we ASSUME to be beyond our control). And that only leads to bitterness etc.
I will find a way to enhance my social skills
It's not that I completely lack social skills - I can muster them up if I have to - but mostly I just end up feeling it wasn't worth the effort. For example, why fight to overcome my shyness only to exchange platitudes or talk about the weather? I can totally do without that, thank you very much. That's why I prefer meeting people online, where the acquaintance usually starts from discussing a common topic of interest (like fanfiction) - at least I know right away that me & this person actually have something in common.:) But that, of course, leads to the predictable trap of being left with a whole bunch of friends who all live too far away to ever be able to meet up with you and do anything together.:/ And that's how the social skills of actual in-person-interaction become rusty from lack of use. It's a question of 'refreshing' them, like a long-lost language I used to speak relatively well some years ago... (before I moved to another country, became trapped in my parents' house for many months and dicovered the internet which helped preserve my sanity... lol)
you might find it fun, and look for a new job with better pay
Honestly, I don't think I want to change my job. It's in many ways perfectly suited to who I am, and all the things I like about it really do make up for the low pay. After all, it's a place I spend a lot of time in - so it does matter a lot to me that I can feel comfortable there. I'd rather try to set up social challenges for myself on my private time every once in a while than have them forced on me by a more demanding position. I know I often tend to take the easy way out - but I also know my limits, and I know that a lot of stress at work depletes me of any energy I might otherwise use to improve my private life. So a job that would involve travelling and talking to people in more than one language sounds like a perfect nightmare... LOL.
Anyway... sorry for the long ramble, and thanks for being my private shrink yet again...;) *hugs*