just a ramble - feel free to skip ;)

It just struck me today that in fact I do know why I'm so much into all the Vigorli stories set in New Zealand - especially the ones where they form a wonderful friendship first, then somehow land in bed together, then realize they have fallen in love with each other and try to preserve the relationship somehow after the filming ends. That's basically a better version of what happened to me about 2 years ago. There was wonderful friendship and unexpected romance, and the realization of deeper feelings - on one side, at least. Only there was no happy ending. No continuation after the ocean (the very same ocean, even) came between us and brought us back to our respective realities. So these stories have a much deeper emotional resonance for me than they might have otherwise. They are a form of compensation. It would be very wrong to say that I am addicted to them just because I enjoy gay porn.

Not that I didn't know this before. It just becomes painfully clear on slow, lazy days like this, when there's time for quiet contemplation. I've been reading slash at work again. Of the abovementioned variety. Specifically, chaosmanor and ancabell. And all I really want to say is that I am immensely grateful for having discovered LJ and all the beautifully insane people on it. Maybe, just maybe, these people have saved me somehow. Made me believe that someone understands how I'm feeling... even if they have no idea at all. Made it worthwhile to get up every morning and face another day. Made me realize I'm not so lonely anymore...

This is addressed to pretty much everyone on my flist, and maybe even to some people who aren't there yet - and I don't really care whether I'm making much sense at this point. I'm just having a sentimental day - not that there ever is a day when I'm not sentimental, lol (or just plain mental, even). This is pure rambling. Stream of consciousness from a sleep-deprived (as well as caffeine-deprived) mind. And another stunning conclusion is that I would never have fallen so deeply for Viggo if I hadn't discovered LJ first - because I simply wouldn't have known how wonderful he is. I did notice him in LOTR, of course, but looks are never enough for me...