slight panic attack

I am SO pathetic. After the doctor told me I need to lose weight, I decided to start exercising again (which I hadn't done since sometime in December). So I begin today, and after about ten minutes of mild bending & twisting I am DEAD. Just utterly, completely DEAD. Like I carried fifty pounds up a mountain, you know? That scares me, man. It's like I have no muscles at all. Just one big limp noodle.:/ And I used to do those same exercises pretty easily last year. Have I let myself go to the point of self-destruction?... How long will it take until I can do a simple 20-minute workout without my tongue hanging down to my knees?... And even if I manage that, will it be enough to STOP GAINING weight, let alone start losing?... Because the more I gain, the harder it will be to exercise. Oh God please don't let me become a 200-pound 'American nightmare' in 'plus size' baggy clothes. *shudder*

Sorry, flist. No offence meant to anyone. If I am a fat, lazy ass, then I have only myself to thank for it. And whinging about it is not going to help either. *gnashes teeth*

So, if I don't stick out this time and stop exercising AGAIN, you can all call me a pathetic, hopeless twat and punch me in the face. Because I was a slim, sexy lady about three years ago, and back then it would have taken very little effort to keep it that way. If only I had made that effort. But no. I was too lazy. So I woke up one day, about ten sizes later, very puzzled as to what actually happened. *headdesk*

God, I do hate myself sometimes.:|