system failure is imminent :P

It's happened again. I stayed up all night, first Skyping, then unable to sleep due to being too buzzed from the exuberant hilarity of the conversation... then Skyping again, around 3-4 a.m., because, as it turned out, my partner in crime was also still online (not even having attempted to go to bed, I might add). *headdesk* I am definitely too old for this. And yet, it seems to be happening regardless of my plans, moods, opinions, fears or any other considerations. And I seem to be OK with it. Or, you know, my consciousness has been altered to the point where I don't care.:P Who needs drugs? The Crazy People From The Internet (as a friend of mine once put it) are quite enough...;)

The VC fandom is very active, too, and I want to participate in it more. As in, I want to write, not only comment on other people's fic/artwork etc. (however engaging that is) But there's this little voice in my head telling me not to bother, because, 1) most of what HAS been written in this fandom is either quite good or downright outstanding, and how could I ever measure up; and 2) the author officially hates fanfiction, which makes it somewhat illicit, and therefore somewhat risky, if only in theory. And I do not like risks. Perpetuating LOTR slash was so much easier, somehow; of course there were tons of good fic around, but there were also tons of crap, and it seemed like I could place myself above the average without much effort.;) Plus, the author was dead and you didn't have to worry about his potential reaction to what you did with his characters.:P So, I very much want to write, but I am also very tentative about it...

Not to mention I can't really focus on it, anyway, because I'm too busy discussing life and fandom with someone who is too compulsively creative to care about trivial human pursuits like food or sleep.:P Don't get me wrong; I love being the beta reader/chief advisor/captive audience etc. I think it's flattering, and I don't have a competitive bone in my body, so envy isn't really a factor. But I would need a quiet, focused mind to be able to do any writing... and that just doesn't happen of late. I'm on a rollercoaster.;) But then again, if not for said rollercoaster, perhaps I wouldn't even CARE about the potential writing, because I wouldn't be able to convince myself that anyone might want to read it. So it's a bit of a conundrum...

In other news, none of my old Polish friends have added me on Skype so far. I am a bit miffed. Because I clearly haven't been spending enough hours on there already... *facepalm*

Nothing else to report. Work is busy, but not too stressful, weather is crazy, but we're all used to it by now, and I'm PMS-ing, but so far it's just making me manic, not murderous. Early bedtime tonight sounds tempting... but I better not mention that in case I jinx it again...;P