neither here nor there

So, as I may have mentioned, I have a brand new PC. All-in-one Dell Inspiron "with all the bells and whistles" (according to my dad, who bought it for me). Touch screen, wireless mouse & keyboard, webcam, DVD drive, six USB ports etc. And, as if that wasn't enough to make me happy, I apparently just ordered a smartphone. *looks sheepish* Which I wasn't even planning on getting anytime soon. My old "dumb" cellphone is working just fine. And I pretty much only use it to talk to my parents. But the thing is, my iPod Touch has died. Or I thought it had. For about 24 hours, it was totally unresponsive, despite being plugged into the charger. So I panicked and spontaneously decided to upgrade my old cell to an iPhone - not because I wanted a new phone, but because I NEED a good portable music player that will house my entire iTunes library (which I still need to recreate on the new PC, btw). I don't care what else it can do - I just think it makes more sense to carry around one mobile device instead of two (plus, people would finally stop asking me why I don't have a smartphone... LOL).

Anyway... now that I have already ordered this expensive (and probably entirely unnecessary) new gadget, my iPod "woke up" again and acts as if nothing ever happened. *sigh* So I'm feeling guilty about acting so rashly. I could have waited another day or two before deciding to spend $400 on something I don't really need. Not that it's going to break me financially or anything, but... I've been buying TONS of stuff to furnish my new place, not to mention tons of clothing to furnish my new figure ;) (currently wearing size 4, btw) - and perhaps I'm beginning to feel like it's time to stop.:P

Then again... feeling guilty about spending money is something I learned from my mother. She always told me not to "waste" money on stuff. And, of course, it wouldn't be right to waste HER money on stuff I want. However, the money I am "wasting" now is MY money. It comes entirely from my paycheck. I don't owe it to anybody, and it's entirely up to me what I do with it. So the guilt is neither here nor there. *shrug*

I guess I'm just having a hard time getting used to the idea that I CAN afford things. That I don't have to ask anybody's permission to buy this or that. I am actually making more than enough to cover all my everyday expenses, PLUS an occasional extravaganza like a smartphone.:D And that is such a new concept to me, still, that some part of my brain wants to believe it warrants some sort of divine punishment. Because, after all, who am I to be making all this money?... I never worked as hard as my mom did. And so on, and so forth.

Ahhh, those old limiting beliefs... Don't they make life interesting sometimes? *headshake*