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floatingleafAgain, the weekend slipped away before I managed to sit my ass down and make a proper post.:/ I hate when that happens. And I can't even say I've been extremely busy. In fact, I totally meant to post last night - except I decided to get the weekend cooking out of the way instead, since I "had the time", and then I watched a movie... and then it was late and I was tired. And today I decided that since I had done the cooking already, I should take care of laundry. But before that, I also decided to call my friend Dorota in Poland, since she had sent me a whole bunch of emails in the past few weeks, to which I hadn't so far managed to respond, and she was beginning to worry about my prolonged silence. So I called, and we talked for almost TWO HOURS... again. *headshake* Don't get me wrong - I love her to bits, and it's always nice to catch up, but that girl can TALK. She is one of the most chatty, eloquent, "wordy" people I have ever met. It's virtually impossible to end a conversation with her; we begin saying our goodbyes, and suddenly, in the midst of that, she's off on another 15-minute tangent.:D So yeah... that was a bit time-consuming.;) I've also exchanged a bunch of comments with VC people over on Dreamwidth. Which is always exciting. You know, when you're so pathologically nuts about a fandom, you want to TALK to people about it - and my friend Dorota, a sweetheart though she is, doesn't quite get my strange fascination with gay vampires, so I don't want to torture her with it.;)
Anyway... I have generally failed at LJ interaction as a result, but I will try to catch up a bit during the week. Now I just really wanted to post something before I go to bed, because, well... just because.:P Also, I have an idea for the next installment of the 30-day meme.
"A first" could be anything. So let me pick something I may not have mentioned here otherwise - the first time I went to a gay bar.:D Now, keep in mind this was nearly 20 years ago, in Poland - which is a context that gives the whole experience a very unique flavor, LOL. First of all, it was supposedly the ONLY gay-friendly establishment in the entire city of Krakow at the time (a city with a population of 700,000 or thereabouts). At least, the only one we had heard about. Me & my then-girlfriend, that is. I can't even remember HOW we heard about it - certainly not through ads in the local paper, LOL. It was very much a dirty secret, largely unknown to the general heterosexual population. It was located in a dingy basement below some shady massage parlour type-a-thing, and very adequately named Hades (you know, The Underworld). It took us quite a while to find it, actually, since we didn't know the exact address, and the neon sign was very small and unobtrusive (clearly meant to only draw people who knew about it and were looking for it). Finally, we entered the dark hallway an descended the long staircase into the bowels of Hell.:P The interior was filled with dim, reddish light, a thick cloud of cigarette smoke and the insistent throb of bad disco. As well as a veritable throng of men. I think we were the only females in the entire establishment that night. Which felt... strange. What was good about it, though, was that none of those men paid us the slightest bit of attention. They were way too busy checking out and/or groping other men... LOL. I remember the intense feeling of relief coupled with this realization. I had always felt acutely uncomfortable in bars and nightclubs when my girlfriend dragged me there; she didn't mind flirting with guys who noticed us and "acting straight" just for the heck of it, but to me, the very concept of flirting for the sake of flirting seemed entirely pointless somehow, and the very thought of some random guy hitting on me made me want to crawl under the floorboards. So being in a place filled with men who looked right through me as if I wasn't there bordered on perfection.;) Also, I could slow-dance with my girlfriend, or even sit in her lap and kiss her, and no-one cared about that either. No open-mouthed, gaping, disapproving stares we had become accustomed to at other occasions. In other words: paradise. And quite possibly the first time I actually enjoyed myself in a noisy, crowded place - because I felt safe there. Because, in some weird and disturbing way, I felt at home. Never mind the bad music and the thick, choking waves of cigarette smoke. The Underworld had become my refuge. I visited it regularly over the next few years. First with the abovementioned girlfriend, then with other gay friends, then with my next girlfriend and more friends... and sometimes even by myself. See, after a few weeks you pretty much knew most of the people who frequented the place - there was nowhere else in town to go for gay-friendly socializing, after all. So even if I went by myself, I was sure to see some familiar faces; someone to sit next to and chat for a few minutes, or at least wave and smile at while swaying on the dance floor. I didn't feel the paralyzing awkwardness I usually experienced at regular bars. I danced alone, at ease, soaking up the atmosphere. I didn't care if people thought I went there to pick someone up. I obviously didn't - the very concept of picking up strangers at a bar has always been utterly alien to me, much like flirting with someone before I actually get to know them pretty well as a person - but it never bothered me that others did, because I didn't feel like I had to conform to some established standard of behavior. Not there, anyway. I could just be myself, among others who were also being themselves, without fear of judgement. And that felt very new and refreshing at the time - and for a long time after...
As far as I know, Hades doesn't exist anymore. There are other gay-friendly bars, discos and cafes in the city now, of course. Most of them much more pleasant and inviting, I'm sure. But that filthy, smoke-filled dungeon holds a very special place in my memories. Because it provided my first glimpse into a world where it might be OK to be different. And back then, it did mean the world to me.
And with this tiny bit of nostalgic reflection, I bid you good night.
Anyway... I have generally failed at LJ interaction as a result, but I will try to catch up a bit during the week. Now I just really wanted to post something before I go to bed, because, well... just because.:P Also, I have an idea for the next installment of the 30-day meme.
"A first" could be anything. So let me pick something I may not have mentioned here otherwise - the first time I went to a gay bar.:D Now, keep in mind this was nearly 20 years ago, in Poland - which is a context that gives the whole experience a very unique flavor, LOL. First of all, it was supposedly the ONLY gay-friendly establishment in the entire city of Krakow at the time (a city with a population of 700,000 or thereabouts). At least, the only one we had heard about. Me & my then-girlfriend, that is. I can't even remember HOW we heard about it - certainly not through ads in the local paper, LOL. It was very much a dirty secret, largely unknown to the general heterosexual population. It was located in a dingy basement below some shady massage parlour type-a-thing, and very adequately named Hades (you know, The Underworld). It took us quite a while to find it, actually, since we didn't know the exact address, and the neon sign was very small and unobtrusive (clearly meant to only draw people who knew about it and were looking for it). Finally, we entered the dark hallway an descended the long staircase into the bowels of Hell.:P The interior was filled with dim, reddish light, a thick cloud of cigarette smoke and the insistent throb of bad disco. As well as a veritable throng of men. I think we were the only females in the entire establishment that night. Which felt... strange. What was good about it, though, was that none of those men paid us the slightest bit of attention. They were way too busy checking out and/or groping other men... LOL. I remember the intense feeling of relief coupled with this realization. I had always felt acutely uncomfortable in bars and nightclubs when my girlfriend dragged me there; she didn't mind flirting with guys who noticed us and "acting straight" just for the heck of it, but to me, the very concept of flirting for the sake of flirting seemed entirely pointless somehow, and the very thought of some random guy hitting on me made me want to crawl under the floorboards. So being in a place filled with men who looked right through me as if I wasn't there bordered on perfection.;) Also, I could slow-dance with my girlfriend, or even sit in her lap and kiss her, and no-one cared about that either. No open-mouthed, gaping, disapproving stares we had become accustomed to at other occasions. In other words: paradise. And quite possibly the first time I actually enjoyed myself in a noisy, crowded place - because I felt safe there. Because, in some weird and disturbing way, I felt at home. Never mind the bad music and the thick, choking waves of cigarette smoke. The Underworld had become my refuge. I visited it regularly over the next few years. First with the abovementioned girlfriend, then with other gay friends, then with my next girlfriend and more friends... and sometimes even by myself. See, after a few weeks you pretty much knew most of the people who frequented the place - there was nowhere else in town to go for gay-friendly socializing, after all. So even if I went by myself, I was sure to see some familiar faces; someone to sit next to and chat for a few minutes, or at least wave and smile at while swaying on the dance floor. I didn't feel the paralyzing awkwardness I usually experienced at regular bars. I danced alone, at ease, soaking up the atmosphere. I didn't care if people thought I went there to pick someone up. I obviously didn't - the very concept of picking up strangers at a bar has always been utterly alien to me, much like flirting with someone before I actually get to know them pretty well as a person - but it never bothered me that others did, because I didn't feel like I had to conform to some established standard of behavior. Not there, anyway. I could just be myself, among others who were also being themselves, without fear of judgement. And that felt very new and refreshing at the time - and for a long time after...
As far as I know, Hades doesn't exist anymore. There are other gay-friendly bars, discos and cafes in the city now, of course. Most of them much more pleasant and inviting, I'm sure. But that filthy, smoke-filled dungeon holds a very special place in my memories. Because it provided my first glimpse into a world where it might be OK to be different. And back then, it did mean the world to me.
And with this tiny bit of nostalgic reflection, I bid you good night.
