Hun, you sound like you're at the same stage my mother and I were at ten to fifteen years ago. Our circumstances are/were strikingly the same (for what it's worth, I'm still renting! *grin*). It can get better, I promise - but it took some honesty, and some willingness to change on both our parts. I didn't think my mother had it in her to ease up - she really didn't know what she was doing with the guilt - but eventually she did. I underestimated her. And by the way, you do love her - trust me, you do. Feeling guilty about potentially hurting her feelings is your way of feeling it just now.
Worst thing you can do is close yourself off - at least that's my experience, based on years of doing the worst thing. Talk to her honestly about what you're feeling. It'll be risky, it'll hurt, there'll be tears and maybe even shouting. Talk to her again. Talk as many times as you need to until she hears. And tell her you love her, even if you can't feel it that way just now, because that's what she desperately needs to hear, if she's anything like my mother was - and it really sounds like she is. Anyway, my two cents, for what it's worth.
I wish you all the best. Family patterns are strong, but they can be broken, I promise.
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Date: 2009-08-29 12:52 pm (UTC)Worst thing you can do is close yourself off - at least that's my experience, based on years of doing the worst thing. Talk to her honestly about what you're feeling. It'll be risky, it'll hurt, there'll be tears and maybe even shouting. Talk to her again. Talk as many times as you need to until she hears. And tell her you love her, even if you can't feel it that way just now, because that's what she desperately needs to hear, if she's anything like my mother was - and it really sounds like she is. Anyway, my two cents, for what it's worth.
I wish you all the best. Family patterns are strong, but they can be broken, I promise.