the unexpected return of the muse :)

[floatingleaf]

I believe I mentioned a new ficlet. Well, here it is. I wrote it in about two hours, which seriously amounts to warp speed for me. I can't remember the last time writing was so easy. It just FLOWED. I really hope that's not just a one-time anomaly.:P


Title: Dear Estel
Pairing: A/L
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Legolas makes a decision.
Warnings: None. Kinda sappy, if that's a problem.;)
Disclaimer: I still don't own these characters. They definitely own ME, though. *happy sigh* ;P
Author's Notes: Dedicated to illuins_lair. Could be considered an early birthday present, I suppose.:)




He's giving me those looks again. Lingering, wistful. Admiring. An implicit caress from under lowered lashes, dissolving into embarrassment and denial whenever I look his way. Or, less frequently, a sudden burst of fire from within his darkened eyes, extinguished quickly as he turns his head to the side, blushing and unconsciously lifting an arm to rub his fingers against the back of his neck. Poor, dear Estel... we have been friends for so long - how can he think I am not familiar with all his little gestures and mannerisms by now? How can he assume I do not know what they mean? Yet, he does not seem to realize that to me, he is like an open book. Which I am reading with increasing fascination, I might add. I see desire there - which, I am told, is strong and quick to kindle among the race of Men, and does not require any deeper feelings on their part before it can consume them - but I also see much more than that. I see great tenderness which sends liquid warmth coursing through my veins. I see devotion - the kind one might expect from the most steadfast friend or a brother, but also the kind implicit between soulmates. I see his heart right there, offered to me on the palm of his hand - even though he keeps bravely trying to contain all those emotions behind his typical calm and collected demeanor. He seems to think their intensity would somehow offend me. Or he fears rejection, perhaps. He has no idea how incredibly difficult it would be to say no to him - even were I not interested. I am at an unfair advantage, I admit - we Elves find it much easier to control our feelings and keep them well hidden, should we choose to. It takes centuries of practice, which Men do not have at their disposal. But, on the other hand, with time it can also become increasingly difficult to show intense emotions, even if we want to. Which is precisely why I haven't acknowledged or responded to Estel's silent courtship so far. It's been decades since I felt such a strong attraction to anyone - and never before have I felt it for a mortal. I am not sure I can cope with the fact that he will not be here forever... It hurts enough to lose a dear friend - but to lose a soulmate... My heart clenches in terror at the very thought. Should I accept his pledge and all the future pain that will come with it, or should I keep pretending I am oblivious and hope, for his sake, that he might experience a change of heart?... No! It is too late already, for I find I cannot bear the thought of him being bound to another. When did this happen?... Where is this fabled control I have been boasting of?... He conquered me already, without so much as a word of admission, and I still waver?... How selfish, how unworthy of him that makes me. He seems willing to give all he has for the brief span of his mortal existence - and here I am, withholding my consent, even though each day brings us closer to the final parting. What on Middle Earth am I waiting for?... Isn't he worth an eternity of heartbreak and an ocean of tears?... Would I rather cry tears of regret for what was NOT after he is gone?...

Enough is enough. We are heading towards my father's halls - no more than two days' journey by now. Once we get there, I shall give him rooms next to mine, and I shall serve him the strongest wine from our cellars - the one that has enough fire to burn through all his inhibitions. And then I shall come into his bedchamber at night, wearing nothing but the finest silken robe, open in the middle. And if he still hesitates, I shall climb right under the covers and pull him into my arms. I shall let him feel my desire and see the love in my eyes - so that he cannot look away. I am sure that words will not be necessary - but if he wants to hear it nonetheless, I shall tell him. You are the one, Estel, now or ever. I choose you with full awareness of the consequences. It is no more than you deserve. Let us have this moment - this life - so that I may treasure it forever in my heart. Show me the burning human passion and let me reward it with centuries of experience in the arts of love. I've never been so eager to practice those particular skills, my dearest friend. But most of all, I want to feel your young, untamed desire consume every fiber of my being. How we shall burn brightly in the night - the very moon and stars shall fade in comparison. How your sword-calloused hands shall brand my skin...

"Legolas?..."

I blink dazedly, breaking out of my fantasy at the sound of his voice. "Yes, Estel?..."

"You seem very distracted. Is something troubling you, mellon?"

"Oh, no. It's nothing." By Elbereth - am I the one blushing now?... Can he see it?... "We should be breaking camp soon, don't you think? If we travel fast, we might make the borders of my father's realm by sunset."

"Then we should aim to do so. You must be very eager to see your family again."

I blush harder this time - if that is even possible for an Elf. "Of course I am", I proclaim matter-of-factly. "I am also very eager to have you taste my father's excellent wines", I add, unable to contain the little smirk that seems determined to conquer my face.

"They must be excellent indeed, judging by your expression", he says, sounding quite intrigued.

"Oh yes, my dear friend, I can assure you of that. They certainly are." Suddenly feeling reckless, I grin at him broadly, and even allow myself a wink.

He grins back, slightly incredulous but intensely happy, and the joy radiating from his rugged face warms me more than the bright morning sun. "Let us go then. Lead the way, and I shall follow."

Yes, Estel. I know you like to walk slightly behind me, watching my backside while I am watching our surroundings for any sign of danger. It is more flattering than you think, if slightly irresponsible. Of course you are utterly unaware that I have noticed this transgression - or that it is already forgiven. I can't wait to see why you find my backside so fascinating, by the way. You shall be given free rein to explore it to your heart's content - as soon as we're safe within my father's fortress. It wouldn't do to give in to my curiosity here in the wild - someone has to be able to retain full command of their senses, after all. If for the next two days only. So it is just as well that I am walking ahead and studiously ignoring the way you look at me. Even if I can feel your eyes on me right through every layer of clothing. But patience is a virtue, and it shall have its reward. Soon.

Comments

[illuins-lair.livejournal.com]

*breathes*
*breathes some more*
*stutters & gulps*
*clears throat*

You! has mad skillz and if I could sue you with TM!kisses I would give Smooching a whole new significance and probably even a new name and a special day in the calender and ..where was I...*pants*

Omg. OMG!! PRESSIE!!!!!!!!! *wraps self up in fic and combusts from pure surprise-sparkles*
*gets teary-eyed and emotional*
*claws at computerscreen for lack of Matrix!equipment to proceed with beaming away self over pond to give my deepest thanks and sue you properly*

Scuse me but now I have to go re-read this under strictly regulated breathing and only muffled (slightly gaspy) outbusts of insane!squeeage unless I wanna continue waking up the whole house (which on the other hand I think I totally should - pointing at this, going LOOK!! READ! SQUEE WITH ME ALTOGETHER NOW!!! *FAMILY!THUDDING*)

However.. *cough* hopefully peeping in later with a more coherent feedback wherein I actually say anything coherent ..and for obvious reasons I´m kind of out_of!focus from anything near an objective pov on feedbackrelated things right now and thus have all the moarr reasons to continue when I´ll manage to try reading this and not squee about it every few seconds. =DDDD

*g*

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

WOW. This must be the most enthusiastic piece of feedback I have ever received.:D <3333333

I would give Smooching a whole new significance and probably even a new name and a special day in the calender

I'm sure you would. *takes a deep breath and readies herself for a looooong smooching!session* :P

Just... please don't tell me you made your family read this. *hides under the desk* ;)

And more *HEARTS*... just because.:) <33333333333333333

[illuins-lair.livejournal.com]

please don't tell me you made your family read this.

ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, like they could ever understand the appeal...

*giggle!outburst*

[stormatdusk.livejournal.com]

An implicit caress from under lowered lashes

silent courtship

How we shall burn brightly in the night

or that it is already forgiven

look how pretty it is! that they will one day be separated by aragorn's passing is such a heartache to me, and you've skillfully both addressed it and soothed me about it here. well done, hon!!

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I usually tend to avoid the 'issue' of Aragorn's mortality, but every once in a while it demands to be addressed - and then I try to soothe the heartache of it as best I can. I'm glad it worked here.

Deep down, though, I have this recurring fantasy of the Valar being moved by their star-crossed love and somehow sending Aragorn to the Undying Lands so that they can stay together. Someone even wrote this, I think - or maybe several people wrote this by now, LOL. I can't recall any details - I'm just sure I'm not the only one who ever thought of that.:D

[stormatdusk.livejournal.com]

recurring fantasy

oh hell yes, me too! *fingers in ears* lalalalalala...

[illuins-lair.livejournal.com]

What Stormie says.
And
I find it totally adorable how they both seem to struggle with upholding the "masks" against what is so clearly there.
I love the details of how Aragorn´s presumed not-so-subtle subtleness instead tells more than he knows and doesn´t pass unnoticed..in fact it´s more like an elephant in a crystal shop =P unconsciously lifting an arm to rub his fingers against the back of his neck.
*is dead*

Am particulary inlurve with:
¤This dance of attraction between them - attempted to be disguised and yet is betraying in its naive attempt of selfpreservation against forces stronger than control...
¤How Legolas mostly knows this, studying with amused observation all the attempts to convey what is so clearly there. <33333
¤The layers, what he can see in Aragorns character, why he holds back; I see his heart right there, offered to me on the palm of his hand - even though he keeps bravely trying to contain all those emotions behind his typical calm and collected demeanor. He seems to think their intensity would somehow offend me.
¤Legolas view and the glimpse into how different they both handle the feelings.
¤I admire Legolas struggle within both for its protectiveness and for the bravery of letting it go. Because it´s all right there and could continue being suppressed but his decicion to make a move is not one of resignment but of alignment with an inner Desire - which I personally consider the great task of life.
AndOMG! Would I rather cry tears of regret for what was NOT after he is gone? - *squeeage* Cuz there´s only the known and the unknown; what might be or what might have been..
I choose you with full awareness of the consequences. - This is SO DAMN BEAUTIFUL *GAAAAASP*
The fact that death would separate them is what makes it even more worth it. The beautiful contrast of life and the fleeting force of Time entangled with Love and the risktaking it brings forth, is one of those concepts I may have an absolute!kink on.


Perhaps it´s just me but imo your Legolas is.. different here - more confidently powerful and somehow protective while Aragorn shows hints of containing an intensity that seems to intimidate himself more than the elf.


Yeah, and you´re being a total!teaser!OMG! ´cause.. uh.. this will continue with wine!seducement and bedchamber!sexx and *mops self up from floor*
..right?? RIGHT? *wibbles*

Yeah. And so..I dreamt about you last night =D We were hanging out with Stormie. I usually remember my dreams goddamnit but I´m at a complete lack of explicit details. lol

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

like an elephant in a crystal shop

LOL!!! Yes, that's exactly what I was trying to convey.:P

unconsciously lifting an arm to rub his fingers against the back of his neck.
*is dead*

I couldn't resist that one. It's such a Viggo gesture - I'm not sure he actually did that as Aragorn, but I like to imagine that he did.;)

The fact that death would separate them is what makes it even more worth it. The beautiful contrast of life and the fleeting force of Time entangled with Love and the risktaking it brings forth, is one of those concepts I may have an absolute!kink on.

I know. I might have been ispired by one of our earlier conversations on the risk!factors and lack of guarantees in life, especially when it comes to romantic relationships... I thought that especially for an elf the fleeting nature of human love would be very unsettling - and he would have to somehow convince himself it was worth a try nonetheless.:)

this will continue with wine!seducement and bedchamber!sexx and *mops self up from floor*
..right?? RIGHT? *wibbles*

Well... that pretty much sums up my previous fic, Destiny. There was wine!seducement and bedchamber!sexx in there, right? :P

I dreamt about you last night =D We were hanging out with Stormie.

That's cool. Stormie is such a trooper.:) What did she look like in the dream, btw? I've never met her in person and she never posts pics of herself, so I have no idea. The funny thing is, I once dreamt of another LJ-friend whom I'd never seen, and soon after that she posted a pic in her journal - and guess what? She looked almost exactly like in my dream! I kid you not. I am psychic... lol (never dreamt of Stormie, though).

I´m at a complete lack of explicit details

Well... that's VERY disappointing.:P

[illuins-lair.livejournal.com]

I might have been ispired by one of our earlier conversations on the risk!factors and lack of guarantees in life, especially when it comes to romantic relationships... I thought that especially for an elf the fleeting nature of human love would be very unsettling - and he would have to somehow convince himself it was worth a try nonetheless.
*clasps hands and clutches heart*
Why are you so fabulous???

wine!seducement and bedchamber!sexx pretty much sums up my previous fic, Destiny
*bites lip* Fuck yeah... um..though not etirely the same thing.. that was in Rivendell... LOL

I love TM!gestures... *thud*
Which ones are yours? Well, those you know of and stuff. *g*
Ok, now I think I refer to 2 things actually; 1) which are your favourite TM!gestures and 2) Do you know of any of your own?

I have no idea how Stormie looks - I just knew it was her =D
I don´t remember how you looked in the dream either, but it was you anyway.
Yeah and a totally annoying lack of explicitness =/ lol
We can sue them. The Dream-makers.

I once dreamt of another LJ-friend whom I'd never seen, and soon after that she posted a pic in her journal - and guess what? She looked almost exactly like in my dream!
That´s so_awesome!! You must have hidden talents, it´s interesting like the rest of you and it "fits you" to be psychic, in my eyes. Based on my totally biased opinion and o the massive fact that I´ve never met u in person, of course. *SNERK*
Perception can be such a strong thing - I firmly believe that we can learn to know so much more than we´ll ever imagine at a fist look, in terms of what lies beyond the exploration of the other senses etc. our capacity is probably huuuge.

Yeah, like for example This is another deep!discussion I would so much rather indulge in cuddled up on a couch somwhere with a bottle of wine, shutting out the outer world and open up the inner one.
Probably resulting in that I would sometime around midnight be slurry enough to have invited the entire neighborhood to dance!seduce everyone and their mother on a table like there´s no tomorrow. And there isn´t. It never is. Midnighthours are for crazydeep transcendence.
It´s all about contrast in the end. And then begins the beginnings.

Ok, I´m totally overtired if you´re wondering. 24h awakeness does trixy things to the mind.
And 7.30 I´ve got to meet with my doctor; prescribing me some moarr pills to get through with the day, or the night, whichever.
Honestly, which fucking hour is that for a meeting I ask?? Wtf. People have no rezpect for night-owls...

*headdesk*

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

Why are you so fabulous???

I don't know, really... *bats eyelashes like mad* ;D

not etirely the same thing.. that was in Rivendell... LOL

:D That's true. I've had them sex each other up in Rivendell, Lothlorien, Edoras... as well as a few other random, unspecified locations - but never in Mirkwood. Hmmm... *considers possibilities* :P

Ok, now I think I refer to 2 things actually; 1) which are your favourite TM!gestures and 2) Do you know of any of your own?

Oh dear, that's a tough one. Other than Viggo's TM!gestures, I can't really think of any at the moment. As for my own... well, a coworker recently told me that I seem to be touching my face a lot. Like, propping my chin up on my hand, pressing my knuckles against my mouth, tapping a finger on my nose/cheekbone etc. I wasn't really aware that I was doing all that - let alone often enough for other people to notice... lol.

I don´t remember how you looked in the dream either, but it was you anyway.

Oh, I know. People often change their appearance in dreams - and sometimes two or more people blend together into one. It's so weird/amazing what our subconscious can do...

You must have hidden talents, it´s interesting like the rest of you and it "fits you" to be psychic, in my eyes.

Heh. I'm a Pisces, you know. Most Pisces are psychic - and those that aren't like to imagine that they are.;) So it could be just wishful thinking on my part.:P

Perception can be such a strong thing - I firmly believe that we can learn to know so much more than we´ll ever imagine at a fist look, in terms of what lies beyond the exploration of the other senses etc. our capacity is probably huuuge.

I agree. The thing is, we might never know how much of our perception is colored by our own desires...;P

This is another deep!discussion I would so much rather indulge in cuddled up on a couch somwhere with a bottle of wine, shutting out the outer world and open up the inner one.

YES!!! :D

Probably resulting in that I would sometime around midnight be slurry enough to have invited the entire neighborhood to dance!seduce everyone and their mother on a table like there´s no tomorrow.

LOL! Somehow I can't decide if I find that fascinating or disturbing.;) Maybe both.:D

24h awakeness does trixy things to the mind.

Oh dear, I know... insomnia sucks big time, and no matter how happy I always am to see a comment from you, I sometimes cringe in sympathy when I figure out the time you wrote it. Like, OMG does that woman ever sleep???

which fucking hour is that for a meeting I ask??

A totally WRONG hour, that's what it is. *nods vigorously* ;)

Did you survive it, btw?...

[vamp-ress.livejournal.com]

Oh, this has been lingering in my bookmarks for far too long! I totally forgot reading it *stupid me*. And yet it's so wonderful! Legolas' inner monologue is truly beautiful, but I can't help imagining Aragorn's reaction to all Legolas' plans to do. I guess the poor ranger will be totally flabbergasted. Before he comes to he senses and joins in the fun, of course:)

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

Hi! I'm so glad you like it - better late than never, they say.;)

I can't help imagining Aragorn's reaction to all Legolas' plans to do. I guess the poor ranger will be totally flabbergasted.

Yeah... I suppose so.;) All that famous Elvish restraint, finally relinquished... We can only hope that poor Estel has enough strength to keep up.:P