wherein I'm being repetitive like an old vinyl record

[floatingleaf]

Update on the sunburn: I think I'll live. My shoulders still look ugly, and the red patch of skin at the bottom of my neck feels extremely dry, like old parchment... but the pain is gone. Now there's only itching and white flakes of dead skin coming off all over my arms/shoulders/neck etc., even in places that don't seem burned at all. I wonder how long it will take before I look all pasty-white again (me?... tanned???... that ain't happened yet - or if it did, it was too long ago to remember... LOL).

Update on the summer: still hot. Sunny and breezy and generally glorious most of the time, but HOT. A third-floor apartment without central air-conditioning is a very toasty place to be.:/ I can live with that - but cooking is simply out of the question. So I've been making lots of salads. I have some interesting recipes I've never tried before - but if you know of any cool (literally) meal ideas that don't involve using the stove or oven (steaming veggies in the microwave is doable, since it doesn't increase the air temperature in the kitchen in a noticeable way), please share. I'll be in your debt.

Update on the gay: I watched Brokeback Mountain again last night. For the third or fourth time - not sure which. I have such a soft spot in my heart for this movie, it's kind of ridiculous, actually. Anyway... I always cry at the same exact moment: when Ennis brings down the old shirts from Jack's room, and Jack's mother has a paper bag ready to pack them up, and they just look into each other's eyes for a long while. That look destroys me every time. Ennis is such a tragic character - more so than Jack, I think, even though it's Jack who dies a tragic death - and I totally identify with him on some deep, primal level. He totally resonates with my own feeling of "not fitting in"; of being shy and introverted and lost and helpless against fate, against emotions, against other people's warped perceptions of what's acceptable etc. Jack is a very likeable person, right there on the surface, and he has the guts to fight for what he wants; so I can't really identify with him. I can, however, totally identify with falling for someone like him and feeling undeserving/inadequate as a result. With not being able to deal with happiness, as it were. So it all hits really close to home for me. Plus, it's such a raw, beautiful love story. So touchingly imperfect. So un-Hollywood, so understated, so real. And the acting is amazing. Heath Ledger breaks my heart into a thousand little pieces, and this is the role I will always remember him for. That kiss on the staircase, where he just grabs Jake and slams him against the wall... it's on my top-ten list of movie kisses of all time, I think (Jake is also amazing in that one - even if I suspect it might have been somewhat less of a stretch for him to convincingly portray homosexual passion...;). And that scene where he comes into the tent, holding his hat in front of himself in a very obviously concealing/revealing way, and is so eager and so reluctant all at the same time... oh God. Another classic. Or that breakdown moment after Jake says I wish I knew how to quit you...

Gotta stop now. It's somehow gotten really late and I'm falling on my face.:(

Comments

[illuins-lair.livejournal.com]

Um.. *wipes brow with sparkly towel*
These days are all about artfully invented cold/chilly/icy meals, even here in Teh North. Guh - it´s been some days of +30C and I am mostly walking around in the garden with wet towels around my head to not die from sunstroke. I do love Swedish summers, but when the air is fucking vibrating it´s not my cup of tea (not being one of those sun-worshippers and generally refusing to expose teh pasty-white fleshiness, because WHY has it to be that us Pale Transparent People are totally discriminated against?) *ogles sister´s tan & wonders how we can be of the same family*
But back to the eating-issue;
What about some Gazpacho? Just whatever you have at home concerning fresh vegetables..
Or melon, Parma ham & mozzarella (virgin olive oil, sea salt, fresh basil)?
Greek salad with tzatziki & bread?
Filled peaches/tomatoes (tuna fish, hardboiled eggs, red onion, mayonnaise, sourcream.. or… cottage cheese, apple, yellow cheese, red onion…. Or… Feta cheese, black olives, tomatoes, garlic)
*runs out of creative ideas, due to current ev0l!sunstroke*
*adds another wet towel*
*drops melting icecube in cleavage*

Oh my.. Brokeback. Yesss, the tent! *dies* And the starircase!snog..*gulps*
Why wasn´t there MOAR EXPLICIT SCENES, btw?
So touchingly imperfect. So un-Hollywood, so understated, so real. *WHIMPERS*

First time I saw this movie, was in a theatre in Israel. I remember having some frustrated moments trying to interpret Ennis´ muffled grumblings - with a Hebrew subtitle. *headdesk*
Of course, this was one of those movies I knew I was going to love even before it started, as I am a lover of controversial!movies (while it wasn´t all that controversial in my_eyes, but just for the cause of it y´know.. *bounces*)
Disturbingly, before half-time of the movie - most people had left the theatre in protest (yeah, and why the hell are they even GOING to watch a gay themed movie in the first place, huh???)
It startled my bf at the time, he got really upset, as he himself was very touched by it and cried along with me at the end. (2 red-faced people leaving the theatre at least damnit)

Isn´t it amazing how a certain moment in a movie automatically triggers the tears? I completely agree with you on the cry!moments you mentioned. *snifflez at Ennis!shirt and the whole impossibility of their love-story to end happily*

He totally resonates with my own feeling of "not fitting in"; of being shy and introverted and lost and helpless against fate, against emotions, against other people's warped perceptions of what's acceptable
That´s really interesting, I find it fascinating when one can identify oneself with the deeper levels of a movie-character. Ennis was always the one frustrating me with his interacting issues and held-back character- probably because he contains so many restrained feelings that I basically just wanna rip all those layers apart and present Reality for him to face, awaking the sleeping!rebel inside and just let.him.flow.upwards.and.submerge. Gah!

The non-fitting-in!issue is basically the matter of my life too, although written on a sparkly wall with a rebellious pen. =S
Omg, I totally love your reviews.. they speak directly to my heart in a very sincere way as you have the way with words that I don´t (though wishing I had), for things like this. Yep, much speaking my mind and all; you´re putting words to much of my own thoughts. Damn fascinating, really.

Good to hear that you´re recovering from the lobster!state. I felt really sorry, because being one who generally fears the sun - I do know it´s horrible to miscalculate its damaging power. Sensitive elves and all that. *nods*

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

it´s been some days of +30C

Here, it's been +30C every day for the past week, I think. And the humidity is very high, too. I don't mind the heat so much just by itself - but the constant stickiness in the air makes you feel filthy even right after you step out of the shower.:/

WHY has it to be that us Pale Transparent People are totally discriminated against?

WORD. Everybody's making fun of our sensitive alabaster skin.;)

Filled peaches/tomatoes (tuna fish, hardboiled eggs, red onion, mayonnaise, sourcream.. or… cottage cheese, apple, yellow cheese, red onion…. Or… Feta cheese, black olives, tomatoes, garlic)

Mmmmm... sounds interesting. I have this really good tuna salad with hardboiled eggs, green beans, red potatoes and olives... but yeah, you have to boil the eggs. And the potatoes. LOL. And believe it or not, but it's 35C in my kitchen without anything cooking on the stove right now.:/

Sometimes I make Greek salad with shrimp. One of my favorites.:) Plenty of garlic & oregano. *slurps*

Why wasn´t there MOAR EXPLICIT SCENES, btw?

Haha. Why indeed. Let's start a petition for a director's cut! :P

I remember having some frustrated moments trying to interpret Ennis´ muffled grumblings - with a Hebrew subtitle

LOL! Believe me, I didn't catch half of Ennis' dialogue the first time around (not that he had much dialogue in the first place...;). The second time, I watched the DVD with subtitles on (English for "hearing impaired"...:D). But I am used to that, because I watch mostly foreign films - in fact, I tend to feel weird if there are no subtitles (even if the movie is in English). And I don't like to miss anything that's being said - I find that very frustrating, because sometimes missing even a few words takes away from the impact of the entire movie experience...

I am a lover of controversial!movies

Welcome to the club, darling.:D

Disturbingly, before half-time of the movie - most people had left the theatre in protest (yeah, and why the hell are they even GOING to watch a gay themed movie in the first place, huh???)

Yeah. Even here, I remember seeing someone leave during that first sex scene. Which, admittedly, wasn't very romantic - but there was nothing particularly explicit about it, eiher. And it was pretty important for the purposes of plot and characterization - unlike most het sex scenes in other American movies.:P

Ennis was always the one frustrating me with his interacting issues and held-back character- probably because he contains so many restrained feelings that I basically just wanna rip all those layers apart and present Reality for him to face, awaking the sleeping!rebel inside

Yeah. Exactly. But I know I am a lot like that too, in certain ways - and sometimes I want to shake myself free of those restraints, but I don't know how to do it any better than he did. So mostly I just want to slap him - and then hug him - and then cry with him, too.

you have the way with words that I don´t

Are you kidding???... It was YOUR way with words that made me stalk you and fangirl you in the first place.;P

[illuins-lair.livejournal.com]

Gah.. stickiness and humidity.. I totally suffer along with you.. =/ I wonder where the perfect weather conditions can be found in the world? I would vote for 20-25 degrees all year around. Goddamn. Instead I´m finding myself in a country where 3/4 of the year is disgustingly cold and dark and the rest of it is either unbearably hot or gloomingly rainy.

Everybody's making fun of our sensitive alabaster skin.
Indeed. Why does everyone seem to think that "getting tanned" is the ultimate point of life, anyway? The pale elves know nothing of this tradition, they live in the twilight and is quite content with the alabastery!issue..

Let's start a petition for a director's cut!
Oh, you mean all that behind-the-scenes-sexxing? I wantzz it. No one can make a movie like that and not discover their own restrained attraction within it. =P

I don't like to miss anything that's being said - I find that very frustrating, because sometimes missing even a few words takes away from the impact of the entire movie experience
Absolutely! Even though I usually don´t look much at the subtitle, it´s a comfort having it there as a backup and I do tend to get a bit stressed when there´s no subtitle available, because it means I have to stay 100% focused on what is being said and not disappear too much into a storyline or whatever. Of course, when watching foregin films the whole subtitle-thing is essential, but then I usually have to watch the movie allover again to somehow be able to absorb it in other ways.

there was nothing particularly explicit about it, eiher. And it was pretty important for the purposes of plot and characterization - unlike most het sex scenes in other American movies
oh my god yesss.. it´s funny how most things gay are provocative just by its existance -oh and omg!gaySEXXX! being able to be *that* taboo when in so many movies the standard seems to be "show as much as you can" often bordering to what could be considered "pornography".
I don´t know.. it was groundbreaking (as it turned out), but still I would have wished for those people who left the cinemas to actually having stayed and faced their "fears" or whatever the fuck they were on about. It´s such a humiliation. Controvercy is nothing but (hopefully) a thoughtprovoking subject in the end. If some people are so firm in their beliefs, why would they fear the subject itself and not engage in a dialogue instead?
Guh. I get totally upset.

I know I am a lot like that too, in certain ways - and sometimes I want to shake myself free of those restraints, but I don't know how to do it any better than he did. So mostly I just want to slap him - and then hug him - and then cry with him, too.
Which restraints do you recognize as restraints?
Hmm.. that would make me slightly into a Jack-person?

It was YOUR way with words that made me stalk you and fangirl you in the first place
Bwhahahahah... uh.. wuttt? I remember it being me stalking you and stuff.. =DDD
*hides & zparkles*

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

I´m finding myself in a country where 3/4 of the year is disgustingly cold and dark and the rest of it is either unbearably hot or gloomingly rainy

Not sure if that makes you feel better, but it's exactly the same here... LOL.

Yes! The Elves know all about the delicate balance of light and shade.;)

No one can make a movie like that and not discover their own restrained attraction within it. =P

I don't know about Heath - and, unfortunately, in his case we will never find out - but I'm pretty sure Jakey is as queer as a three-dollar bill.;P

If some people are so firm in their beliefs, why would they fear the subject itself and not engage in a dialogue instead?

Because it's easier for them to apply some ready-made definitions of good and evil to everything without engaging their lazy braincells.:/

Which restraints do you recognize as restraints?

Gahhh... another one of those questions I could probably write a philosophical treatise on if I let myself delve into it, LOL. One good example is being constantly, painfully aware of how other people might perceive me - even though I realize that I can't possibly know it, and my guesses about it can be totally wrong. But sometimes I feel like I can never totally relax until I am by myself - which possibly explains my hermit tendencies.;)

Hmm.. that would make me slightly into a Jack-person?

Hmmm... I suppose it would.;)

I remember it being me stalking you and stuff.. =DDD

Well... don't forget that the whole thing started with some krayzy drunken LOTR-fic you wrote, which made me go all, Wow... what a loony!... Yet, strangely irresistible... ;P

So yeah... totally a Jack-person.:D