slight panic attack

[floatingleaf]

I am SO pathetic. After the doctor told me I need to lose weight, I decided to start exercising again (which I hadn't done since sometime in December). So I begin today, and after about ten minutes of mild bending & twisting I am DEAD. Just utterly, completely DEAD. Like I carried fifty pounds up a mountain, you know? That scares me, man. It's like I have no muscles at all. Just one big limp noodle.:/ And I used to do those same exercises pretty easily last year. Have I let myself go to the point of self-destruction?... How long will it take until I can do a simple 20-minute workout without my tongue hanging down to my knees?... And even if I manage that, will it be enough to STOP GAINING weight, let alone start losing?... Because the more I gain, the harder it will be to exercise. Oh God please don't let me become a 200-pound 'American nightmare' in 'plus size' baggy clothes. *shudder*

Sorry, flist. No offence meant to anyone. If I am a fat, lazy ass, then I have only myself to thank for it. And whinging about it is not going to help either. *gnashes teeth*

So, if I don't stick out this time and stop exercising AGAIN, you can all call me a pathetic, hopeless twat and punch me in the face. Because I was a slim, sexy lady about three years ago, and back then it would have taken very little effort to keep it that way. If only I had made that effort. But no. I was too lazy. So I woke up one day, about ten sizes later, very puzzled as to what actually happened. *headdesk*

God, I do hate myself sometimes.:|

Comments

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

I think that anyone who wants/needs to lose weight, should think that more important than the way they look, it´s their health.

Yes. I am beginning to realize that.

Sodas, all kinds of fast food, too many sweets etc are poison. That kind of food is a killer.

I know. I haven't touched that crap in years. I do buy frozen/prepared food sometimes though, because: 1) I never really learned to cook, 2) when I get back home from work around 7 p.m., I am usually way too hungry to even think about making something from scratch. But I love vegetables & fruit. And lately I only drink water or tea. So it could be worse, I guess.:P

I thank my mother everyday for not letting me junk food, and only giving me the healthiest food

You were very lucky to have a mother like that. *sigh*

And of course what you're saying makes perfect sense - but the funny thing is that I was very slim about 3-4 years ago, even though I ate cheap Chinese most of the time (and they fry everything in thick grease, you know). Why? Because I worked at a retail store, moving around eight hours a day and burning the calories like crazy. Now I eat better, but spend my days with my ass parked comfortably in an office chair. And I am about twice as big as I was then. So that's what makes me think maybe I should focus more on exercise...

You are so much more than your weight!

That's very true as well. Thank you for your kind comment. *hugs back*