(no subject)

Oh God. Stupid me. She's back from Mexico and leaving for Poland in 5 days. So I thought she'd spend at least 3 or 4 of those 5 days with me. But no. I've been dying of impatience since Monday morning, not knowing exactly what time she was supposed to return and might call... and she calls me TUESDAY EVENING, just to say she still has some shopping to do tomorrow, so she might be able to see me maybe Thursday... As if she couldn't go on the damned shopping trip with ME. It was frustrating enough already that she went to Mexico with someone else, while I stayed here stuck in the house with my parents, counting the days till her return...

I am really a profound idiot. One day more or less isn't going to make a big difference, is it? It's over anyway. But to think that I was "saving" this week especially for her, not making any other plans, and then just dying by the damned phone, almost praying for it to ring... not to mention having to pop sleeping pills at bedtime for the last couple nights. I am really hopeless, and I probably get just what I deserve...

I would only like to know if that's how her girlfriend is feeling... constantly craving her time and attention, and never getting enough. Constantly wondering if she isn't just cheating on her again...