(no subject)

Why am I so tired? It's not even 10 p.m. Must be the nervous tension I've been feeling since last weekend. I know I'm paranoid, but I feel as though the very air in the apartment were suffocatingly thick - even while my roommate isn't here. In fact, she's been coming home really late all week, right before she went to bed - so I mostly had the place to myself. And yet, I feel my whole body tense every time I hear someone enter the building, wondering if it's her. Why am I so pathetic? Why does just the thought of being in the same room/apartment with someone who might possibly be angry/dissatisfied/disappointed with me make my stomach hurt?... I thought you were supposed to grow out of stuff like that as you got older. Apparently, no such luck. Not for me, anyway. *sigh*

The funny thing is, thanks to that I am actually much less squeamish about staying overnight at my parents' house after Christmas Eve than I've been for the last few years. I even considered surprising them by coming earlier than usual... but, sadly, they don't have DSL.:P And two days without constant email/LJ access is about as much as I can handle. Pathetic, again. I know. But I really don't want to fall more behind on flist fiction reading than absolutely necessary...

I am falling on my face, truly. WTF? Why go to bed now if I don't have to get up early tomorrow? And yet, why hang around with drooping eyelids and a growing headache? Dang it. Gotta hit the pillows. *shakes head in disbelief*

Pathetic.