I'm never as unique as I think I am, it seems ;)

[floatingleaf]

I've been reading about asexuality again. I've found this site: http://www.asexuality.org. Tons of useful information there, to say the least. I've barely started dipping into it, and I am a little overwhelmed at the moment.;) There are actual DATING SITES for asexual people, btw. Of course, my first thought was, "why on earth would you be interested in dating if you don't want to have sex?" - but then I thought again, and asked myself why I no longer check any of the dating sites I used to be on a few years back. And the answer is, "because I am not comfortable with people automatically assuming that if I like them/interact with them, I will at some point inevitably want to end up in bed with them, too". Because that's supposedly the ultimate goal of visiting dating sites, non? And I suddenly realized that if that implicit expectation was gone, I would feel much more relaxed and open to social interaction, up to and including very intense/affectionate friendships with people of either gender (or no clear-cut gender at all, as it happens). And I do need such friendships in my life - I just don't want them to end because someone is ready to move them to the "next (sexual) level", and I am not. And I am tired of feeling like there's something "wrong" with me when that happens. So perhaps I have found a solution. Or, at the very least, another platform through which I can be honest about my "weirdness" without freaking anyone out. There's an LJ community for asexuals, too, in case you're wondering.:) Which is watched by over 1,500 people, btw (!). As in, Freaks of the World, Unite!... or something.;) This is all kinds of astonishing, and I feel like I'm "coming out" to myself all over again.:P Except I don't really want to label myself anymore - because "a mostly asexual lesbian who reads & writes m/m porn" sounds slightly illogical, if you think about it.;) But then, life is more than slightly illogical, most of the time. There are no neat black'n'white lines defining anyone's experience. Which is a good thing, I suppose...

Comments

[ptychu.livejournal.com]

I will never belive it was not a real sexual passion i felt from your side... and i don't want to know if it was not...

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

Have you read my previous post on this topic?... I did mention that in my whole life, I only slept with ONE person I felt REAL sexual attraction for. I thought that you, of all people, would know who I was talking about.:P

But seriously... perhaps now you can better understand why I was so desperate for intimacy while you were here. Because wanting someone so much is not a typical thing for me at all. In fact, it hardly ever happens.

With you, it did.

[ptychu.livejournal.com]

I just wanted to be sure I was not the only one that felt it...

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

Oh come on... of course you weren't. I couldn't have faked it that well if I tried...;P