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Jul. 2nd, 2011 01:55 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
floatingleafSo, it's the holiday weekend, and today was "early close" at work, which means you can take the whole day off while using only four vacation hours. Which is what I did.:) And just as well, since I got my period yesterday and would probably have to call in sick this morning anyway. I was actually kinda hoping for mother nature's scheduled inconvenience to coordinate with my day off - and for once, it almost did (I was already feeling pretty crappy at work yesterday, but the worst of it didn't come till the evening, and I was mostly able to sleep through it). So this morning/early afternoon was largely spent in bed with Jacqueline Carey (the author I'm reading at the moment - in case you had other ideas, LOL). Towards evening I was feeling a little better, so I got up and made a deliciously refreshing Mexican salad (black beans, corn, tomatoes, avocado, lime juice etc.). I had bought the ingredients the previous weekend, but there was plenty of other food in the fridge, so I didn't really need to make it until today. Tomorrow I will hopefully feel up to cleaning the place, in addition to doing the grocery shopping for next week. Sunday will most likely be laundry day, since I haven't done that in a while either. Apparently, I need a long holiday weekend just to catch up with the regular stuff that most people do on a daily basis.:/ Not to mention being behind on emails, as usual, and having about a hundred ideas for LJ-posts that would take hours to write and quite possibly make me forget about all my other plans.:P Oh, and I am finally, FINALLY getting ready to buy this new PC that's been looming on my wish list since sometime last year. I just need to organize/back up some stuff (mostly music) from the old laptop before I shut it down and put it to its well-deserved rest (I have a distinct feeling that once this machine is turned off, it will never wake up again... lol). And I'm still not 100% sure which exact model the new PC is going to be. I need to spend some more time browsing the HP website (it will be an HP, because they have a deal with my workplace and I can get a huge discount if I order through their online store). So, it looks like this "long weekend" might not be long enough, after all... *sigh*
But speaking of ideas for LJ-posts: I have started this alphabetic meme stolen from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
goddessofchaos, and I am already a few letters behind. So I decided to skip the letters/questions I wasn't too crazy about. I did "A for Adulthood". B was for Babies - and I don't really feel like writing at length about how or why I don't want any.:P C was for Cars - and anyone following this journal knows that I'm sort of fed up with the topic, for a number of reasons (I have a tag called "car trouble" - that should give you a hint of my feelings on the matter, lol). So I skipped that one too. But the next few letters are actually interesting, so I will attempt to "do" them as time allows. Starting right now.
Do you often remember your dreams?
Yes - though not as often as I'd like. I wish there was a way to record the most interesting ones, so you could "replay" them later. My dreams tend to be extremely "plotty", with complex storylines that evade easy recollection once I return to the waking world. I've often felt that if I could remember them better, I would be an excellent writer and/or filmmaker with tons of fresh ideas... lol. Sadly, those ideas never make it past the first few minutes of slowly coming awake... *sigh* What I do remember, usually, is a vague sense of depth/complexity and an overall emotional climate of the dream; sometimes a series of images, words or sounds that seem to loose all logical connection between them in the light of day. Sometimes a very strong sense of deja vu, as though I'd had the same dream before - even if I can't remember what it was. There are several recurring motifs throughout my life that I remember because of their frequency: falling down from a great height (I haven't had that one in a long time, though); getting lost in unfamiliar surroundings (also less frequent of late); walking through a vast, empty landscape or floating above it (this is usually a positive experience, accompanied by a sense of curiosity and wonder); getting ready to travel/go somewhere and being late for the bus/train/whatever other means of transportation I am supposed to take (this is a frequent real life fear/anxiety for me, so no mystery here... lol); having a misunderstanding with someone I care about (again, one of my typical insecurities and things I tend to obsess over, so no shrink is needed to tell me where that comes from :P). But those are the dreams where I am more or less myself; there are others where I am some sort of fictional character (or just a disembodied observer) - and those are usually the "plotty" ones. With ancient kingdoms, doomed secret love affairs, political intrigues, tragic sacrifices and all that sort of stuff.:P Which is probably just my brain reworking all the literary and/or cinematic fiction I have consumed since childhood and putting its own spin on it.:D
Do you dream in color or black and white?
Always in color. Often very vivid, intense color. I still remember the dream I used to have as a little girl, about a beautiful, black-haired doll in a deep green dress. How I wanted that doll!...:) I would clutch her tightly in my fist when I sensed that the dream was fading, hoping against hope that she would somehow still be with me when I woke up. Other times, I would dream of gorgeous jewellery in astounding colors and designs; stunning landscapes with sparkling blue water, verdant greenery and multi-colored architectural marvels of cities from an unknown era. I can sometimes hear music in my dreams, too. The sensation of touch can also be very intense - though at other times it is completely absent, and I just float in the air like a disembodied spirit, unseen by anyone. The one sensation that never appeared in a dream for me is smell - can you actually dream of smelling something?... Is it physiologically possible?... Just wondering, since I've never heard of anyone else dreaming of smells either.:P
Do you ever have nightmares?
Oh yes. Again, not as often as when I was younger - but pretty much any uneasy/stressful real life situation can give me nightmares, so they do happen. Dark/disturbing books and movies also sometimes give me nightmares (I had one after seeing Angel Heart; and after watching Carrie, I just stayed up reading all night, because I was literally afraid to fall asleep). But mostly they're just a manifestation of my real life fears and anxieties, which are many. I strongly suspect that the "falling down from a great height" motif is a symbolic representation of my general feeling of inadequacy and "failing" at life or being "out of my depth" in a lot of things; same goes for the "getting lost" motif - not so much a literal fear of getting lost (though it could be that, too) as a general sense of feeling "lost" in life - unanchored, out of place. The dreams of being misunderstood/accused of deliberately hurting someone I care about can also feel quite nightmarish - my fear of conflict/rejection is quite capable of blowing things up to monstrous proportions... or at least used to when I was younger. True, these are not your classic screaming nightmares of blood and gore - but they can feel just as terrifying on a purely emotional level. I have been known to wake up shaking or crying, or so tense that my entire body hurt (that usually happened when I dreamt of falling - I would wake up with a massive jolt, as though I had really fallen down on the bed from a great height... it's icredible what our brain can make us believe, is it not?...). Fortunately, this has been pretty rare in recent years - so perhaps my wide array of neuroses is sort of mellowing down with age. I certainly hope so... *sigh*
But speaking of ideas for LJ-posts: I have started this alphabetic meme stolen from
goddessofchaos, and I am already a few letters behind. So I decided to skip the letters/questions I wasn't too crazy about. I did "A for Adulthood". B was for Babies - and I don't really feel like writing at length about how or why I don't want any.:P C was for Cars - and anyone following this journal knows that I'm sort of fed up with the topic, for a number of reasons (I have a tag called "car trouble" - that should give you a hint of my feelings on the matter, lol). So I skipped that one too. But the next few letters are actually interesting, so I will attempt to "do" them as time allows. Starting right now. Do you often remember your dreams?
Yes - though not as often as I'd like. I wish there was a way to record the most interesting ones, so you could "replay" them later. My dreams tend to be extremely "plotty", with complex storylines that evade easy recollection once I return to the waking world. I've often felt that if I could remember them better, I would be an excellent writer and/or filmmaker with tons of fresh ideas... lol. Sadly, those ideas never make it past the first few minutes of slowly coming awake... *sigh* What I do remember, usually, is a vague sense of depth/complexity and an overall emotional climate of the dream; sometimes a series of images, words or sounds that seem to loose all logical connection between them in the light of day. Sometimes a very strong sense of deja vu, as though I'd had the same dream before - even if I can't remember what it was. There are several recurring motifs throughout my life that I remember because of their frequency: falling down from a great height (I haven't had that one in a long time, though); getting lost in unfamiliar surroundings (also less frequent of late); walking through a vast, empty landscape or floating above it (this is usually a positive experience, accompanied by a sense of curiosity and wonder); getting ready to travel/go somewhere and being late for the bus/train/whatever other means of transportation I am supposed to take (this is a frequent real life fear/anxiety for me, so no mystery here... lol); having a misunderstanding with someone I care about (again, one of my typical insecurities and things I tend to obsess over, so no shrink is needed to tell me where that comes from :P). But those are the dreams where I am more or less myself; there are others where I am some sort of fictional character (or just a disembodied observer) - and those are usually the "plotty" ones. With ancient kingdoms, doomed secret love affairs, political intrigues, tragic sacrifices and all that sort of stuff.:P Which is probably just my brain reworking all the literary and/or cinematic fiction I have consumed since childhood and putting its own spin on it.:D
Do you dream in color or black and white?
Always in color. Often very vivid, intense color. I still remember the dream I used to have as a little girl, about a beautiful, black-haired doll in a deep green dress. How I wanted that doll!...:) I would clutch her tightly in my fist when I sensed that the dream was fading, hoping against hope that she would somehow still be with me when I woke up. Other times, I would dream of gorgeous jewellery in astounding colors and designs; stunning landscapes with sparkling blue water, verdant greenery and multi-colored architectural marvels of cities from an unknown era. I can sometimes hear music in my dreams, too. The sensation of touch can also be very intense - though at other times it is completely absent, and I just float in the air like a disembodied spirit, unseen by anyone. The one sensation that never appeared in a dream for me is smell - can you actually dream of smelling something?... Is it physiologically possible?... Just wondering, since I've never heard of anyone else dreaming of smells either.:P
Do you ever have nightmares?
Oh yes. Again, not as often as when I was younger - but pretty much any uneasy/stressful real life situation can give me nightmares, so they do happen. Dark/disturbing books and movies also sometimes give me nightmares (I had one after seeing Angel Heart; and after watching Carrie, I just stayed up reading all night, because I was literally afraid to fall asleep). But mostly they're just a manifestation of my real life fears and anxieties, which are many. I strongly suspect that the "falling down from a great height" motif is a symbolic representation of my general feeling of inadequacy and "failing" at life or being "out of my depth" in a lot of things; same goes for the "getting lost" motif - not so much a literal fear of getting lost (though it could be that, too) as a general sense of feeling "lost" in life - unanchored, out of place. The dreams of being misunderstood/accused of deliberately hurting someone I care about can also feel quite nightmarish - my fear of conflict/rejection is quite capable of blowing things up to monstrous proportions... or at least used to when I was younger. True, these are not your classic screaming nightmares of blood and gore - but they can feel just as terrifying on a purely emotional level. I have been known to wake up shaking or crying, or so tense that my entire body hurt (that usually happened when I dreamt of falling - I would wake up with a massive jolt, as though I had really fallen down on the bed from a great height... it's icredible what our brain can make us believe, is it not?...). Fortunately, this has been pretty rare in recent years - so perhaps my wide array of neuroses is sort of mellowing down with age. I certainly hope so... *sigh*
