an extremely shameful confession

[floatingleaf]

Looks like I'm having a serious identity crisis. Sexual identity, I mean. Never mind that I already had one when I first got into reading slash. Someone explained to me then that some of the best m/m slash writers - let alone readers - were lesbians... so I figured I could still safely see myself as one.;) And so I did. But now...



I have recently joined porn_exchange, and am currently spending a large portion of my evenings downloading and watching various explicit gay sex clips. MALE gay sex - in case there were any doubts (not that I would mind some nice and tasteful lesbian porn... but I haven't seen any so far - and anyway, that's not the point of this post, somehow). It started as an experiment, out of pure curiosity - someone on my flist posted a link, so I clicked on it - but now it seems I am seriously into it, and I can't quite get over my reactions. I thought reading "romantic" porn was one thing, but actually seeing the hardcore action up close wouldn't do much for me... and hell, was I wrong. How well do I know myself, really? What's up with me? Is it because I am getting older and the hormones are going into overdrive or something? Is it because I've been single for over two years?... Is it because the so-called "lesbian" porn made obviously for heterosexual men is just plain disgusting? And the same goes for any het porn I've ever seen, btw. Why isn't gay porn disgusting then? Well, on some level it is - but still, I don't seem able to get enough. Is it a sign of personal liberation, or do I need therapy? ;D

Comments

[gairid.livejournal.com]

I don't think it's strange...for one thing, I agree about lesbian porn. It's made for het males and has little if anything to do with actual lesbians.

D. & I, if we watch or look at any porn, it's gay (male) porn, just as we both like to read slash.

So, seems normal to me!

I love your icon!

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

It's made for het males and has little if anything to do with actual lesbians.

Absolutely. Those gross silicone boobs and deadly nine-inch-nails that would make any woman bleed... LOL

And I have to say I envy you. I want a woman who would read slash and watch gay porn with me!... Where do I get one???... *cries*

I love your icon!

It was made by the amazing matan4il.:)