a film review and some loosely related thoughts

[floatingleaf]

Somehow I never mentioned the great movie I saw earlier this month - Big Girls Don't Cry (Germany, 2002, directed by Maria von Heland). A very intense drama about friendship, family and growing up. Two teenage girls, Kati and Steffi, have known each other since early childhood and are closer than sisters - until Steffi discovers that her father is cheating on her mother, and decides to "punish" all the guilty parties involved (along with some innocent ones who just happen to be in the way). It's a great character study of young, fragile hearts and minds, struggling to find their way around in the big, scary adult world. For some reason, the topic resonates with me very strongly - I have watched dozens of films centered on the "coming of age" theme... and, funnily enough, I always identify with the young protagonists, despite currently being the age of their parents.;) Could be because I've never gone through the experience of being a parent - while, on the other hand, I remember the constant angst of being a teenager all too well. Or maybe I just never quite grew up, and I am somehow subconsciously hoping that those movies will help me figure out how to do it.:P Or maybe I just want to feel better about being my current age; as in, "at least I am not going through all that teenage drama anymore". Whichever is the case, those movies usually have a strong impact on me - an this one is no exception. I was particularly impressed with Anna Maria Mühe, who played Kati - she put some serious character development into the role. It was her first movie, btw; but her face looked familiar to me, and indeed, she later played a supporting character (the female BFF) in the gay/transgender love story Romeos, which I saw at the Chicago International Film Festival last October (I did post about it at the time - all my reviews can be found under the "movies" tag).

But I digress. My point is, I always feel deeply comforted by stories where female bonding and friendship wins over various trials and tribulations - just like I am often upset by scenarios where women are mostly shown as being mean to each other and basically stepping over each other's dead bodies to "win the competition" over some stupid guy. I know this is a popular stereotype, perpetrated by women themselves as much as by men; but it has always struck me as rather contrived, because in my experience, most women aren't like that at all. I tend to think it's the misogyny inherent in our culture which created this stereotype; and that the only reason some women ARE like that is because they have been conditioned (by said misogyny, helpfully internalized) to feel threatened by other women. Some people have suggested to me that my perspective would be different if I'd been straight and actually interested in "competing" with other women over guys; but I don't think so. I just don't understand the concept of (metaphorically, let alone literally) "stepping over dead bodies" to reach a goal; I don't see how any goal would be worth it. In other words, I never felt like "punishing" or hurting someone who could be considered my "competition", because I didn't see how that would make me the winner. I am quite put off by intentional meanness and any sort of emotional mind games; even when I had them practiced on me, it took a lot before I felt any urge to retaliate. I just don't have a confrontational bone in my body - I'd rather just withdraw and leave the race to the rats, so to speak. Which could possibly explain my perception of women's general lack of meanness towards each other; namely, it is possible that I don't see it much simply because I hardly ever do anything to provoke it, and I just tend to avoid mean/vengeful people in general, since I don't understand them and we don't get along. So you won't find this type of personality among my friends (only some ex-friends, perhaps...;P). And, of course, I don't have that much contact with the outside world at all, beyond a rather small circle of friends.:) So that could be why I'm missing out on this supposed "truth" of women (or, at least, straight women) being each other's "worst enemies". But I am curious what other people think, so feel welcome to share your insights...:D

Comments

[tindomerel.livejournal.com]

This is very interesting. (And thank you for the film recommendation. It sounds very fascinating.)

I also find that coming of age stories resonate in me. I'm interested in empowerment and the ways people find their inner strength/truth/courage through hardships & challenges. Maybe my own youth was a bit rough with lots and lots of bad feelings about how things are in this society and as a sensitive person it always oppressed me a lot.

I see that all the women magazines and media keep up this competition sort of attitude which really makes women against each other because life seems to be all about attracting male attention by your beauty, sexiness and wit. It's a worldview that truly makes me sick and I'm so thankful for having found paganism because one of the most meaningful things it has provided is the women's circles; the spiritual sisterhood and empowering alliance with women. It's such a magical thing in a world like this.

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

In my early youth, I mostly felt lonely, insecure and misunderstood, so perhaps I am trying to make myself feel better by comparing my own slow and painful coming of age process with more dramatic stories from the movies...;)

What you say about paganism may be the chief reason I feel attracted to it...:D I did find a kind of "sisterhood" within the lesbian community at one point in my life - but there were always tensions caused by sexual and/or romantic involvements within the group I socialized with, and sometimes I wished I didn't have to worry about who just broke up with who, or who was more interested in me than I felt comfortable with etc.;P

And btw - I LOVE your icon! :)

[goddessofchaos.livejournal.com]

I dislike the representation of women as competitive and bitchy as well. It's like any time there are women acting or appearing on a TV show together, the media have to bring out these stories about how they hate each other, or are competing to see who looks best, or competing for the attention of their co-stars, as if women could never get along well, without jealousy and confrontation. I've generally got along fine with my female friends and co-workers and while I'm aware there are bitchy, competitive women out there, I don't think it's nearly as common as the media sometimes try to make out. Personally, I would run a mile from any kind of confrontation and I feel that life's too short to waste time on petty bitching and jealousy. So I always find that kind of view of women's interactions very tiresome.

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

I know! The media keep feeding us those supposedly "juicy bits" about how some female star lashed out at another for a trivial reason, or spread evil rumors behind her back, or "stole" her boyfriend... It sounds so brainless and immature you have to wonder if someone is deliberately pushing an agenda to make women appear incapable of acting like grown-up members of society.:/