strangeness afoot ;)
May. 5th, 2012 11:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
floatingleafWeird weather is weird. Two days ago, it was hot. I slept with a fan on. Since yesterday, it's freezing again. I used my little space heater this morning to warm up the bathroom before I could take a shower. Right now, the heating is back on. I can't remember the last time the heating was on in May. They usually switch it off sometime in April. But this year has been all upside down, and I've had all my fans - as well as my space heater - out of the closet since March (basically, I never knew which one of the above I was going to need on any given day, LOL).
Ran my errands today, and on my way back home from the ATM I popped into Sears and bought a simple light beige nylon/canvas shoulder bag and a pair of sandals in an almost identical color (I am quite paranoid about wearing color-coordinated outfits). I know the sandals are deliciously comfy, because I already have an identical pair in black.:) And since I wear lots of pastel colors in the summer, the new ones should go perfectly well with most of my summer clothing. I have plenty of sandals, btw - but, sadly, most of them aren't comfortable enough for frequent wear anymore. A few old pairs I used to love tend to leave me these days with a collection of minor injuries...
Yes, I am all about flat cushioned soles and flannel nightgowns - a sure sign of middle age.;P Which reminds me... I was going to write about the dream I had two nights ago. Right after the hailstorm. I stayed up too late that night, and then I slept quite restlessly due to the heavy rain, humidity and possibly the full moon (which I couldn't see, given the weather, but which was nonetheless "out there", exercising its influence, I suppose). Anyway... it was one of those dreams that pretend to be an extension of reality - I was still in my bed, seemingly awake, and I knew it was raining outside, the air felt humid and my fan was on. Except there was another person in the bed with me. Or not really - it was another version of me. Much, much older. I don't have an exact memory of her face - but I know it was very wrinkled, lol. She was lying on her side, facing me, wearing the same nightgown - almost like an exact mirror image, except fast-forwarded some 20-30 years. It may sound creepy as I'm writing about it now, but it really wasn't - after the initial shock of seeing her there, I was completely calm and relaxed as we lay staring at each other. She said something to me, I can't remember what - it sounded like she was giving advice, the way a grandmother would.;) Then she reached out and touched my face in a tender gesture. And then she was gone.
I'm sure there is some profound meaning to this dream, which a shrink would have lots of fun with.:P What it made me think of, though, is how much I would like to be able to do the same to a younger version of me - the lonely, confused teenager or the shy, anxious, neurotic twenty-something who always seemed to be in some sort of mental/emotional turmoil. I wish I could go back in time, touch her face and say: "Calm down, honey, it's going to get better." I wonder if that's what my older self was saying. Maybe the reason I can't recall her message is because I need to live through all those years ahead before I can "hear" it... But I think the dream was an expression of trying to deal with aging. The sight of my own old, wrinkled face shocked me at first, but then I sort of took it in and came to terms with it. So maybe the message was: "See?... it's not so bad after all. You're still you. And the emotional agonies of youth are just a memory now..."
Yeah. I definitely feel like my subconscious mind is gearing up for something. I'm getting a vibe of some powerful currents of change flowing just under the surface of my awareness. It's a little scary, because yeah, we introverts don't deal too well with change - but at the same time, I somehow know that the change is mostly positive, and needs to happen. And that I just need to breathe calmly and let it happen.
I just wish I knew what I was actually talking about...;D
Ran my errands today, and on my way back home from the ATM I popped into Sears and bought a simple light beige nylon/canvas shoulder bag and a pair of sandals in an almost identical color (I am quite paranoid about wearing color-coordinated outfits). I know the sandals are deliciously comfy, because I already have an identical pair in black.:) And since I wear lots of pastel colors in the summer, the new ones should go perfectly well with most of my summer clothing. I have plenty of sandals, btw - but, sadly, most of them aren't comfortable enough for frequent wear anymore. A few old pairs I used to love tend to leave me these days with a collection of minor injuries...
Yes, I am all about flat cushioned soles and flannel nightgowns - a sure sign of middle age.;P Which reminds me... I was going to write about the dream I had two nights ago. Right after the hailstorm. I stayed up too late that night, and then I slept quite restlessly due to the heavy rain, humidity and possibly the full moon (which I couldn't see, given the weather, but which was nonetheless "out there", exercising its influence, I suppose). Anyway... it was one of those dreams that pretend to be an extension of reality - I was still in my bed, seemingly awake, and I knew it was raining outside, the air felt humid and my fan was on. Except there was another person in the bed with me. Or not really - it was another version of me. Much, much older. I don't have an exact memory of her face - but I know it was very wrinkled, lol. She was lying on her side, facing me, wearing the same nightgown - almost like an exact mirror image, except fast-forwarded some 20-30 years. It may sound creepy as I'm writing about it now, but it really wasn't - after the initial shock of seeing her there, I was completely calm and relaxed as we lay staring at each other. She said something to me, I can't remember what - it sounded like she was giving advice, the way a grandmother would.;) Then she reached out and touched my face in a tender gesture. And then she was gone.
I'm sure there is some profound meaning to this dream, which a shrink would have lots of fun with.:P What it made me think of, though, is how much I would like to be able to do the same to a younger version of me - the lonely, confused teenager or the shy, anxious, neurotic twenty-something who always seemed to be in some sort of mental/emotional turmoil. I wish I could go back in time, touch her face and say: "Calm down, honey, it's going to get better." I wonder if that's what my older self was saying. Maybe the reason I can't recall her message is because I need to live through all those years ahead before I can "hear" it... But I think the dream was an expression of trying to deal with aging. The sight of my own old, wrinkled face shocked me at first, but then I sort of took it in and came to terms with it. So maybe the message was: "See?... it's not so bad after all. You're still you. And the emotional agonies of youth are just a memory now..."
Yeah. I definitely feel like my subconscious mind is gearing up for something. I'm getting a vibe of some powerful currents of change flowing just under the surface of my awareness. It's a little scary, because yeah, we introverts don't deal too well with change - but at the same time, I somehow know that the change is mostly positive, and needs to happen. And that I just need to breathe calmly and let it happen.
I just wish I knew what I was actually talking about...;D
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2012-05-06 05:01 am (UTC)I often think about how I would love to give advice to my younger self. Maybe I still can, within myself, as a process of self healing.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-05-07 03:47 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-05-06 12:30 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-05-07 03:50 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-05-07 11:42 am (UTC)That's a really interesting dream and one that does sound meaningful. It definitely suggests something is flowing in your subconscious at the moment.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-05-08 02:19 am (UTC)