the men in white coats are coming ;P

[floatingleaf]

Well, today was pretty much a repeat of last Tuesday - I did shower slightly earlier, and went out to get groceries slightly earlier too, but still... most of the day was spent devouring another piece of fanfic by the same author. An activity which also involved laughing, sobbing and talking to myself (or rather, to the characters) loudly. Clearly, my brain has decided that sanity is overrated. I feel high-strung and emotionally fragile, as though these non-existant beings I am reading about had immense power to hurt me, just by hurting each other. Much like a "real life" person you're in love with can hurt you anytime, without even realizing they've done it. Actually, it's kind of embarrassing to talk about it - but then I don't feel like talking about anything else, so there you go. Of course, given the amount of innate introspection and compulsive psychoanalyzing that I am endowed with, I can't help but try to figure out WHY this particular pairing/romance has such an effect upon me. I think it could be the result of a very deep, instinctive need to believe in love so strong that it cannot possibly be destroyed. So if you give me immortal characters with a very turbulent history, who seem wildly incompatible at a first glance and have plenty of reasons not to get along, and who are still irresistibly drawn to each other over and over again - you basically give me the perfect scenario to put my imagination into overdrive. The fact that these particular characters happen to be vampires doesn't have much to do with it - I don't harbor a fascination with blood or nocturnal lifestyle per se, and I don't get an illicit thrill out of the fact that they must become serial killers in order to survive (romanticize it all you want, that's the crude bottom line... LOL). It's the relationship dynamic that captivates me. Can you love the same person for centuries?... Would it be easier, or more difficult to reconcile the differences and gain a whole new level of understanding and/or forgiveness if you had all the time in the world?... What if you also happened to be "trapped" in an eternally young, attractive body?...;) Would the passion grow stronger through the decades, or would it fade away?... Is the psyche also "trapped in time", so that someone who becomes a vampire at age 25 will still act like a 25-year-old a century later?... These are all fascinating questions, and the stories I've been reading explore them in depth, along with an interesting perspective on vampire sex/intimacy. Here is where fanfic authors usually differ, and it's quite engrossing to compare various takes on the issue.;P According to canon (in this case, Anne Rice), vampires cannot have sex, because their bodies are biologically dead. But what that really means is that they don't get erections. So if you believe that m/m sex is not possible without an erection, then yes, you must agree vampires can't have it. However, full body contact and simple physical closeness can be just as stimulating to creatures who don't think in human male terms of "performing" an act on a partner. And if you get past the creep-out factor, then you have to see that drinking someone's blood - and allowing them to drink yours - is actually far more intimate than sex. Of course, I have nothing against vampire erotica where erections actually happen (*LOL*) - but it's interesting to know some authors can still write wonderfully stimulating fiction without straying too far from canon in that regard (btw, if you consider lesbian vampires, then it becomes pretty obvious they can actually do MORE with each other than they could as mortal women - which is a whole another interesting concept... LOL). Anyway... I am not quite sure how I ended up talking about this (pre-menopausal increased hormone activity or something, perhaps?... *snort*), but its very closely connected to the way I perceive intimate relationships. In short, the mechanics of "what" and "how" don't matter nearly as much as the simple fact of "who" is engaging in it. For example, a "mere" kiss between characters who are obviously in love with each other gives me much more of an erotic thrill than a detailed description of intricate sexual acrobatics without much emotion behind them. Which is why I need fanfic about people with decades of back story, and not plain nameless porn.:P

I could go on and on, as I'm sure you are well aware (*snort*). But, sadly, I am not a nocturnal creature (yet...;), and I sort of want to get up at a decent hour tomorrow, to perhaps drag myself out before the stores close for the day and do some shopping... I still need that rain jacket (or two, since both my old ones are in a pretty bad shape), as well as a new brown handbag and possibly a black suit jacket/button down sweater for work (not because I am required to wear one, but because it is damn cold in the office, and light summer cardigans are usually not enough). We'll see how that goes... (I might still decide in the morning that I'd rather stay home all day and keep on reading... LOL)

Comments

[goddessofchaos.livejournal.com]

I can relate to feeling overly fragile over fictional characters. I used to be really obsessively into several different TV series, and I would get almost scared to watch a new episode in case they did something with a favourite character that I didn't like, and that would spoil my image of them and the stories I created in my head about them.

I've always created my own stories about vampires and it's the immortality that fascinates me, more than the blood-sucking and killing (in fact, my own fictional vampires don't have any need to kill). What I find interesting is how your world view, your relationships and your interactions with others would change if you became immortal, and also the idea of living through history - how easy would it be to move with the times and adapt with new technology and social changes? I'm not really interested in vampire stories that are all coffins, stakes and fangs, it's the immortality aspect that's interesting.

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

Wow. You surprised me. I wasn't expecting you to respond to this post.;)

It's good to know I'm not the only one. I can be in a foul mood for days if something horrible happens to a favorite character in a book or fanfic I'm reading. Or, God forbid, if a favorite romantic couple breaks up or has a bad fight. It HURTS. Clearly, "real life" relationships are way too much for me... *sigh*

What I find interesting is how your world view, your relationships and your interactions with others would change if you became immortal, and also the idea of living through history - how easy would it be to move with the times and adapt with new technology and social changes?

Yes yes yes. That's absolutely fascinating, and it's one of the main reasons why Anne Rice's books captivated me so much. I also wish that my favorite vampire characters didn't have to kill.;) Well, some of the oldest and most powerful ones in her universe don't really need to hunt any more - but that only happens after centuries of carnage... LOL. I wish they could just feed off each other and leave us unfortunate humans alone... unless we ask nicely.;P

[goddessofchaos.livejournal.com]

It's good to surprise people sometimes :P I don't read fanfic and I don't follow any fictional TV shows any more, so it's not something I really talk about. It still happens to me with books occasionally - I remember two or three years ago feeling like my weekend away had been ruined because the night before I left I finished a book which had a horrible, sad, inappropriate ending that really upset me, when I was expecting a happily ever after!

The good thing about the stories I create for myself is that I can always guarantee I'll like the characters and the plot!