not going through menopause yet, after all ;)

[floatingleaf]

Well... I did get my period after all. I really wasn't sure it was actually coming this time - everything felt so weird I didn't know what to think. But here it is. It's been much more unpleasant than the last time, too, I might add. I woke up this morning feeling quite shitty, painful cramps and all (which hasn't really happened in the past few months). So I spent most of the day in bed. Not that I had to be anywhere else - I did plan to go out for groceries, but the fridge isn't completely empty yet, so it wasn't absolutely necessary. Besides, it was one of those days you really don't want to venture outside unless you have to - grey and dull and utterly gloomy. Not really a "day", by my definition - just a few short hours of murky twilight. Perfect weather for staying in bed with a book, if you ask me.:P Particularly a gloomy, depressing book. Like Interview with the Vampire, which I am re-reading at the moment. I wasn't really sure I wanted to re-read it, precisely because it is so depressing; I started with The Vampire Lestat, which is the second (and my favorite) volume in the series... but then I thought, well, if I am planning to reacquaint myself with the whole story (or, at least, most of it - except, perhaps, for the latest two or three volumes, which I am not too crazy about), I can hardly skip this one. Even if I had watched the movie a ridiculous number of times. But now I know very well why I was hesitant about re-reading it; it broke my heart the first time round, and it's breaking it all over again. More so than the movie ever did. There's just so much sordid and disturbing detail I had conveniently forgotten. Like that whole scene where Claudia attempts to murder Lestat - believe it or not, but it is actually more horrifying in the book than it is in the movie. There are just so many levels of WRONG with so many aspects of it I don't even know where to start. Perhaps the most disturbing thing of all is that FEEL for them so much - even while realizing with overwhelming clarity that they are in fact ruthless monsters, all three of them, and they richly deserve what's coming to them. How can you be in love with a monster?... Why yes, apparently you can. You may tell yourself all you like that Anne Rice's brain is a seriously fucked-up place (and it is; many talented people are seriously fucked-up, that is a well-known fact) - but then why do you, the reader, the noble and morally sound human being (ahaha yes, you like to think that about yourself, don't you?...), go gaga over these horrid types who delight in being evil?... Shouldn't you be rooting for the "good guys"?... Too bad there are no good guys in the Vampire Chronicles - and the worst ones are actually the most intriguing. Smart move, Anne Rice. You managed to make me feel really uncomfortable about myself, to the point of questioning my basic humanity - which, I suppose, was the point. Great literature is meant to do that; to make you feel uncomfortable and ask yourself all kinds of tough questions. In that sense, Tolkien is way too easy; in his world, you know exactly who is good (the pretty and/or handsome characters, mostly) and who is bad (the ugly ones) and who is supposed to win in the end. It is quite appealing, because you wish life was like that, don't you?... But that's precisely what makes it FANTASY, more than the elves and dwarves and hobbits and all the rest. If Tolkien wrote about vampires, they would be ugly and cringe-worthy - like the orcs - and ultimately they would be vanquished. Which makes me really glad that he didn't.:P

Yes, I am aware that The Hobbit movie is out already. No, I haven't seen it. I probably will, at some point, but I don't have any immediate plans in that regard. It seems I am unable to be really "into" something which is quite popular at the moment. I "discovered" LOTR at a time when many people were over it already - and now that the fandom is about to experience a massive revival, I sort of gaze at it fondly from a distance, but "my heart's not in it". I haven't the slightest interest in dwarf slash (which is sure to flourish in certain fannish circles) - or, for that matter, in Legolas being paired with some elf girl who wasn't even in the books (ah, the everpresent heteroromantic imperative!... every pretty boy MUST find a girl, non?... *gags a little*). I don't even read A/L anymore - why would I care about any other LOTR-related stuff?... Who knows - maybe I'll have my own private "fandom revival" after everyone else forgets about it. After all, that's what happened with the Vampire Chronicles. I honestly thought I was done obsessing about them; and then, boom! I had a casual, nostalgic flip through Dany & Dany's comics, and all of a sudden my brain went into a time warp. How could I ever grow cold and distant towards my REAL OTP?!?!?!... Well, I'll tell you why: because other people still cared about it at that point. Apparently, I had to wait until most of the fansites and archives and LJ comms and such disappeared off the face of the web before my interest could be rekindled. *mirthless snort* Yes, I am weird like that.:/

And so, having spewed all this unexpected profundity, I shall now return to my temptingly comfy sofa bed and my deliciously depressing book...;P

Comments

[meathiel]

I think I'll have to re-read "Interview ..." one day - I still seem to remember that Louis wasn't such a ruthless monster???

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

Well, compared to Lestat or Claudia, he wasn't - but still, he had his part in Claudia's "creation", and the relationship between him and Claudia has the inevitable touch of paedophilia in it (she's not a child, mentally, but her body is still that of a 6-year-old, and her innocence and "freshness" were initially a big part of why Louis couldn't resist feeding on her, no matter how bad he felt about it afterwards). It's all sick and twisted, however you look at it.:P

[meathiel]

Oh yeah ... I totally forgot about Louis' and Claudia's relationship ...