I'm still alive?...

[floatingleaf]

First and foremost, warm thanks to everyone for the comments to my previous post (you lovely people know who you are :). Some of them (the ones that appeared before I left for work this morning) gave me the strength and courage I needed to face my boss about the whole me-not-being-right-for-the-job issue. And actually, she was very understanding and courteous about it, admitting that not everyone is suited for that type of environment and suggesting I should go to the HR and inquire about other positions within the company that might fit me better (actually, I was kind of amazed at how mature and professional we both acted during the whole conversation... lol). Since it seemed like a sensible thing to do, instead of just quitting at once (however tempting that might have been in my current state of mind), I think I'm going to grin and bear it for another week or so and see if anything works out. It wasn't so bad today, actually; I did make a couple of stupid errors, due mainly to not having slept for over 24 hours, but didn't get stabbed with any murderous looks for it. Or maybe I was just too exhausted to notice... lol.

On a side note... homeopathic sleeping pills Calms FORTE. HA HA HA. What utterly useless crap. I took THREE, and didn't as much as doze off all night. Didn't even feel my eyelids getting heavy, lol. I guess I need some hardcore chemical tranquilizers, like the ones they give to raving lunatics at mental institutions, to put me to sleep when I am in my full angst mode... *sigh*

Of course, the best natural sleep aid is sheer physical/mental exhaustion, and it's definitely at work right now.:) Actually, I took a longish nap already right after coming home this afternoon... and now all I feel like is brushing my teeth and going back to bed. I still have well over 100 unread emails, not to mention the unanswered comments... but hopefully I'll deal with that over the weekend. Ahh, the weekend - my only light in the deep, dark tunnel.;P *scurries off before her face hits the keyboard*

Comments

[slesia.livejournal.com]

Sweetheart,
glad to read that today went better. As they say, when you hit the bottom, you can only go up *hugs*. What I mean is that when you get to the point of seeing everything only and completely black, then the next day you start learning to see in the dark and things look less bleak... *g*

If they could find you another place in the same company it would be really good (and it would save you the stress of looking for a new job) as long as the new place is fitting for human beings :) :)

As far as sleep is concerned, as you know, it is not one of my best periods either and when I went to see my GP (general doctor), I told her I kept on waking up in the middle of the night and stuff, and she gave me some sleeping pills to use just for a few days to re-establish a regular pattern of sleep and to help my brain get out of the 'oh my God, I can't sleep' chain-reaction. It's so good to wake up after a night's real sleep, Hon, who cares if they're chemicals: we all need some help to get through hard times :) :)

Luv and solidarity,
xxxxSlesia

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

As they say, when you hit the bottom, you can only go up

Too true. Been there, done that.:P

I find that going to bed at the same time every day helps a lot with the sleep pattern... but I always wake up during the night anyway, because I ALWAYS need to pee (at least once). And as for chemicals... I am a little afraid of them, because sometimes they begin to work with a huge delay - like, for example, right when you have to get up in the morning and go to work. And that's worse than not having slept at all...

[slesia.livejournal.com]

You are right (as you always are :)), set patterns and routines help a lot with many things: sleeping, anxiety, depression. It's just that I find it soooo hard to stick to any routine, any at all :)

I have the night-pee thing too (of course!), though, if it's just that, I usually manage to fall asleep again pretty quickly. When I wake up with a knot in my stomach, falling asleep again is not that easy, and I need to get up and do sth to distract my attention and relax again. Other times, I switch the light off and start turning on one side, then the other, then the other (yes, I even manage to find a third one!!). After a few nights like this, I go for the pill, alternatively, I thought about bashing my head against the wall, but I have a feeling it might be slightly more painfull... ^_^

Love, My Precious,
xxxS.

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

You are right (as you always are :))

Hmmm. I think I'm being overrated...;D

Other times, I switch the light off and start turning on one side, then the other, then the other (yes, I even manage to find a third one!!)

Welcome to the club, darling. I do that on a regular basis - regardless of whether I actually sleep or not. When I get up in the morning, my sheets are usually in one huge messy tangle (which might possibly suggest more fun than I was actually having... LOL). I also tend to have weird nightmares for no apparent reason, ones that make me wake up with a jump, or so tense that my muscles hurt. And of course it's never easy to go to sleep again after that...

Anyway... whatever you do, please don't bash your head against the wall. It would be a waste to damage those precious smart brain cells.;P

Love,
FL :)

[slesia.livejournal.com]

It would be a waste to damage those precious smart brain cells.;P

Yeah, right, who's beeing overrated now?

Talking about odd night activities (no, I don't mean in that way: I wish!! :)), Rona used to tell me that when I sleep, I kick the air. Just like that, a leg goes off and kicks the covers...and the cat, if she happens to be there. This is how my old Italian cats used to set to the most acrobatic jumps off the bed. I remember once I was awoken by my very kick (!) and I actually saw the cat taking off... rather funny :) (ok, maybe not for the cat, lol, but then she would come back on the bed three seconds later, and get cuddles! :)).

About your job, I was just wondering, apart from the (potential) searching job stress and the little money in the meantime, would you also have a problem with the VISA? I know that they are very strict in the US and they don't let you stay unless you are working, but would they give you a span of time to look for a new job, should you decide to change it? I do hope so LOL LOL

(((hugs you tight)))
xxxS.

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

LOLOL... you must have a lot of energy, girl.;) Poor cats... and bed partners! :D

As for the visa... at first I thought you meant my brand new credit card (which they possibly might take away once I become officially unemployed - though I hope they won't!...), but then I realized I never actually mentioned in this journal that it was a Visa.:D So you probably mean my immigrant status. In that case don't worry, hon - I'm totally legal here, whether I'm working or not. "Resident alien" (I love that term, btw...;P) with a little handy rectangular piece of plastic called The Green Card. Which means I can stay however long I wish and do whatever, except leave the country for more than a year at a time - until I become a citizen. Once that happens, I can leave and never come back.:P

[slesia.livejournal.com]

Eeheeeh
Remember a song by Sting called An English Man in NY? There he said "I'm an alien, I'm a legal alien..." referring to this. I suppose, for some Americans (thank God not to all!) whatever is not like them is kinda alien... oops, sorry, I let a bit of venom out, should keep better care of my fangs *g*

I'm glad that at least the residence thing is not an issue for you :) 'cos that would have added extra stress to the job problem :)
xxxS.

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

Remember a song by Sting called An English Man in NY? There he said "I'm an alien, I'm a legal alien..."

Oh yeah. That song rules. It was playing in my head all the time when I filled out my immigration papers...:D

I suppose, for some Americans (thank God not to all!) whatever is not like them is kinda alien...

You're absolutely right, and I don't mind your fangs.;) Of course this remark does not apply to the Americans on my flist, who are a bunch of extremely sweet, open minded people - otherwise they wouldn't have friended an alien like me.:;P But one of the women I tried (quite unsuccesfully) to date here said to me once: "You're SO European" - and it didn't sound like a compliment... LOL.

*hugs to you and all fellow-Europeans who might happen to be around* :D