thinky post, for a change :)
Oct. 5th, 2013 11:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
floatingleafAnybody remember the 30-day-meme?... Yes, the one I started back in 2010, I think. *headshake* I do want to finish it, and I have only two topics left... so why not "do" one tonight?
This is a tough question, because I don't really like the word "aspirations", and I'm not sure I even understand what it's supposed to mean. Of course, I know what the dictionary says about it - but that doesn't make it any easier to relate to the concept. I know aspirations seem to be something you're "supposed" to have - just like "goals" or "ambitions" - but none of those things fit my approach to life. They seem to imply you can never be happy with where you are at any given moment. They seem to paint life as some sort of competition, a constant struggle to prove something, to move, to change... The way I see it, there is enough change happening around me anyway, without me actively trying to contribute to it. I invest enough energy in COPING with change already; why would I want to CREATE more change and give myself more to deal with?... If I can honestly say that I aspire to something, then this something would have to be a profound sense of inner peace. But I'm not sure I know how to actually achieve it... so it's more of a wish than an aspiration, I suppose. I aspire to NOT CARING what today's hectic consumerist culture tells me I should aspire to.:P I long for some sort of spiritual fulfillment, but I don't really have a plan for it, and I am in no hurry to devise one.;) I basically just take each day as it comes, and try to make the best of it. Of course I worry about the future every now and then - everyone does, I suppose - but I don't believe it is possible to control it by making long-term plans. I could be wrong about that, obviously; but I can't make myself believe otherwise. I feel that investing too much energy in trying to influence the future takes away from our ability to enjoy the present moment. Life has a way of overturning our most careful plans. It also has a way of offering unexpected solutions that we couldn't have foreseen. We change, we grow, we evolve, without ever trying to... so my attitude is all about simply observing the process, instead of aiming to direct it. Clearly, I was born in the wrong culture. This reminds me of an interview with a film director, who was discussing the fundamental difference between the philosophies of East and West (the director himself was from India or Pakistan, I think, but the movie he talked about was an adaptation of a 19th century novel by a British author; it was called Four Feathers, btw, and Heath Ledger was in it). He said that the West was all about will, and the East all about destiny. It struck me as completely true - and also made me realize that I can relate to the East much better than to the West.:) I think a lot of typical Western attitudes are quite arrogant and narrow-minded, and that climbing some sort of imaginary ladder of "aspiration" is often done by stepping on other people's backs. And yes, I'm thinking of you, corporate America, and your frantic race towards "achievement". I could never willingly identify with any part of it, and it still feels as alien to me now as it did when I first moved to the US 11 years ago. I've learned the lingo, and I can use it to compose those ridiculously pompous "self-assessments" I am required to do at work; but none of it has anything to do with ME, or stuff that actually matters to me as a person. It's a disguise... a uniform. A survival tactic, if you please. But I find it exhausting, and I resent the fact that I have to play the game and invent "career goals" I couldn't care less about. So, if you like, my personal "goal" is to be free of all that bullshit. At least on the mental plane. To feel confident in the knowledge that it doesn't rule my life, and that really important stuff doesn't require any sort of "measurement". Because things like spirituality, peace or inner sense of wonder and connection with the universe are immeasurable...
This is a tough question, because I don't really like the word "aspirations", and I'm not sure I even understand what it's supposed to mean. Of course, I know what the dictionary says about it - but that doesn't make it any easier to relate to the concept. I know aspirations seem to be something you're "supposed" to have - just like "goals" or "ambitions" - but none of those things fit my approach to life. They seem to imply you can never be happy with where you are at any given moment. They seem to paint life as some sort of competition, a constant struggle to prove something, to move, to change... The way I see it, there is enough change happening around me anyway, without me actively trying to contribute to it. I invest enough energy in COPING with change already; why would I want to CREATE more change and give myself more to deal with?... If I can honestly say that I aspire to something, then this something would have to be a profound sense of inner peace. But I'm not sure I know how to actually achieve it... so it's more of a wish than an aspiration, I suppose. I aspire to NOT CARING what today's hectic consumerist culture tells me I should aspire to.:P I long for some sort of spiritual fulfillment, but I don't really have a plan for it, and I am in no hurry to devise one.;) I basically just take each day as it comes, and try to make the best of it. Of course I worry about the future every now and then - everyone does, I suppose - but I don't believe it is possible to control it by making long-term plans. I could be wrong about that, obviously; but I can't make myself believe otherwise. I feel that investing too much energy in trying to influence the future takes away from our ability to enjoy the present moment. Life has a way of overturning our most careful plans. It also has a way of offering unexpected solutions that we couldn't have foreseen. We change, we grow, we evolve, without ever trying to... so my attitude is all about simply observing the process, instead of aiming to direct it. Clearly, I was born in the wrong culture. This reminds me of an interview with a film director, who was discussing the fundamental difference between the philosophies of East and West (the director himself was from India or Pakistan, I think, but the movie he talked about was an adaptation of a 19th century novel by a British author; it was called Four Feathers, btw, and Heath Ledger was in it). He said that the West was all about will, and the East all about destiny. It struck me as completely true - and also made me realize that I can relate to the East much better than to the West.:) I think a lot of typical Western attitudes are quite arrogant and narrow-minded, and that climbing some sort of imaginary ladder of "aspiration" is often done by stepping on other people's backs. And yes, I'm thinking of you, corporate America, and your frantic race towards "achievement". I could never willingly identify with any part of it, and it still feels as alien to me now as it did when I first moved to the US 11 years ago. I've learned the lingo, and I can use it to compose those ridiculously pompous "self-assessments" I am required to do at work; but none of it has anything to do with ME, or stuff that actually matters to me as a person. It's a disguise... a uniform. A survival tactic, if you please. But I find it exhausting, and I resent the fact that I have to play the game and invent "career goals" I couldn't care less about. So, if you like, my personal "goal" is to be free of all that bullshit. At least on the mental plane. To feel confident in the knowledge that it doesn't rule my life, and that really important stuff doesn't require any sort of "measurement". Because things like spirituality, peace or inner sense of wonder and connection with the universe are immeasurable...
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2013-10-06 07:49 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-10-07 01:17 am (UTC)Exactly. There is the implication you're somehow defective if you don't care about getting richer or finding some claim to fame. Sometimes I feel like people pity me because I'm not an over-achiever. Or maybe it's all in my head, because my mother IS an over-achiever, and she always looked at me with some sort of uncomprehending exasperation. And I wasted way too much time and energy trying to understand why it was wrong to be me, or what I could possibly do to be more like her. I am SO done now. I do not WANT to be like her - unable to ever slow down or relax. It must be dreadfully exhausting...;P
(no subject)
Date: 2013-10-06 08:54 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-10-07 01:19 am (UTC)