the metaphysics of toilets
Jun. 25th, 2014 11:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
floatingleafStrangely enough, after I made the previous angsty post, my mood improved quite a bit. Or maybe that was due to the phone conversation I had with a friend of mine (the only local friend I keep in touch with more or less regularly these days). It was a good conversation - very therapeutic (she happens to be a psychologist, which probably helped as well). We also talked about another mutual friend, who had been in a long-distance relationship that started online a while ago. The last time we spoke about her, she was on cloud nine about this guy, ready to have his children (this from someone who used to identify as a lesbian - I met her through a gay dating site, for God's sake - and never even thought of having kids before). But recently she went to visit him, and everything fell apart. I don't know the details - but I do know the three of us need to have a good lengthy face-to-face chat sometime soon. Hopefully it'll happen during the upcoming holiday weekend...
I am trying something new here, btw - drafting this post at work, since the office has been awfully quiet lately, with my boss on vacation and no urgent stuff to do. I never log into LJ during work hours - but I figured out I can use email draft to save whatever I manage to write, and then just copy/paste it into the LJ update box when I get home. Which definitely saves a lot of time. So I MAY be posting more in the near future...
As for the long overdue "real life" update that I've been meaning to make... it's rather mundane, but also strangely symbolic in the context of recent events . The key phrase of the past few weeks seems to be Fixing Stuff. The first item that had to get fixed was my refrigerator. It broke down a few days after my NYC trip. Or maybe even while I was gone. The thing is, I didn't even notice until some of the food started to go bad. Which probably tells you how preoccupied I was by... other things.:/ But eventually I did notice, and call building management, and they did send someone to take care of the problem (it was a simple matter of replacing a part... but unfortunately most of the fridge contents had to go). A few days later, I came home from work to find two guys in the bathroom, working on replacing the bathtub drain (my downstairs neighbor had called maintenance, because there was a leak on her ceiling). There was a brief moment of panic where I thought I had left the door unlocked... but of course the management office has the keys, and they use them if they need to (it will please you to know that they do knock first). Anyway... while they were at it, they also fixed the dripping tap (it had been dripping for a while, and I had mentioned it to the regular plumber when he was here a while ago to fix something else; but he said it would be a complicated job, since he would have to demolish part of the wall... and so I decided it wasn't worth the bother, considering I was hoping to move out within the year). Which, as it turned out, didn't require demolishing the wall. And, incidentally, they managed to open the bathroom window, which had been stuck closed ever since I moved in. So it's a little less stuffy in there now (it had been the hot water tap which was dripping, too, which made things worse). But the biggest fix is the toilet. It hadn't been flushing properly for the past few weeks - but, again, I didn't bother reporting it, being preoccupied with other things. It wasn't as urgent as the refrigerator, obviously. I wasn't expecting any visitors anytime soon, and I personally don't have a problem with using the bucket. But one of the plumber guys looked at it and said it needed replacing (the whole thing, since it was an old model for which they didn't make parts anymore). And so, another week or so later, I came back home one day to find a brand new toilet. It's ridiculously white and gleaming, and looks totally out of place next to the old, grimy tub & sink. But it flushes beautifully... LOL.
So yeah, quite a few unplanned repairs all done within a month. And for most of them, I didn't even have to lift a finger. They just came and did it all, because someone else called and reported a problem. Which is extremely ironic, considering my previous experience with trying to get the building management to do ANYTHING around here. But perhaps there is a deeper philosophical message in it... something about bad situations turning out for the better, or about life forcing you to fix whatever doesn't work - even if you think it does, because you're unwilling to consider potential consequences. Or perhaps I just like to see deeper meaning in the most random stupid shit, because it helps me deal. In any case, there is this feeling of a "fresh start" in a few different areas. I am very resistant to change and "moving on", in general; but even for me, there comes a point where I realize the river has been crossed, and there is no going back. And another thing I realized this time: I am stronger than I thought I was. And an important aspect of this strength is that I am not ashamed of feeling vulnerable. I made no secret of my perpetual fear of rejection, and it was exploited to the fullest (I pretty much said, hey, this is the worst thing you can do to me - and that was exactly what happened); and yet, I do not regret placing my trust in the wrong hands, because I'd rather misplace it again than lose the ability to give it at all. I am definitely going to be more cautious around a certain type of people... but that doesn't mean I am locking my heart in an armored box. It just means I plan on showing more appreciation to those whose merits are perhaps less obvious at a first glance (in other words, those who hardly ever dazzle up front, but show their true value on closer acquaintance). The dazzle is often an empty promise, anyway...
And this is how I managed to turn the announcement about acquiring a new toilet into a philosophical treatise on life and humanity. Watch, world, and marvel. But I obviously didn't manage to finish this post at work, and it is now far later than it should be. *sigh* And so I shall gracefully refrain from further dubiously profound insights. Good night.
I am trying something new here, btw - drafting this post at work, since the office has been awfully quiet lately, with my boss on vacation and no urgent stuff to do. I never log into LJ during work hours - but I figured out I can use email draft to save whatever I manage to write, and then just copy/paste it into the LJ update box when I get home. Which definitely saves a lot of time. So I MAY be posting more in the near future...
As for the long overdue "real life" update that I've been meaning to make... it's rather mundane, but also strangely symbolic in the context of recent events . The key phrase of the past few weeks seems to be Fixing Stuff. The first item that had to get fixed was my refrigerator. It broke down a few days after my NYC trip. Or maybe even while I was gone. The thing is, I didn't even notice until some of the food started to go bad. Which probably tells you how preoccupied I was by... other things.:/ But eventually I did notice, and call building management, and they did send someone to take care of the problem (it was a simple matter of replacing a part... but unfortunately most of the fridge contents had to go). A few days later, I came home from work to find two guys in the bathroom, working on replacing the bathtub drain (my downstairs neighbor had called maintenance, because there was a leak on her ceiling). There was a brief moment of panic where I thought I had left the door unlocked... but of course the management office has the keys, and they use them if they need to (it will please you to know that they do knock first). Anyway... while they were at it, they also fixed the dripping tap (it had been dripping for a while, and I had mentioned it to the regular plumber when he was here a while ago to fix something else; but he said it would be a complicated job, since he would have to demolish part of the wall... and so I decided it wasn't worth the bother, considering I was hoping to move out within the year). Which, as it turned out, didn't require demolishing the wall. And, incidentally, they managed to open the bathroom window, which had been stuck closed ever since I moved in. So it's a little less stuffy in there now (it had been the hot water tap which was dripping, too, which made things worse). But the biggest fix is the toilet. It hadn't been flushing properly for the past few weeks - but, again, I didn't bother reporting it, being preoccupied with other things. It wasn't as urgent as the refrigerator, obviously. I wasn't expecting any visitors anytime soon, and I personally don't have a problem with using the bucket. But one of the plumber guys looked at it and said it needed replacing (the whole thing, since it was an old model for which they didn't make parts anymore). And so, another week or so later, I came back home one day to find a brand new toilet. It's ridiculously white and gleaming, and looks totally out of place next to the old, grimy tub & sink. But it flushes beautifully... LOL.
So yeah, quite a few unplanned repairs all done within a month. And for most of them, I didn't even have to lift a finger. They just came and did it all, because someone else called and reported a problem. Which is extremely ironic, considering my previous experience with trying to get the building management to do ANYTHING around here. But perhaps there is a deeper philosophical message in it... something about bad situations turning out for the better, or about life forcing you to fix whatever doesn't work - even if you think it does, because you're unwilling to consider potential consequences. Or perhaps I just like to see deeper meaning in the most random stupid shit, because it helps me deal. In any case, there is this feeling of a "fresh start" in a few different areas. I am very resistant to change and "moving on", in general; but even for me, there comes a point where I realize the river has been crossed, and there is no going back. And another thing I realized this time: I am stronger than I thought I was. And an important aspect of this strength is that I am not ashamed of feeling vulnerable. I made no secret of my perpetual fear of rejection, and it was exploited to the fullest (I pretty much said, hey, this is the worst thing you can do to me - and that was exactly what happened); and yet, I do not regret placing my trust in the wrong hands, because I'd rather misplace it again than lose the ability to give it at all. I am definitely going to be more cautious around a certain type of people... but that doesn't mean I am locking my heart in an armored box. It just means I plan on showing more appreciation to those whose merits are perhaps less obvious at a first glance (in other words, those who hardly ever dazzle up front, but show their true value on closer acquaintance). The dazzle is often an empty promise, anyway...
And this is how I managed to turn the announcement about acquiring a new toilet into a philosophical treatise on life and humanity. Watch, world, and marvel. But I obviously didn't manage to finish this post at work, and it is now far later than it should be. *sigh* And so I shall gracefully refrain from further dubiously profound insights. Good night.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2014-06-26 08:56 am (UTC)And yay for getting stuff fixed in the flat. What's happened with your moving plans?
(no subject)
Date: 2014-06-27 03:09 am (UTC)My moving plans aren't... moving, so to speak. My parents haven't been able to find anything suitable, and I haven't really started looking seriously on my own. As you may have gathered, I was too preoccupied with other things...
(no subject)
Date: 2014-06-26 07:19 pm (UTC)I always find it cathartic to post about bad situations and often find my mood improves after I have. Just getting the tangle of words out of your head and onto the screen can be a good start. I'm glad that you're feeling better and stronger, in any case, and that you're not going to let this experience stop you from trusting people in future, even if you'll have this extra experience to guide you in your choices.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-06-27 03:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-07-04 03:07 pm (UTC)That reminds me of a 'golden rule' I once heard:
what you resist - persists
what you accept(embrace) - dissolves.
Maybe it's about general rule of life, as you mentioned above, not necessarily about material things like toilets: when you push too hard, you prevent things from happening and when you let the things go/don't focus on them - they miraculously heal themselves:)
(no subject)
Date: 2014-07-07 12:15 am (UTC)