nothing whatsoever

[floatingleaf]

It's happening again: I feel like my head is bursting with the things I want to say, and yet the words won't come. As soon as I actually start typing a sentence, it seems so trivial and insignificant I just have to delete it. What is wrong with me?... How can I possibly write fiction, if a simple journal entry seems too much?...

Maybe I should just come to terms with the fact that I have absolutely NOTHING relevant to say. I'm just an obsessive-compulsive graphomaniac (is that a word?...). Maybe I should copy a telephone book or something... *sigh*

Comments

[oceansecrets2.livejournal.com]

We're interested in what you have to say, whether it's "important" or not. Don't feel you have to say anything other than what you want to in your own journal, however meaningless it seems - it's important to you to express those "bursting" thoughts and feelings.

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

It's not that I feel I shouldn't express those thoughts and feelings - it's that I don't know how. I am at a loss how to explain this to anyone who doesn't seem to be having the same problem... but there are days when everything I think or do seems so utterly pointless I just want to bang my head against the wall. Or at least it BECOMES pointless as soon as I try to put it into words. I once read in a book on astrology that people whose sun sign is in direct opposition to their rising sign (as it happens in my case) often feel like they were looking at the world through a thick pane of glass. It is very true - except for me the pane of glass is also situated between my thoughts/feelings/imagination and their outward expression. There seems to be so much going on in my head - and yet, if you ask me what exactly, I will begin to bite my lip and stammer in abject frustration (lol). It doesn't happen all the time - but often enough to make me painfully aware of it. On the other hand, I am obsessed with words and have this incredibly strong urge to write - but it's always an extremely slow and difficult process. The concept of spontaneity doesn't exist in my world (at least most of the time it doesn't). And sometimes it really feels like trying to break a thick pane of glass with my bare hands. In other words... pointless.

I hope what I said makes at least some sense to you... lol. If it doesn't, don't worry - I'm just as puzzled by it on a daily basis. *sigh*

[eliriel1.livejournal.com]

I totally understand what you feel,because the same happens to me. I couldn't help myself either,because added at everything I always feel like I am not worthy of anything.......But,I am a rebel...One day or another I will turn the table.Now ,the best I can do is agree with you and tell you that this sometimes sucks.I can share the feeling...
((((hugs)))))

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for expressing your understanding. And you are definitely wrong in saying you are not worthy of anything - but I know the feeling too, and know how hard it is to get rid of it, even if you realize it is totally irrational... *sigh*