hmmm

[floatingleaf]

Again, I very much wanted to post tonight, but I lack the focus required to string sentences together. My brain is busy processing all the information it has absorbed over the past few weeks. I feel like my perspective is shifting on a number of topics, and there is no way I can possibly condense that into a single post or five... but on the other hand, posting about mundane everyday things instead holds no attraction whatsoever. So I've been mostly sitting here this evening, staring at this blank screen and thoughtfully chewing on my lower lip.:P And downloading music - which doesn't require nearly as much mental engagement as trying to formulate your thoughts. Maybe I need a break from my thoughts, anyway. I need to learn how to put those churning little brainwheels in resting mode every once in a while. I feel overheated - like a computer running too many programs at once. A few years ago, I made some feeble attempts to teach myself how to meditate... then gave it up, because it seemed like I had no way no know whether I was "doing it right", and it just felt pointless, somehow. But perhaps I was overthinking it, like I do everything else, and letting my own exacting perfectionism get in the way. Perhaps I need to try again, and just be more patient. I need to stop self-sabotaging at every turn. The good thing is that nowadays I tend to catch myself when I do it - far more frequently than I used to when I was younger. I just need to stop beating myself up about it when I notice, too. *sigh* Being a kind and forgiving person starts with oneself. There's no moving forward otherwise. I know I've said it before, but apparently I need frequent reminders. Perhaps it will sink in one day... ;)

Comments

[cloudsinvenice]

I wouldn't worry so much over whether you're doing it "right" - if it has positive results over time, I think that'll be your answer. :)

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

You're probably right. My other standard excuse for not focusing on it more was lack of time - and, as you know, I certainly don't have THAT problem anymore... so we will see. It definitely sounds like a good way to deal with anxiety, which is currently threatening to eat me up alive... *sigh*