a quiz and a rant :)
Oct. 6th, 2007 07:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
floatingleafSnagged from rainweaver13 and stormatdusk:
Hmmm... I wish, I guess.;) This seems like a very idealized version of me, anyway. One that totally ignores my angsty side.:P
Though balance, freedom and general contentment with life are definitely among my highest priorities. It's just that sometimes it's a struggle to bring them about. But that could be true for anyone, I guess.
My quest to eat and live healthy is a very good example. It's a big turnover for me, and sometimes it feels like way too much to put up with on a daily basis - but I know that in the long run I will be more happy with it than without. There were never very many aspects of my life I felt in control of (my LJ name is far from accidental, btw, and constitutes a good metaphor of how I see myself versus the forces of destiny... lol); so it's kinda nice to know I'm able to follow some kind of regimen that hasn't been imposed upon me from the outside (well, it is an outside influence, but I chose to follow it of my own free will, so to speak). I have often found it hard to keep promises made to myself (especially ones that no-one else knew about, because that way no-one could see my failure); but this time I feel like I'm going to make it - not just to keep a promise, and regardless of whether anyone will be there to applaud or chide me. I just like this new vision of myself: as a person who stopped whining and making excuses, and got a firm grip on at least one important aspect of her existence. I simply refuse to sit down and wait until I get large enough for all my clothes to become too tight all over again... lol. This will NOT happen. I remember I used to look at obese people with some kind of abject fear, thinking: oh God, what if this happens to me?... Now I look at them and think: this will NOT happen to me. I will not allow it. Because now I know how to prevent it, and I am willing to go the extra mile. And the awareness of this makes me feel GOOD.
Not that I've been having any amazingly impressive results of late. In fact, my weight loss has slowed down considerably (only 4 ounces in the last two weeks), and I won't lie and say that I am not disappointed. Because I was trying really hard with the food, and doing well. But what would be the point of the whole thing if I let it discourage me now?... The only reasonable conclusion is that I have to try harder. Or give it more time and see what happens. As long as I am not gaining, I'm on the right track, after all. There are all kinds of factors that go into this, and only time will tell me what I am doing wrong. It could be that I was so preoccupied with learning to cook, it made me go way too easy on the exercise.;) ("Now that I'm eating right, I don't have to work out so often" seemed like such a convenient excuse; but apparently it doesn't work that way :/). Or it could be not following the 'good health' guidelines closely enough (not enough water or healthy oil intake, too many carbs etc.etc.). Or not getting enough sleep...
I keep trying, you see, and I find that if I manage to go to bed around 11 p.m., I can actually feel relatively human the next morning. But if I do go to bed that early every day, I have hardly any time for life, so to speak. So it is a struggle. Some days I am amazingly good: I cook, I exercise, AND I go to bed early. Other days I skip one or more of the three... and usually feel bad about it later, sometimes in a very tangible physical way.:/ Which gives me more motivation to try harder again. And so it goes. But whenever I feel like saying: crap, I can't do this anymore - I remind myself that if I give up now, I'm going to feel much, much worse. That is the ultimate truth, and I'm sticking to it. It doesn't even feel like a choice anymore - but it is one, and if I had made it some years earlier, it wouldn't be so hard on me now. On the other hand, I see plenty of people who never made it, or aren't aware of having made one; and I don't envy them one bit. They can go out to fast food restaurants and stuff their faces silly with poisonous crap every day, for all I care. No-one's forcing them to do it, after all. And if they complain about weight/health issues, all I have to say to them is: well... use your brain and connect the dots. If I could do it, anyone can. The sooner the better... lol.
Ooofff. I don't know what came over me.:P I was just posting a stupid quiz.;) But I guess that's a large part of what's on my mind of late, and it just came pouring out. *wipes brow*
rainweaver13 and stormatdusk: | You Are Mint Green |
 Balanced and calm, you have mastered the philosophy of living well. Your friends seek you out for support, and you are able to bring stability to chaotic situations. You're very open and cheerful - and you feel like you have a lot of freedom in life. Your future may hold any number of exciting things, and you're ready for all of them! |
Hmmm... I wish, I guess.;) This seems like a very idealized version of me, anyway. One that totally ignores my angsty side.:P
Though balance, freedom and general contentment with life are definitely among my highest priorities. It's just that sometimes it's a struggle to bring them about. But that could be true for anyone, I guess.
My quest to eat and live healthy is a very good example. It's a big turnover for me, and sometimes it feels like way too much to put up with on a daily basis - but I know that in the long run I will be more happy with it than without. There were never very many aspects of my life I felt in control of (my LJ name is far from accidental, btw, and constitutes a good metaphor of how I see myself versus the forces of destiny... lol); so it's kinda nice to know I'm able to follow some kind of regimen that hasn't been imposed upon me from the outside (well, it is an outside influence, but I chose to follow it of my own free will, so to speak). I have often found it hard to keep promises made to myself (especially ones that no-one else knew about, because that way no-one could see my failure); but this time I feel like I'm going to make it - not just to keep a promise, and regardless of whether anyone will be there to applaud or chide me. I just like this new vision of myself: as a person who stopped whining and making excuses, and got a firm grip on at least one important aspect of her existence. I simply refuse to sit down and wait until I get large enough for all my clothes to become too tight all over again... lol. This will NOT happen. I remember I used to look at obese people with some kind of abject fear, thinking: oh God, what if this happens to me?... Now I look at them and think: this will NOT happen to me. I will not allow it. Because now I know how to prevent it, and I am willing to go the extra mile. And the awareness of this makes me feel GOOD.
Not that I've been having any amazingly impressive results of late. In fact, my weight loss has slowed down considerably (only 4 ounces in the last two weeks), and I won't lie and say that I am not disappointed. Because I was trying really hard with the food, and doing well. But what would be the point of the whole thing if I let it discourage me now?... The only reasonable conclusion is that I have to try harder. Or give it more time and see what happens. As long as I am not gaining, I'm on the right track, after all. There are all kinds of factors that go into this, and only time will tell me what I am doing wrong. It could be that I was so preoccupied with learning to cook, it made me go way too easy on the exercise.;) ("Now that I'm eating right, I don't have to work out so often" seemed like such a convenient excuse; but apparently it doesn't work that way :/). Or it could be not following the 'good health' guidelines closely enough (not enough water or healthy oil intake, too many carbs etc.etc.). Or not getting enough sleep...
I keep trying, you see, and I find that if I manage to go to bed around 11 p.m., I can actually feel relatively human the next morning. But if I do go to bed that early every day, I have hardly any time for life, so to speak. So it is a struggle. Some days I am amazingly good: I cook, I exercise, AND I go to bed early. Other days I skip one or more of the three... and usually feel bad about it later, sometimes in a very tangible physical way.:/ Which gives me more motivation to try harder again. And so it goes. But whenever I feel like saying: crap, I can't do this anymore - I remind myself that if I give up now, I'm going to feel much, much worse. That is the ultimate truth, and I'm sticking to it. It doesn't even feel like a choice anymore - but it is one, and if I had made it some years earlier, it wouldn't be so hard on me now. On the other hand, I see plenty of people who never made it, or aren't aware of having made one; and I don't envy them one bit. They can go out to fast food restaurants and stuff their faces silly with poisonous crap every day, for all I care. No-one's forcing them to do it, after all. And if they complain about weight/health issues, all I have to say to them is: well... use your brain and connect the dots. If I could do it, anyone can. The sooner the better... lol.
Ooofff. I don't know what came over me.:P I was just posting a stupid quiz.;) But I guess that's a large part of what's on my mind of late, and it just came pouring out. *wipes brow*
