Sunday stream of consciousness

[floatingleaf]

I feel so lethargic today. No energy whatsoever. I woke up with a migraine - no idea why, I haven't had a migraine in months - and ended up staying in bed till around noon, waiting for Excedrin to take the worst of the pain away. Then I had some breakfast, skimmed through email/flist and... took a nap. Seriously. WTF is wrong with me? Well, I finally dragged myself into the much needed hot shower, did the full run of neck/shoulder/mid-back stretches, had some lunch, read a bit... and then it was time to start cooking the food for next week. There goes another Sunday. I had hoped I might manage to get myself together enough to put some clothes on and go for a walk, since the weather was really nice for once... but somehow that didn't happen. And by the time I finished cooking, it was getting dark already. *sigh*



I was on overtime this week, so yesterday felt like a sixth regular weekday - and maybe that's why I just crashed this morning, lol. I mean, I only went to work for four hours - but then I spent another two hours or so waiting at a mechanic's to get my windshield wiper fixed (a windshield wiper that refuses to move may be a minor thing, but it needed fixing ASAP, because in a rainy place like Chicago you can't drive around wiper-less for too long), and after that I still had to go buy groceries (I was out of milk, and I refuse to skip my morning bowl of cereal, so it couldn't wait ;). So after I dragged my countless shopping bags upstairs last night, I was pretty much wiped out. I just dropped into my papasan chair with a heating pad under my aching spine and watched Appaloosa - and then went to bed. I thought I would be okay after a good 7-8 hour sleep... but I wasn't. Am I getting old or what?...

I will probably work next Saturday too - unless the boss cancels it at the last minute again, like she did a few weeks ago. I could refuse, of course, say I couldn't come for whatever reason - they can't force you to do overtime, after all. But it's extra money, however little of it, and I know I can use every penny, so I'll just keep slaving away with a bright (if slightly forced, lol) smile on my face.:P Happy to have a job that actually NEEDS me, more than 40 hours a week (and pays for overtime at the 1,5 rate). Even if somewhere deep down I am dog-tired of this sordid existence. Not even so much physically as mentally - tired of watching each day/week/month whizz by without ever managing to do anything outside of the basic earn-my-keep-and-stay-relatively-healthy-in-the-process routine. Even the time I spend scribbling in here feels stolen, because, well... perhaps I should be exercising instead. But denying myself even this little selfish indulgence would just totally depress me. Letting this stuff out every once in a while is like breathing to me - I can't find the time to do it for a week or so, and I'm starting to choke. Metaphorically, of course, but yeah. Words choke me if I don't spit them out - however mundane or insignificant the topic may seem. I used to do it mostly through emails to my closest friends, dumping my petty complaints on one person at a time. Now that I have this LJ, I can just say it all here, once and for good, without feeling guilty about forcing someone to read it - because no-one has to, after all. Comments are welcome, but not obligatory. Anyone who cares what's up with me can read it here without feeling obliged to offer some insightful responses or customary platitudes. That's what I like most about LJ, I suppose - the freedom to be as mentally exhibitionistic as I want, without the unease of shoving my stream of consciousness at someone in particular, who just might happen to be at a loss what to say to it. And vice versa - the freedom to read other people's highly personal/silly/whingy etc. posts without feeling like I SHOULD respond to them in any way. I CAN if I do have something to say, or just happen to be in a chatty mood - but it's not like someone is going to be offended if I don't. So it's a stress-free zone, in a way. Even if being here causes me to fall further behind on emails to those precious few with whom I still keep in touch through this means alone...

Comments

[dissonant-dream.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I have been getting sick for a week, but just getting sick, like getting a cold but not having one, and it's left me feeling really exhausted and really weird. I either want to be sick or not be sick, not in this weird place in between. But anyway, yes. I suddenly realise a day's gone by and I haven't accomplished what I planned to and that pretty much sucks.

I love when I can work extra hours (I'm doing it at the moment) but yes, a six day work week wipes me out. I am not built for this life ;)

Not even so much physically as mentally - tired of watching each day/week/month whizz by without ever managing to do anything outside of the basic earn-my-keep-and-stay-relatively-healthy-in-the-process routine

YES. That's it exactly.

Also, I like your thoughts on LJ. I think that's a really good attitude to have. /random

*more hugs* just because.

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

I have been getting sick for a week, but just getting sick, like getting a cold but not having one

Ooh, that's disgusting. *pets you* I'd rather just get sick already and be done with it, lol.

Also, I like your thoughts on LJ. I think that's a really good attitude to have.

Yeah. At first it felt really weird to have an online journal that anyone can access... but after some time I realized that only those who know me - or want to get to know me - would bother reading it anyway. And it feels like less of a waste of time than just scribbling away in a secret notebook hidden in a drawer.:P

[dissonant-dream.livejournal.com]

Me too. But two people have now asked me if I have allergies. I've never had allergies, but maybe I've spontaneously developed them and that would explain it. Stupid.

I like that we have the option to f-lock. But most of all I like that we find each other here, like minded people, and we become real friends. ♥ I definitely don't think it's a waste of time. I think it's a really good place to talk things out, whatever those things may be. :)

*hugs*

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

I've never had allergies, but maybe I've spontaneously developed them and that would explain it

That could be it. Allergies do just descend on you with no warning whatsoever (I had none for most of my life - then, about ten years ago, they just exploded with a vengence... lol).

But most of all I like that we find each other here, like minded people, and we become real friends.

Yes, that's my favorite part as well.:) <3

I think it's a really good place to talk things out, whatever those things may be.

That too.:)

[stormatdusk.livejournal.com]

re: needing the extra sleep. you might be fighting off a bug. everything's going around up here.

still, i know what you mean; sometimes it feels as if i'm always making that excuse for myself. it can be so hard to get off the treadmill of everyday necessities and do something extra, just for oneself, for one's soul.

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

you might be fighting off a bug

Geez, I hope not. I felt suspiciously warm and agitated this morning, as though I might be running a slight fever. It's mostly gone now, though. *crosses fingers and wills it away*

it can be so hard to get off the treadmill of everyday necessities and do something extra

It just isn't fair that most people have to be ON the treadmill in the first place, you know?... That it takes most of our time just to make ends meet. Just because someone invented money and put a price on almost everything, except for the air we breathe. I totally believe that money is the root of all evil. But I'm not going to get all preachy on you now - sadly, no time for that.;) *sigh*

[akashaelfwitch.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

You are having a very rough week, Im so sorry.

Akasha ^V^

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

It's been worse, lol. I just feel like life is too much for me sometimes... *sigh*

*hugs back*