blink, blink - vacation over

[floatingleaf]

Back to work tomorrow. I can't believe it's been 10 days. It went so fast. And I haven't really done much of anything. At least not much of what I could boast of to my coworkers, in case they ask (which they will). I did go for a long walk around the neighborhood. Once. I took a little trip downtown with a friend who had free tickets for the Museum of Contemporary Art (not much of interest for me there, as it turned out - but it was free, and at least I know I don't ever need to go again, lol). We had lunch at Panera Bread afterwards (which used to be one of my favorite haunts when I could still afford eating out on a daily basis), then walked around for the rest of the afternoon, checking out the Millenium Park (which I don't think I'd ever been inside of before) and the new paved walkway by the river, with fancy railings and benches and fountains etc. Looks like the city of Chicago is getting all decked out in preparation for the 2016 Olympics, lol. Anyway - that was the only halfway-touristy thing I did during this vacation. I also visited another friend for dinner and a movie. Once. I dyed my hair (the same fiery red as before, since it seemed to be a huge success the first time around, lol). I went grocery shopping - three times - and tried out two new recipes (egg-drop soup, which didn't turn out too exciting; and a fancy chicken salad inspired by our company lunch at that bowling place back in August, which, I am happy to report, was much better). I spent a day in bed due to the 'monthly inconvenience', and another day just lazing about at home for the same reason. I watched two new films from Netflix (in addition to some old Viggo stuff, just because). I cleaned the apartment. I wrote some emails. I made a few phone calls. I read some slash, obviously, and a good portion of Dune by Frank Herbert (which I swiped from my sister's bookshelf some time ago). And that's pretty much it - if you disregard the time spent fuming, angsting and feeling my brainwheels overheat in regard to THE PLAN (vide previous post). Not a whole lot to have accomplished in ten days, I suppose. At least not according to most people. I know some who do as much in a single weekend (minus the 'stay in bed' or 'laze about' parts, of course).


Yet, it seemed to me like I was busy - most of the time, anyway. Or, at least, as busy as I can be without feeling rushed or uncomfortable. Which was sort of the point. And which probably tells you something about the natural, preferred tempo of my existence. There must be an ethnic horoscope somewhere, according to which I am a Turtle.:D Or a Snail, perhaps, since they also like to hide inside their shells. Btw, I experienced a strange moment of realization when the friend I visited last weekend said something to the effect of: "You should come over more often. After all, how much fun can it possibly be to stay home alone?" It was a rhetorical question, of course. She wasn't expecting an answer, so I didn't give one. But if I were to give one, in all honesty and with a hand over my heart, I would have to say: "What can possibly be MORE fun then staying home alone???" Don't get me wrong - I love hanging out with my friends. At least the ones I really care about. It's always a good time, no matter what we're doing. ALMOST as good as being by myself. Almost, but not quite. I'm not sure if it was always that way, or only in recent years - but this is the way it is now. And I won't be surprised if this is the way it remains from now on. That would be fortunate for me, at any rate, since I am not likely to be spending much time with anyone other than myself in the forseeable future. I just wish more people would sort of GET it and stop giving me those pitying looks of the "OMG she must be sooooo lonely" variety. It makes me feel like some sort of a freak... like when my mother first left for the States back when I was 15, and everyone - teachers, relatives, my parents' acquaintances etc. - was all over me with their compassionate "Oh poor girl, you must be so sad with your mum so far away" - and I just didn't know what to say to them, because the truth was, after she left, I suddenly realized I could BREATHE, instead of feeling tense and crowded and uncomfortable all the time. The RELIEF I felt was so immense I wanted to shout it from the roofs - and yet I played the sad, abandoned little girl for everyone's benefit, just so they wouldn't realize what a horrible freak I was. And, to a much lesser extent, I still do it today - by finding various excuses for not wanting to visit/go out etc., instead of telling people the simple truth: "Because I know I'll have infinitely more fun if I just stay home". Too often, the truth is the least believable answer of all. *ponders*

*sneaks off, humming Leave me alone, I'm a freak under her breath* (it's a song by Cruxshadows, and my official hymn these days, lol)

Comments

[romi.livejournal.com]

Lovely to read your post. Hugs.

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

Thanks.:)

And how are you, lady? Newly married, I suppose?...;) *hugs back*