creative impotence, as it were

[floatingleaf]

More postcards from dissonant_dream!!! I received two this week: a beautiful poetry quote by Dylan Thomas and a fiery sunset over Vancouver. Thank you so much, dear. I hope you're holding up against the stormy waves of life. *massive hugs*

I really want to write more A/L and/or Elladan/Elrohir, and there are bits and pieces of dialogue floating around in my head... but I can't seem to find the focus and concentration needed to write them down or give them some semblance of structure. I just totally suck at structure, lol. My brain is like a hat with a ton of little scraps of paper thrown into it, each one containing 1-2 sentences at best. I can write you a perfect sentence any day - but how do I connect all these sentences to one another, so that they make a story?... This is where the FAIL factor comes in for me. There seems to be no logical connection between all the little scenes/images in my brain. Not even enough of a logical connection to piece together a drabble.:/

How do people write multi-chapter stories?... Or novels, for that matter? I've always wanted to write a novel - ever since I was a kid. Not that I ever had a concept for a novel, mind you. I just loved the ACT of writing, of putting together sentences, polishing them, making them sound good, picking and choosing words that go well with each other... Content was always kind of secondary to me, lol. Whenever I thought I had an idea, I was only able to sustain it for a few pages at best... then my inspiration ran dry and I had to start over. The one thing that seemed easier was poetry - and traditional poetry worked best, because the structure of a stanza seemed to dictate the content in a way. I wrote a long "epic" poem as a teenager (17 chapters), with perfectly even syllable count and AABBCC etc. rhymes throughout. I still have it. It's pretty awful.:) I mean, the story is awful (het romance, heartbreak and suicide, because I didn't know any better back then ;P), and the rhymes are cheap, but my point is, I was actually able to complete it, because I looked for words that rhymed with the ending of the previous line and went from there. I'm all about words. I get high on words, lol. I can pore over a dictionary with a flush of excitement on my cheeks - but when it comes to plot ideas, I feel so utterly helpless it's not even funny anymore. Yes, I want my characters to feel intense, immediate attraction and then fall in love - but when it comes to the particulars, I feel like everything I can possibly come up with has been done to death, fanfic realm or not. Of course, I could just stick to reading other people's stuff - which is what I do, most of the time. But still, the urge to write is sometimes terribly strong - and, when not accompanied by any actual inspiration, almost painful. It feels like some kind of disability; especially when I'm reading a good, plotty fanfic that could use a beta on the language side. I bite my lip and go: shit, if only I had that plot idea, I could execute it so much better! I mean, I could actually spell all those words right, get rid of the useless repetitions, prevent the character from changing his eye color from one paragraph to the next etc.;) But the sad part it, it wasn't my plot idea, and all my superb language skills aren't enough to create a story - while someone else's imagination, even coupled with spelling errors, IS enough. See what I mean?... You can improve the style when you have content - if there's no content in the first place, there's nothing to improve. Just this endless frustration. If only...

The funny part is, I didn't even mean to talk about this today. A spontaneous rant, yay! ;P I may not be able to write fanfic anymore, but I at least I can write about my inability to write fanfic.:|

Comments

[vamp-ress.livejournal.com]

I can relate... my muses are still MIA as well. I did come up with some V/O ideas during the last two weeks, but now I don't have time to sit down and see whether I can write them. It's very frustrating:(

[surreysmum.livejournal.com]

Actually, it sounds to me as if a prompt table might work for you! Why don't you grab one and then, with no fixed deadline, just every time you have an idea, match it up with one of the prompt words, and write a ficlet and post it. There's no particular reason they should be related, except perhaps you could make them all L/A or E/E. You could set yourself a technical challenge (give yourself a minimum word count, perhaps, or have one particular phrase or image you use or make reference to in each story). And that way you'd be posting, getting feedback and encouragement, and easing the ache!

I'd love to see more fic from you!

[taelyn-sass.livejournal.com]

Surreymum's suggestion is good. A prompt table will help you get on track. Good luck!!!

[dissonant-dream.livejournal.com]

I like this post. :D First up, yay postcards! ♥ Glad you're still enjoying them. And writing. I hope you find your focus. My muses have gone into hiding. Far, far away. In Yemen. I just...I really relate to this post. ♥ *hugs*