Happy New Year?... Yeah. Whatever.
Jan. 1st, 2010 08:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
floatingleafWell, here's hoping that New Year's Day's mood/activity etc. isn't necessarily indicative of the entire year to come. That would be pretty sad and frustrating in my case, I have to admit.
I've been rather out of sorts since this morning, knowing that I have to go to my parents' house again to return my dad's car, and that once I'm there, my parents will try to talk me into staying with them as long as possible. I even devised a convenient little story about meeting a friend later this evening to go the movies - so that my mom would know right away she has to drive me back home by 7 or 8 p.m., instead of suggesting (as usual) that I stay overnight. I just wanted to get this car business out of the way during the day and then have the evening (and the rest of the weekend, until Sunday night, when I have to go there again) to myself. Alas, when I called my parents this afternoon, I kept getting the busy signal. I must have called about 15 times between 2-4 p.m. or so - to no avail. I started to worry, because how long can one possibly stay on the phone to wish their relatives a happy New Year?... Finally, around 5 p.m., they called me back. As it turns out, my mom talked to her sister this morning, and she didn't put the receiver back in the cradle properly after she was done, so the line remained busy for the next several hours. While they both obviously wondered why I wasn't calling them. *eyeroll* So, anyway... my dad says, can you still come tonight, because mom works tomorrow and won't be able to drive you back home then? So I say, sure, let me get dressed and I'll be there in less than two hours. Great, says dad, just give us another call once you've started the car, so we know it's still running (it's been parked outside in the freezing weather for the past few days, after all). So I get dressed, go downstairs, start the car, remove frozen snow from the windows, get settled behind the wheel and then call them again to say I'm on my way. And guess what? My mom changed her mind. She doesn't want to drive me back tonight in the cold and dark. Why don't I just stay overnight? I take a deep breath to calm myself and say, sure, but... doesn't she work tomorrow? Oh yes, she does, but she could drive me back in the late afternoon. Okaaay... so why don't I just come tomorrow afternoon, if she CAN take me back home then after all? Oh, okay. Let's do that. So I get out of the car again and walk back home, still shaking with the effort of keeping my irritation well out of my voice while I was talking to them.
I probably sound like a classic prodigal daughter - and maybe that's what I am - but I just can't help myself. I HATE changing my plans at the last minute. It totally puts me out of my groove, and often makes me so upset I feel like crying. So does spending long hours at my parents' place, with nothing to do but watch depressingly stupid soaps on the Polish channel. I've had quite enough of that during Christmas time, thank you very much. Now I need a break. A LONG one, if possible. There is a reason I don't own a TV set. Watching this vapid crap really bores me to tears and totally ruins my mood - which is something my mother can't even begin to understand. Though she would probably feel the same way if someone told her to amuse herself by spending long hours in front of a computer... lol. Anyway... I was really looking forward to getting this 'car return trip' done and over with today, and I haven't really done anything all day (other than checking email/flist and reading some articles on AlterNet.org), because I didn't want to get started on something I wouldn't like to be interrupted doing (like cleaning the place, cooking, catching up on my emails, writing etc.). I just kept trying to call my parents and getting more and more frustrated by the minute - and then, when they finally called me back, I thought, YES, thank God, I can STILL get this done by tonight, so maybe the day isn't all wasted after all... only to find out that no, it's not over with, and I only narrowly escaped spending another entire day & night over there, just moping around dejectedly and not doing ANY of those things I had planned on doing this weekend. Not to mention that Sunday night is already reserved for that purpose anyway. Don't get me wrong - I don't resent having to drive my dad to see the doctor on Monday morning. It's important and I'm glad I can help with that. But WHY ON EARTH would I do ANOTHER sleepover on the same weekend, right after the extended one I did on Christmas weekend, when I'm not needed for anything specific and I could catch up on LOADS of internet stuff instead?... WHY??? My mother won't even BE there tomorrow morning, and my dad sleeps till noon anyway. So it's not like I would be spending a hell of a lot of time with them - I would just be spending a hell of a lot of time AWAY from everything I enjoy. Of course, I can't tell them that. I have to invent some other mundane and plausible reason/excuse for not staying as long as they want me to - which would be all the time, basically. And yes, I do feel like a heartless bitch when I do that - but, on the other hand, when my dad said "why don't you just stay overnight", I had to really work hard on controlling myself so I didn't burst into tears of frustration right there and then. It's different when I plan ahead on staying, like I always do for Christmas - I am mentally prepared for it then, so it's OK. But tonight I definitely WASN'T planning on it - and feeling like I was being 'tricked' into it almost made me want to scream, WHAT?!?!? HAVE I DONE SOMETHING TO DESERVE THIS??? IT WAS MOM WHO MESSED UP THE DAMN PHONE SO I COULDN'T CALL EARLIER, OKAY?!?... Of course, I did nothing of the sort. I never raise my voice when talking to my parents. I am far too guilt-tripped about feeling the way I do to ever let them know the full extent of it. Which is precisely what makes it difficult for me to be open with them about any other personal topic either.
See now why I don't want to live with them, even if it would save me oodles of money?... Whenever mom mentions that, I hide behind the stark fact that I would have to drive over 30 miles to work each day. And that would suck, sure enough - but it's not the real reason I'm not moving back in with them unless I absolutely have to. It never was.
Sorry to inflict such a depressing post on my flist on New Year's Day. I just needed to get it off my chest, so I can actually relax and maybe do something productive with the rest of the evening after all. I had meant to post about something else, and maybe I will later, if time permits - which it might not, seeing as this supposedly 'long' weekend is sort of screwed anyway.:/
I've been rather out of sorts since this morning, knowing that I have to go to my parents' house again to return my dad's car, and that once I'm there, my parents will try to talk me into staying with them as long as possible. I even devised a convenient little story about meeting a friend later this evening to go the movies - so that my mom would know right away she has to drive me back home by 7 or 8 p.m., instead of suggesting (as usual) that I stay overnight. I just wanted to get this car business out of the way during the day and then have the evening (and the rest of the weekend, until Sunday night, when I have to go there again) to myself. Alas, when I called my parents this afternoon, I kept getting the busy signal. I must have called about 15 times between 2-4 p.m. or so - to no avail. I started to worry, because how long can one possibly stay on the phone to wish their relatives a happy New Year?... Finally, around 5 p.m., they called me back. As it turns out, my mom talked to her sister this morning, and she didn't put the receiver back in the cradle properly after she was done, so the line remained busy for the next several hours. While they both obviously wondered why I wasn't calling them. *eyeroll* So, anyway... my dad says, can you still come tonight, because mom works tomorrow and won't be able to drive you back home then? So I say, sure, let me get dressed and I'll be there in less than two hours. Great, says dad, just give us another call once you've started the car, so we know it's still running (it's been parked outside in the freezing weather for the past few days, after all). So I get dressed, go downstairs, start the car, remove frozen snow from the windows, get settled behind the wheel and then call them again to say I'm on my way. And guess what? My mom changed her mind. She doesn't want to drive me back tonight in the cold and dark. Why don't I just stay overnight? I take a deep breath to calm myself and say, sure, but... doesn't she work tomorrow? Oh yes, she does, but she could drive me back in the late afternoon. Okaaay... so why don't I just come tomorrow afternoon, if she CAN take me back home then after all? Oh, okay. Let's do that. So I get out of the car again and walk back home, still shaking with the effort of keeping my irritation well out of my voice while I was talking to them.
I probably sound like a classic prodigal daughter - and maybe that's what I am - but I just can't help myself. I HATE changing my plans at the last minute. It totally puts me out of my groove, and often makes me so upset I feel like crying. So does spending long hours at my parents' place, with nothing to do but watch depressingly stupid soaps on the Polish channel. I've had quite enough of that during Christmas time, thank you very much. Now I need a break. A LONG one, if possible. There is a reason I don't own a TV set. Watching this vapid crap really bores me to tears and totally ruins my mood - which is something my mother can't even begin to understand. Though she would probably feel the same way if someone told her to amuse herself by spending long hours in front of a computer... lol. Anyway... I was really looking forward to getting this 'car return trip' done and over with today, and I haven't really done anything all day (other than checking email/flist and reading some articles on AlterNet.org), because I didn't want to get started on something I wouldn't like to be interrupted doing (like cleaning the place, cooking, catching up on my emails, writing etc.). I just kept trying to call my parents and getting more and more frustrated by the minute - and then, when they finally called me back, I thought, YES, thank God, I can STILL get this done by tonight, so maybe the day isn't all wasted after all... only to find out that no, it's not over with, and I only narrowly escaped spending another entire day & night over there, just moping around dejectedly and not doing ANY of those things I had planned on doing this weekend. Not to mention that Sunday night is already reserved for that purpose anyway. Don't get me wrong - I don't resent having to drive my dad to see the doctor on Monday morning. It's important and I'm glad I can help with that. But WHY ON EARTH would I do ANOTHER sleepover on the same weekend, right after the extended one I did on Christmas weekend, when I'm not needed for anything specific and I could catch up on LOADS of internet stuff instead?... WHY??? My mother won't even BE there tomorrow morning, and my dad sleeps till noon anyway. So it's not like I would be spending a hell of a lot of time with them - I would just be spending a hell of a lot of time AWAY from everything I enjoy. Of course, I can't tell them that. I have to invent some other mundane and plausible reason/excuse for not staying as long as they want me to - which would be all the time, basically. And yes, I do feel like a heartless bitch when I do that - but, on the other hand, when my dad said "why don't you just stay overnight", I had to really work hard on controlling myself so I didn't burst into tears of frustration right there and then. It's different when I plan ahead on staying, like I always do for Christmas - I am mentally prepared for it then, so it's OK. But tonight I definitely WASN'T planning on it - and feeling like I was being 'tricked' into it almost made me want to scream, WHAT?!?!? HAVE I DONE SOMETHING TO DESERVE THIS??? IT WAS MOM WHO MESSED UP THE DAMN PHONE SO I COULDN'T CALL EARLIER, OKAY?!?... Of course, I did nothing of the sort. I never raise my voice when talking to my parents. I am far too guilt-tripped about feeling the way I do to ever let them know the full extent of it. Which is precisely what makes it difficult for me to be open with them about any other personal topic either.
See now why I don't want to live with them, even if it would save me oodles of money?... Whenever mom mentions that, I hide behind the stark fact that I would have to drive over 30 miles to work each day. And that would suck, sure enough - but it's not the real reason I'm not moving back in with them unless I absolutely have to. It never was.
Sorry to inflict such a depressing post on my flist on New Year's Day. I just needed to get it off my chest, so I can actually relax and maybe do something productive with the rest of the evening after all. I had meant to post about something else, and maybe I will later, if time permits - which it might not, seeing as this supposedly 'long' weekend is sort of screwed anyway.:/
