I never thought of it as strength, let alone being sexy... *stares at you and falls off chair to demonstrate* I'm just not good at hiding my emotions from people who matter - so at some point I simply decided to stop trying It´s ok to surrender I suppose. I do it all the fucking time really. Actually, I´m all for the openness. (nah! Who could tell?) Well, in the end it´s not like there is a prize to those who hides emotions..*generally throws self off cliff*
Now, if we're both doing it without even consciously attempting to do it - what does that say? Hmm.. could be anything from Emotional Ability versus Highspeed-connection across the oceans, just pure psychology or self-suggestion, or maybe some kind of channeling due to heavily pervyfied brains after years of slash-reading? Really, things like that happen – obviously without that we know of its reasons. Sometimes people clash? I don’t know you, you don´t know me. But we have a lot of thoughts in common and things to share, I think. I´m possibly very much in love with your brain/in lust with your fics/infatuated by your personality somehow, though I admit it sounds really weird but that´s what it is. I´m not stupid; I have no idea if I would “feel” anything in terms of attraction or deeper feelings should we ever meet - as that is, I guess, pure chemistry and can´t really be inflicted upon by the power of will as far as I know. And it´s not really important because the probability that our RL-paths will cross is pretty small and I don´t think it really matters one way or the other. Nonetheless it is possible to connect despite everything else and have an important exchange both spiritually/emotionally - and what the hell; even sexually, as seen in the slashtastic little heaven wherein we both find ourselves.
The probability of me developing an unhealthy fascination with someone seems to be directly DISproportionate to the person's actual "availability" Ok. I understand your fear. Maybe you can see what is your “lesson” (if you believe in such things) to learn in love, if you decipher the pattern. If there is one, only you´ll know it. (Unless there´s a total conspiracy somewhere..) =P When you say “unhealthy fascination”, what exactly does it mean to you? Because I don´t really see anything wrong with fascinations at all. We get attached to some people - or archetypes even – and of course it´s damn fascinating! Those want to teach us something, or they can be gifts given unaware or perhaps even given to ourselves from ourselves – meaning that we have drawn them to us because of some reason. (Yeah, I know that I can be awfully philosophic at times, but what else to do with thoughts except sharing them?)
So I've been kind of promising myself that next time, before I ever let the butterflies into my stomach, I will first make sure that there is an actual CHANCE of that situation leading SOMEWHERE It is easy making deals with oneself innit? LOL+omg!yay!butterflies =) But I do believe it´s possible to connect with people, whichever way that happens; be it 5 minutes or 20 years, but we can´t really avoid meeting certain souls on our way through life. So whatever this is, if there is a “this” - it´s really ok from my POV to just let it be what it is. A connection. We don´t need to make it into something else, though I don´t think we should ignore it either. What I´m saying is.. it´s ok, “this” – in fact it´s really fucking great. We just don´t need to give it any other name. Does it matter where it leads? Life doesn´t hold any guarantees. What is certain now is uncertain tomorrow and well, I guess that´s my view of life as it comes to me at 5 am. *snerk*
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Date: 2010-04-08 02:59 am (UTC)I'm just not good at hiding my emotions from people who matter - so at some point I simply decided to stop trying
It´s ok to surrender I suppose. I do it all the fucking time really. Actually, I´m all for the openness. (nah! Who could tell?) Well, in the end it´s not like there is a prize to those who hides emotions..*generally throws self off cliff*
Now, if we're both doing it without even consciously attempting to do it - what does that say?
Hmm.. could be anything from Emotional Ability versus Highspeed-connection across the oceans, just pure psychology or self-suggestion, or maybe some kind of channeling due to heavily pervyfied brains after years of slash-reading? Really, things like that happen – obviously without that we know of its reasons. Sometimes people clash?
I don’t know you, you don´t know me. But we have a lot of thoughts in common and things to share, I think.
I´m possibly very much in love with your brain/in lust with your fics/infatuated by your personality somehow, though I admit it sounds really weird but that´s what it is. I´m not stupid; I have no idea if I would “feel” anything in terms of attraction or deeper feelings should we ever meet - as that is, I guess, pure chemistry and can´t really be inflicted upon by the power of will as far as I know. And it´s not really important because the probability that our RL-paths will cross is pretty small and I don´t think it really matters one way or the other. Nonetheless it is possible to connect despite everything else and have an important exchange both spiritually/emotionally - and what the hell; even sexually, as seen in the slashtastic little heaven wherein we both find ourselves.
The probability of me developing an unhealthy fascination with someone seems to be directly DISproportionate to the person's actual "availability"
Ok. I understand your fear. Maybe you can see what is your “lesson” (if you believe in such things) to learn in love, if you decipher the pattern. If there is one, only you´ll know it. (Unless there´s a total conspiracy somewhere..) =P
When you say “unhealthy fascination”, what exactly does it mean to you? Because I don´t really see anything wrong with fascinations at all. We get attached to some people - or archetypes even – and of course it´s damn fascinating! Those want to teach us something, or they can be gifts given unaware or perhaps even given to ourselves from ourselves – meaning that we have drawn them to us because of some reason. (Yeah, I know that I can be awfully philosophic at times, but what else to do with thoughts except sharing them?)
So I've been kind of promising myself that next time, before I ever let the butterflies into my stomach, I will first make sure that there is an actual CHANCE of that situation leading SOMEWHERE
It is easy making deals with oneself innit? LOL+omg!yay!butterflies =)
But I do believe it´s possible to connect with people, whichever way that happens; be it 5 minutes or 20 years, but we can´t really avoid meeting certain souls on our way through life. So whatever this is, if there is a “this” - it´s really ok from my POV to just let it be what it is. A connection. We don´t need to make it into something else, though I don´t think we should ignore it either. What I´m saying is.. it´s ok, “this” – in fact it´s really fucking great. We just don´t need to give it any other name. Does it matter where it leads? Life doesn´t hold any guarantees. What is certain now is uncertain tomorrow and well, I guess that´s my view of life as it comes to me at 5 am. *snerk*