maybe some kind of channeling due to heavily pervyfied brains after years of slash-reading?
Now, that's an interesting theory...;P
I´m not stupid; I have no idea if I would “feel” anything in terms of attraction or deeper feelings should we ever meet - as that is, I guess, pure chemistry and can´t really be inflicted upon by the power of will as far as I know. And it´s not really important because the probability that our RL-paths will cross is pretty small and I don´t think it really matters one way or the other. Nonetheless it is possible to connect despite everything else and have an important exchange both spiritually/emotionally - and what the hell; even sexually, as seen in the slashtastic little heaven wherein we both find ourselves.
Yes. *breathes* You are right, of course. It doesn't really matter what would or wouldn't happen IF we ever met in RL, and puzzling over it is totally pointless right now. See, I have this tendency to make things appear more complicated than they really have to be. Must be my mother's genes or something, dammit.:P When something feels good, I have this uncanny ability to spoil it by wondering WHY it feels good, how long it's going to feel that way and if there is a price tag attached to it, LOL. I don't like this about myself, and I certainly don't want to inflict it on other people by spoiling THEIR fun as well.:( So please - if you ever catch me doing it again (inventing problems out of thin air, that is), just give me a gentle shake, OK?...;)
Maybe you can see what is your “lesson” (if you believe in such things) to learn in love, if you decipher the pattern. If there is one, only you´ll know it.
It's been suggested to me that I'm doing it on purpose - not consciously, of course, but intentionally nonetheless - because it's "safer" to love people from a distance. This may very well be true (and my numerous "celebrity crushes" also seem to confirm this). All the less reason to complain about the distance then, isn't it?... *sigh*
When you say “unhealthy fascination”, what exactly does it mean to you?
That's a good question, because I find I don't really know. I suppose I just used that word because I tend to get very self-deprecating when I am feeling vulnerable. You know, totally mocking myself before anyone else has a chance to do it. Your simple, logical question made me realize that I was doing it again, and that it's not facilitating the communication process... lol.
So whatever this is, if there is a “this” - it´s really ok from my POV to just let it be what it is. A connection. We don´t need to make it into something else, though I don´t think we should ignore it either. What I´m saying is.. it´s ok, “this” – in fact it´s really fucking great. We just don´t need to give it any other name. Does it matter where it leads? Life doesn´t hold any guarantees. What is certain now is uncertain tomorrow
Very true - but see, this is precisely why I have issues with life, lol. I WANT my guarantees, dammit.;) I tend to overthink everything all the time and run ahead of myself and... oh dear. This is where I usually scare people off, so The Time To Bolt Is Now.:D But seriously, you are absolutely right - it makes perfect sense to just "let it be what it is", and to simply enjoy it. Why hasn't that occurred to me?... *headdesk*
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Date: 2010-04-10 03:53 am (UTC)Now, that's an interesting theory...;P
I´m not stupid; I have no idea if I would “feel” anything in terms of attraction or deeper feelings should we ever meet - as that is, I guess, pure chemistry and can´t really be inflicted upon by the power of will as far as I know. And it´s not really important because the probability that our RL-paths will cross is pretty small and I don´t think it really matters one way or the other. Nonetheless it is possible to connect despite everything else and have an important exchange both spiritually/emotionally - and what the hell; even sexually, as seen in the slashtastic little heaven wherein we both find ourselves.
Yes. *breathes* You are right, of course. It doesn't really matter what would or wouldn't happen IF we ever met in RL, and puzzling over it is totally pointless right now. See, I have this tendency to make things appear more complicated than they really have to be. Must be my mother's genes or something, dammit.:P When something feels good, I have this uncanny ability to spoil it by wondering WHY it feels good, how long it's going to feel that way and if there is a price tag attached to it, LOL. I don't like this about myself, and I certainly don't want to inflict it on other people by spoiling THEIR fun as well.:( So please - if you ever catch me doing it again (inventing problems out of thin air, that is), just give me a gentle shake, OK?...;)
Maybe you can see what is your “lesson” (if you believe in such things) to learn in love, if you decipher the pattern. If there is one, only you´ll know it.
It's been suggested to me that I'm doing it on purpose - not consciously, of course, but intentionally nonetheless - because it's "safer" to love people from a distance. This may very well be true (and my numerous "celebrity crushes" also seem to confirm this). All the less reason to complain about the distance then, isn't it?... *sigh*
When you say “unhealthy fascination”, what exactly does it mean to you?
That's a good question, because I find I don't really know. I suppose I just used that word because I tend to get very self-deprecating when I am feeling vulnerable. You know, totally mocking myself before anyone else has a chance to do it. Your simple, logical question made me realize that I was doing it again, and that it's not facilitating the communication process... lol.
So whatever this is, if there is a “this” - it´s really ok from my POV to just let it be what it is. A connection. We don´t need to make it into something else, though I don´t think we should ignore it either. What I´m saying is.. it´s ok, “this” – in fact it´s really fucking great. We just don´t need to give it any other name. Does it matter where it leads? Life doesn´t hold any guarantees. What is certain now is uncertain tomorrow
Very true - but see, this is precisely why I have issues with life, lol. I WANT my guarantees, dammit.;) I tend to overthink everything all the time and run ahead of myself and... oh dear. This is where I usually scare people off, so The Time To Bolt Is Now.:D But seriously, you are absolutely right - it makes perfect sense to just "let it be what it is", and to simply enjoy it. Why hasn't that occurred to me?... *headdesk*