floatingleaf | Recent Entries

Finished reading Fool's Quest this morning. What do I do now??? I mean, I have several unread books at home in paper form, as well as several in mind that I've been meaning to download... but right now, I don't want any of them. I want THIS ONE. Or rather, the next one in the series - which isn't coming out until next summer. And OF COURSE, this one ends on a cliffhanger. ARRRRRGHHHHHWHYYYYYY???... How do I deal???

tindomerel, I need a hug. *sniff* ;)

Also, it's definitely fall now. I went out yesterday without a jacket - then ended up buying one, because it got really cold as the sun went down, and I was a long bus ride away from home. In my defense, it's a really plain and versatile (as well as inexpensive) black fleece jacket that can be worn indoors as well as outdoors, and I'm sure I'll get some use out of it. While I was at it, I also bought two nice sweaters and... a summer skirt, which was on clearance. No, I didn't need another summer skirt. Especially now. But... it was purple (in a nice geometric pattern of black, white & purple, to be precise), and it called my name. Also, it goes perfectly well with my new purple sweater - so I might even wear it with warm tights and boots and jacket, if I really can't wait.:P

I hope the heating in my building will be turned on soon. I don't have a thermometer at home, but my coconut oil has solidified - which means it must be at least as cold in here as it is inside a grocery store.:D Which is slightly below my comfort level. *shivers*

( Nothing much happened otherwise. )

Current Mood: cold

Not much to report regarding the past few days... except the fact I seem to have done some damage to my right hand as a result of too much scrolling.:/ You know, going through pages of job ads on a daily basis etc. Well, if I am to be totally honest, I've been doing even more scrolling in the evenings, while going through Tumblr.;) The thing is, other sites I frequent (like LJ, for example) have mostly text content with occasional images - so you go down the page relatively slowly. Tumblr, on the other hand, contains mostly images with occasional text - so you pretty much keep scrolling all the time. And, as I have just found out, repeatedly making that tiny, specific motion with your middle finger (*LOL*) over extended periods of time can result in some swelling/inflammation at the base of said finger.:( Typing doesn't exactly make it worse... but it doesn't help either. So I may keep my entries here brief for a while as I try to give my hand time to recover. (And yes, I've taken a break from Tumblr, NOT from perusing job ads - because I am a motherfucking ADULT, dammmit. *sulks proudly for a few minutes* ;)

I also seem to have added three new people to my friends list as a result of a "friendzy" promoted by

meathiel. It was totally unplanned - I hardly ever participate in those things - but seeing as my flist consists mostly of abandoned journals I can't make myself remove "in case those people ever come back", perhaps it wasn't such a bad idea.:) After all, reading people's journals is my favorite way of socializing (not even kidding here, though you may perhaps wish I was...:P). So... hello. Welcome to my strange little corner of teh interwebz.;) My life is very much in flux at the moment, and I devote a lot of attention to various ways of dealing with the uncertainty of change (my growing interest in holistic healing and spirituality seems to be a huge part of that).

In other news, autumn has arrived - and I'm not sure how I feel about that. On one hand, saying goodbye to the latest tropical heatwave is a relief; but on the other, the end of summer always feels kind of melancholy to me. It's the Seasonal Affective Disorder - SAD for short (same as Standard American Diet, which is even sadder, if you think about it). In addition, I might soon need to shop for some new clothes & shoes - though it is rather uncertain whether I can actually afford them, without another cash infusion from my parents. Which is also kind of sad, for other reasons.

I will stop rambling now. I promise I can talk about interesting stuff sometimes. Other times, though, I prefer to read what other people have to say.:P And so, good night.

Current Mood: sore

The heatwave continues. The temperature inside my apartment is more or less tolerable in the wee hours of the morning... but otherwise, I feel half-roasted alive. Especially in the evening, as the sun goes down outside my windows and the hot air rises from the ground. This, of course, makes me very lazy. Some small part of me seems to think I should be feeling guilty about this lack of productivity... but I am too lethargic to care. I will be productive when I am able to put on some clothes without feeling them stick to my body. Ugh. I went out for groceries today, and made a salad. That pretty much used up my energy quota. If the temperature stays the same tomorrow (which is very likely), I'll be lying flat on my back, reading or listening to music. The world can wait...:P

Btw, so far I have experienced absolutely no pain or swelling after my wisdom tooth extraction. So I'm assuming everything's fine, and no longer taking the antibiotic. According to my Google search, prescribing antibiotics after oral surgery used to be common practice - but it was actually discontinued a few years ago. Apparently now it is only recommended in case of infection, or for people with severe health conditions, after major surgeries etc. In a generally healthy person, it can actually do more harm then good (no surprise, since it indiscriminately kills ALL the bacteria in your gut - including the ones you need for your immune system to function). So to hell with it.

Like I said, there has been no pain - but I have another little problem. I keep accidentally biting on the inside of my left cheek while I eat. Because of the huge empty space where a tooth used to be, the cheek just keeps getting sucked in and bitten. Which is terribly annoying. So I have taken to holding the skin away from my teeth while I eat - which I'm sure would look utterly ridiculous if anyone could see me do it. But nobody can, so it's all good.:P

Also, I seem to have effortlessly achieved my "ideal weight" - the magic number I used to strive for while I was doing WeightWatchers in 2007. ( Read more... )

Current Mood: calm

I still find it difficult to make regular updates here. I'm not sure why. I seem to have lost any interest in recounting the mundane details of everyday life. And what I actually WANT to talk about still seems a bit of a departure, a potential "WTF factor" for some of my regular readers. Perhaps it would be more appropriate to start another blog somewhere... But I just can't be bothered setting up one more online journal from scratch, when this one has served me so well for so long. After all, I'm not forcing anyone to hang on and keep reading if they no longer see the point. Seriously - I promise not to interpret any hypothetical "defriendings" as a personal offense.:)

The thing is, my whole concept of who I am seems to be very much in flux, and I am entirely unsure who (or what) will emerge out of the chaos in the end. Hopefully, someone much less dysfunctional... but that remains to be seen. All I know right now is that I am very much absorbed in these changes, and that, quite possibly, talking about them in great detail could be intolerably boring to everybody else.:) In which case, please kindly take that as a disclaimer.:P

Anyway... I just went through a mini crash-course in cognitive psychology, and was introduced to the concept of "reprogramming" your subconscious, so that it stops replaying the same old tape it's been running ever since you were a kid. You know, the perpetually self-rewinding tape that tells you how much you suck, how little choice you have about certain things in life, how people only like you until they get to know you REALLY well, and then they run screaming... all that crap. You may objectively KNOW, on an intellectual level, that none of this is actually true... but deep down inside, that tape is still running, and dictating most of your behavior (at least the kinds of behavior that tend to run on autopilot). ( Read more... )

Current Mood: weird

This is just a FYI post. I have a new favorite singer. Wendy Rule. She's from Australia, and her music is simply magical. To quote her official website: Wild, passionate and empowering, Australian Visionary Songstress Wendy Rule, weaves together music, story and ritual to take her audience on an otherworldly journey of depth and passion. Drawing on her deep love of Nature and lifelong fascination with the worlds of mythology and Magic, Wendy’s songs combine irresistible melodies with rich aural textures and a rare personal honesty to create spiritual music. For once, this marketing blurb actually doesn't exaggerate.:) Here's a sample:

Just listen to THAT VOICE. It's fucking intoxicating. And some of her songs truly are a religious experience. She has a whole album titled Meditations on the Four Elements, which consists of precisely that: deeply calming, atmospheric soundtracks for the contemplation of air, fire, water and earth. Funny I should discover that just as I am beginning to explore my own interest in meditation and pagan spirituality. I wasn't necessarily looking for a guru or priestess... but it looks like I might have found one anyway.:P

Current Mood: enthralled
Current Music: Wendy Rule

Apparently, it's been almost two weeks since my last update. At least that's what the calendar seems to indicate.:) I'm not sure I agree with it, but whatever. It's all a matter of perception. And perception is a huge topic for me these days.

What has kept me so busy over the past two/three weeks, other than the job search, has been following several "virtual events" I had signed up for, which consisted of interviews with various activists and experts on a variety of matters ranging from health and nutrition to spiritual growth and the environmental impact of our modern civilization. I have been listening to scientists, certified nutritionists, medical practitioners, psychiatrists, herbalists, Buddhist monks, indigenous energy healers, innovators, visionaries and people who fall under several of the above categories all at the same time. I have learned SO MUCH. It's almost an information overload - or rather an "insight overload", if that's possible. I would have preferred to spread it out more over time - but the thing with those online events is that they usually consist of a whole bunch of material that's only available for free on a very limited basis. For example, there are about 10 interviews you can watch during a 24-hour period - and if each one lasts about an hour or so... well, you do the math. Of course, you can "purchase" the entire conference, to have access to those audio or video files forever - but unless you're willing to spend a few hundred bucks, you'd better make time to listen to whatever interests you most while it's free. Which is what I did. Btw, I wouldn't have been able to catch half of that stuff if I were spending most of each day at work. Which is, perhaps, another sign that the layoff happened for a reason. Or that the timing of it wasn't accidental in the big scheme of things. Actually, if you believe some of the abovementioned esteemed speakers, nothing is ever accidental.:)

Speaking of which... I have almost finished reading Robin Hobb's Tawny Man trilogy - and it just so happens that while I was listening to all those talks on spiritual growth and development, I was also following a profoundly symbolic "hero's journey" which deals with precisely that, among other things. Coincidence? I think not. It really gives you the shivers when you see a character you love, and identify with to a large extent, undergoing a deep transformation at the same time that you think YOU might be undergoing SOME sort of transformation. But I don't even want to get started on that. It's too huge. I could spend a week explaining in great detail how incredibly awesome and meaningful those books are to me... and I can only think of one person who would care to read it. So perhaps it's better to save that for my next letter to that person.:) (In other words:

tindomerel, brace yourself!... LOL.)

On a more mundane plane of existence, the dietary changes I've been making over the past few weeks have produced one unexpected result: my hay fever is as good as gone. ( Read more... )

Current Mood: thankful

OK, first of all, I am an idiot. Yes, the monthly premium for my health insurance plan is ca $390, but I am actually paying ca $240, because I get a government subsidy due to my present low income. That was the whole point of that insurance agent guy getting on the phone with me and talking me through the application. I just didn't catch onto it until I got the actual invoice. See, I need to have things down in writing before they can start to make any sort of sense.:P

Second of all, I feel so incredibly busy with all the stuff rattling around in my brain that I can even begin to formulate a proper update. I don't really feel like talking about the job search... but all the other topics relevant to my current state of mind seem to require too much introduction, and I can't find the time and focus required to deal with them here. As usual, I either fail at having a life, or at representing it reliably in this journal. Or both. Whatever.

Maybe I no longer NEED an online journal, and only keep trying to update it out of long-term habit?... Or maybe I only need it to vent about the tough or frustrating aspects of life... which probably makes people who read it see me as a negative person. But I am not (most of the time). I just don't usually feel the urge to write about positive things. Because writing about them doesn't fulfill any therapeutic function. As someone cleverly put it in a song, "Happy people have no stories". When I am deeply absorbed in something beneficial or fulfilling, it seems pointless to dissect it in an LJ post. If that makes sense. Anyway... it's getting late, and clearly I am not actually going to say anything worthwhile, so I might just as well shut up. *shrug*

Current Mood: busy

Remember how I went to see my dentist about 3 months ago, and he said to come back later, when that old crown I wanted to remove has loosened a little more, so it will be easier to take it out?... Well, it wasn't feeling any different than before, so I didn't want to make another appointment, only to be told to "come back later" again. And it didn't really bother me much, as long as I remembered to favor the other side of my mouth while I ate. However, last Friday, after my meeting with the career coach, I had lunch at this fancy organic place right by her office, and I picked a very crunchy salad, with lots of crispy fresh greens and nuts in it. And I totally forgot to be careful with that sore tooth. ( Read more... )

Current Mood: sore

Again, I very much wanted to post tonight, but I lack the focus required to string sentences together. My brain is busy processing all the information it has absorbed over the past few weeks. I feel like my perspective is shifting on a number of topics, and there is no way I can possibly condense that into a single post or five... but on the other hand, posting about mundane everyday things instead holds no attraction whatsoever. So I've been mostly sitting here this evening, staring at this blank screen and thoughtfully chewing on my lower lip.:P And downloading music - which doesn't require nearly as much mental engagement as trying to formulate your thoughts. Maybe I need a break from my thoughts, anyway. I need to learn how to put those churning little brainwheels in resting mode every once in a while. I feel overheated - like a computer running too many programs at once. A few years ago, I made some feeble attempts to teach myself how to meditate... then gave it up, because it seemed like I had no way no know whether I was "doing it right", and it just felt pointless, somehow. But perhaps I was overthinking it, like I do everything else, and letting my own exacting perfectionism get in the way. Perhaps I need to try again, and just be more patient. I need to stop self-sabotaging at every turn. The good thing is that nowadays I tend to catch myself when I do it - far more frequently than I used to when I was younger. I just need to stop beating myself up about it when I notice, too. *sigh* Being a kind and forgiving person starts with oneself. There's no moving forward otherwise. I know I've said it before, but apparently I need frequent reminders. Perhaps it will sink in one day... ;)

Current Mood: contemplative

Okay. Let me attempt an update. I still don't know where to start, but I'm going to start anyway. Please bear with me if I'm not making much sense.:)

I feel I have reached a sort of turning point in my life... a deciding phase during which I am ready and willing to make some lasting changes. Now, this is big, because generally I tend to have a rather negative reaction to changes. Something along the lines of a cat's reaction to a hedgehog.:P But every once in a while, there comes a moment where some thoughts/beliefs that had been percolating under the surface come into alignment and prompt me to take action. Whenever that happens, it feels like something that has been long in the making, but is ultimately inevitable. Like the slow shifting of tectonic plates or something. LOL. Well, the last time it happened was in 2008, when I joined WeightWatchers. ( Read more... )

Current Mood: inspired

OK, I admit massive failure as LJ-updater. Or commenter, for that matter. I can barely keep up with reading my flist at the moment. There's a ton of stuff I want to write about, but I just can't find the time. And even if I do, I'm too tired to gather my thoughts and don't know where to start. I'm on a sort of self-education/self-improvement mission of late... which is entirely unplanned and unexpected, like most momentous things in life tend to be. But I really can't expand on that right now, as I didn't get too much sleep last night and will be crashing very soon.

In fact, I am crashing just about now. I will make a longer post, sooner or later. No idea when, but it will happen. I promise. As soon as I figure out a way to add another 6 hours to the day, or something. *sigh*

Current Mood: preoccupied

Looks like it's been a while since I went crazy over a music band. I don't usually click "play" when people post music videos on Tumblr... but I did this time, and it was a case of instant fascination. The band is called Huldre. They play Scandinavian folk metal, and they're from Denmark. Their debut album, Intet Menneskebarn, was released in 2012. They don't seem to be well known outside of Europe, since my initial Google search didn't bring up much... but eventually I found their website: http://www.huldre.dk. You can listen to a few tracks for free on there, if you're interested. Strangely enough, I couldn't even find them on iTunes - until I clicked on the iTunes link from the band's website. That's when their album suddenly turned up in the store. It has now been purchased, downloaded and synced to my iPod - presumably to be played to death over the next few days.:)

So what's so special about this band? To me, it's mostly the vocals. Or, rather, the perfect harmony between the vocals and the instrumental arrangements. In a lot of similar bands, the overall effect tends to be ruined (for me, at least) by a male vocalist who shrieks as though he was being flayed alive. Here we have a strong, powerful, but clear female voice with amazing range, carrying gorgeous melodies that enhance the primal sound of traditional instruments (the hurdy-gurdy OMG). It's pure folk, served in metal sauce.:) Not the other way around. So, high points from me. Oh, and the lyrics are in Danish, too - which, again, sounds more authentic than the ubiquitous (and often poorly translated) English. Very refreshing.;)

In other random announcements, the new conditioner I just bought at Whole Foods (Nutrafix Hair Reconstructor by Giovanni) makes my hair look AWESOME. Now all I need is a facelift... and I can almost forget which birthday I celebrated last week.:D

Oh, and my most popular piece of Aragorn/Legolas fanfic on AO3 has reached over 3,000 hits. I mean... I can't even. I thought LOTR fandom was mostly dead by now, except for the dwarves. Just knowing that people still read A/L so much makes me almost wish I could write it again... *nostalgic sigh*

And just a tiny reminder to self before I sign off: never ever boast of the fact that your sinuses have cleared. You should know by now that as soon as you say that, they instantly become congested again. It's either due to the cold, or the heat, or the humidity, or the change of seasons, or the dust, or the pollen, or any other random trigger you can think of. There is always SOMETHING. Boil or freeze, rain or shine, the mucus production never stops. It's a fact of life. Get used to it. *weary sigh*

Current Mood: impressed

This week I was reminded, yet again, that staying up past my regular bedtime is NOT a good idea. I can pull it off once in a while, but not two nights in a row. Not any more. Because if I do that, then by the third night my entire inner clock is out of whack, and I am unable to fall asleep at the regular time, despite mind-numbing exhaustion. Which triggers an entire vicious cycle of insomnia, anxiety, grumpiness and debilitating fatigue. The longer I go without a full night of proper rest, the more anxious I become, and the more difficult it is to actually relax enough for deep, restful sleep to occur naturally. And so, last Friday night I had to resort to a sleeping pill. After which I zonked out for about 9 hours. But if you thought I woke up refreshed and well rested on Saturday morning, you'd be wrong. I felt sluggish and out of sorts all day - which I am assuming was the after-effect of the pill. I barely managed to drag myself to my chiropractic appointment, which was at 11 a.m. Even though I had gone to bed before 10 p.m. the previous night (I tossed and turned for about 2 hours before I caved in and popped the pill - I really don't like resorting to chemicals until I'm fairly desperate, tbh). And all because a few nights earlier I had a sudden flash of guilt about being a crappy LJ friend, and decided to leave a whole bunch of comments - which took somewhat longer than expected. Well, I tried... but it really can't happen anymore. On a weeknight, I absolutely HAVE to be in bed by midnight, no matter what. Actually, let's make it 11:30. Midnight is acceptable on weekends. 1 a.m. or later is not acceptable EVER, except maybe New Year's Eve.;) It's just not worth the epic misery I go through for days afterwards. My body has been trying to tell me so for years. I need to finally start paying attention. It's one thing when some external source of anxiety deprives me of proper rest... but why do it to myself for no good reason? Because I can't unglue my eyes from the computer screen?... How old am I, again??? Actually no, don't answer that. Old enough for lack of good sleep to become a serious health risk, apparently. Not to mention the awful effect it has on my mood. So, from now on, I am actually going to follow my own rules for a change. And if that makes me a crappy friend or an infrequent commenter, then so be it. There's only so much internet one can possibly keep up with, anyway. *sigh*

In better news, I may have spontaneously ordered some pretty jewellery on Etsy. ( Bad, grainy pics - taken with the dumbphone, as per usual - below: )

Current Mood: okay

Just checking in very briefly at the end of another "long" weekend that flew by in a blink. I did a lot of laundry, some shopping and some internet catchup.:) As well as read a good chunk of Robin Hobb's Assassin's Quest. And I feel absolutely compelled to announce that I now have a new favorite pairing: The Fool and The Idiot (

tindomerel will know what I am talking about :D). They make my heart sing a silly rhyme. Whether they are actually a "slash" pairing is still open for discussion at this point - but I adore them either way, and that is all that matters. <333

Also, as I mentioned previously, I really don't feel like re-reading any of Anne Rice's stuff any more... and so I was thinking to myself, why isn't there an online community that does chapter-by-chapter discussions of Robin Hobb's books?... or, you know, Mary Renault. And guess what? As it happens, there is this brand new Mary Renault comm on Dreamwidth, and they are planning a group re-read of the two-novel series based on the myth of Theseus: The King Must Die and The Bull from the Sea. Now, HERE's something I'd absolutely LOVE to read again. If I can tear myself away from Robin Hobb, that is...;)

Well, that is the full extent of my pressing news at the moment. Bedtime.:/

Current Mood: excited
Current Music: Polish darkwave band Artrosis

It's been mind-numbingly cold for most of the week. I have zero energy, very little motivation for anything and no exciting news to share. So here's my own version of the year-end meme that's been making the rounds. I skipped some questions that seemed pointless, annoying or simply didn't apply.

( 2014 in review )

Current Mood: lethargic

So I did go shopping yesterday, but entirely failed to find any suitable winter boots or clothing. Instead, I bought a pretty summer blouse (it was ON CLEARANCE, for TWELVE BUCKS, it was BLUE and had a lovely frilly design - need I say more?... LOL), a new lunch box, a towel (in a nice geometric pattern of blue, green & gray), a pair of socks and a can of tea. THIS can of tea:

carry on

Bad picture taken with my "dumbphone" (as my friends call it) - because while my iPod Touch takes better pictures, I cannot then email them to myself, since I don't have WiFi.:( Anyway - how could I have resisted that? I hardly need more tea, I am running out of shelf space to house all the tea I already possess... but when I saw this nifty blue box (it is indeed royal blue, you have to take my word for it - no flash on the dumbphone camera, LOL), I had an immediate case of grabby hands, and so it was added to my already impressive tin collection.:P

Then I watched my latest Netflix DVD, Agora, which turned out to be another biopic about a scientist.:) Something I actually wasn't expecting, because the blurb on the DVD envelope entirely neglected to mention the fact that any of the characters were historical figures. I was expecting an entertaining period drama/romance - which would have been perfectly fine - but what I got instead was a truly stunning depiction of the turbulent events that shook the fabled city of Alexandria around 400 A.D. ( Read more... )

Current Mood: impressed

Found this on Tumblr. How to determine if one is an empath. Not all of it applies to me, but a hell of a lot does. I have bolded each sentence that evoked a feeling of recognition. I have never thought of myself as an empath, btw... just as a wimp unfit to deal with life, for the most part.;) So here's another way of looking at it. Food for thought, at any rate.

( There is nothing wrong with you, you do not have an emotional disorder. )

Current Mood: thoughtful

Once again, I am faced with the mystery of a 5-day weekend that passes by more quickly than a regular 2-day weekend. I've been off work since Wednesday, so of course I expected to be able to catch up on a ton of stuff... but somehow it's Sunday night already, and it feels like I've done very little. Of course, spending two days out of said five at my parents' house doing absolutely nothing certainly didn't help...

( Read more... )

Current Mood: busy

OK... here goes another Muse video. This one is actually fan-made, and it won a competition launched by the band. Pure genius. I couldn't resist sharing.

This is how the world works, and it needs to end. That is all.