The Misadventures of a Pathetically Unmarketable Job-Seeker

[floatingleaf]

So let me sum up what I accomplished this week. Got a voice message from an employment agency whose online ad I had replied to. Called them back. Came in for an interview with a nice recruiter. Actually made it there on time - point for me (this is an allusion to what I accomplished last week - namely leaving for an interview at another agency "almost" on time and not making it there at all, because by the time I figured out I had missed a turn and drove all the way back, I was already far too late even for my own standards...:/). Got tested on data entry speed and accuracy for an umpteenth time this year - scoring better than I ever had before. Heard a little bit about the position I was applying for, which sounded quite agreeable. Went home almost happy about myself, waiting for a call back from them to confirm the actual on-site interview for the job, which was supposed to take place on Monday. There was just one more little thing they needed before setting up that interview - checking out my professional references. Which shouldn't be a problem, since I had provided them with the phone numbers of my two most recent employers. However, as it turned out, both of my most recent employers have a policy of not providing personal references for their employees. All they can do is confirm the fact that I worked for them during a given period of time. Which they, of course, did. Unfortunately, this isn't enough for this particular agency - so the recruiter girl actually suggested I should call both of my recent ex-bosses myself, asking them to provide their PRIVATE phone numbers, so that she could call them up "after hours" and have them answer some questions about me "off the record". I was so taken aback by this I actually said I'd do it, just to be able to end this conversation and hang up. She said to try to get a hold of them NOW and call her back about an hour later. I hung up numbly and just sat there biting my nails for about fifteen minutes... then I got up and left the apartment. I drove aimlessly around for about two hours, just to avoid the phone in case she called again (well, I did some grocery shopping on the way too). Which she didn't (not that I would have picked up anyway). So I guess I'm not getting that interview. Or any other one through this particular agency, for that matter. How pathetic is that?

Just a quick explanation here, in case anyone should wonder what my problem is: in my perception, it would be simply rude and downright pushy to call a former boss with a request like that - especially if you haven't seen/talked to them in months, and aren't even sure they actually remember you as one of about twenty employees they had to lay off last winter. I mean, I could POSSIBLY IMAGINE myself making that call to my most recent supervisor (or any of the three managers I had anything to do with at my most recent workplace, for that matter) - not that it would be easy or anything - but to even THINK of calling the boss from the company I had left back in January... No. Just NO. I was never quite comfortable calling him, btw - even when I felt REALLY sick and had to ask for a day off. I'm not saying it was the guy's fault - in all probability, it was just me. I just tend to be more self-conscious around certain people than around others. Actually, I tend to be quite self-conscious around most people, unless I know them really well. So making a call like this is so totally out of my depth I can't even begin to figure out how to handle it. In fact, ANY call to a practical stranger or a very casual/job-related acquaintance takes a lot of "figuring out", thinking over and "gathering up the courage" on my part. It's a constant struggle. Well... so much for my social skills. It's little consolation that I used to be even worse as a kid and improved slightly with age. Or thought I did - until I had to start over from scratch in a foreign country, not used to the accent despite having studied the language for many years. Then every phone call meant inevitable stomach cramps all over again. Sometimes - four years later - it still does. So if I get a mumbled voice message that I can't completely understand - word for word - I usually don't call back. So as not to make a complete fool of myself. Yes - making a fool of myself is one of my many phobias. Which is probably why I do it all the time. I am a pathetic, miserable coward. In fact, it borders on a miracle that I somehow function within society, or that I ever got hired at all...

Okay, I know it's not the end of the world. No other employment agency I had ever registered with required anything like that (proof of previous employment usually was enough). The recruiter who found me my latest temp job did so within two months after my layoff, and I didn't even have to interview - they just took me on her word, and she certainly didn't speak to my previous employers "off the record". So there is hope. It's just that right now I feel kinda stupid, inadequate and out of place - again...

To make matters worse, this weekend I absolutely HAVE to go see my parents - or at least call them. I haven't been there for about a month, and had only seen them very briefly at my sister's place two weeks ago. So if I keep avoiding them any longer, they're going to be either very offended or seriously worried (or possibly both). The question is, should I try to feed them cheerful lies about my current "professional" situation (which I'm SO bad at doing), or rather go for the truth, risking that their reaction will make me feel even worse than I do now. Tough one, huh? Oh God, I so wish I could just crawl under the carpet and disappear...

At least the heating is FINALLY on - I was beginning to suspect that the building administrators planned to find out what is the lowest temperature the tennants can endure for days without freezing to death in their sleep... *shakes head*

*takes off her SECOND sweater and shuts up for tonight - to everyone's huge relief, probably* :|

Comments

[romi.livejournal.com]

Oh, I see, your parents is not of any help then. And yeah, maybe I read too fast, but I was thinking of this when I talked about a possibility of you getting a new employment:

No other employment agency I had ever registered with required anything like that (proof of previous employment usually was enough). The recruiter who found me my latest temp job did so within two months after my layoff, and I didn't even have to interview - they just took me on her word, and she certainly didn't speak to my previous employers "off the record". So there is hope.

What I thought was that you were still in contact with these reqruitment agencies and would try and find work through them. Sorry.

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

Heh. It seems then that it is I who has misunderstood your comment. *blushes*

Yes, I am still in touch with some of those other agencies - theoretically, at least *lol* - and there are more out there I can try and contact. There are plenty of ads on the internet. It's just that I thought I might have liked the job they were offering... (the ones that asked me to go "off the record", that is) But then again, 1) they might not have hired me anyway (I wasn't the only candidate, obviously), 2) I also thought I would like the job I just had to quit, so...

Anyway... whatever happens, happens. Life goes on, and I will eventually find something. And the emotional support I get here on LJ means a lot to me. *hugs*

[romi.livejournal.com]

I hope you get to do the best things -- that is, that the best happens and not just whatever. HUGS