The Misadventures of a Pathetically Unmarketable Job-Seeker

[floatingleaf]

So let me sum up what I accomplished this week. Got a voice message from an employment agency whose online ad I had replied to. Called them back. Came in for an interview with a nice recruiter. Actually made it there on time - point for me (this is an allusion to what I accomplished last week - namely leaving for an interview at another agency "almost" on time and not making it there at all, because by the time I figured out I had missed a turn and drove all the way back, I was already far too late even for my own standards...:/). Got tested on data entry speed and accuracy for an umpteenth time this year - scoring better than I ever had before. Heard a little bit about the position I was applying for, which sounded quite agreeable. Went home almost happy about myself, waiting for a call back from them to confirm the actual on-site interview for the job, which was supposed to take place on Monday. There was just one more little thing they needed before setting up that interview - checking out my professional references. Which shouldn't be a problem, since I had provided them with the phone numbers of my two most recent employers. However, as it turned out, both of my most recent employers have a policy of not providing personal references for their employees. All they can do is confirm the fact that I worked for them during a given period of time. Which they, of course, did. Unfortunately, this isn't enough for this particular agency - so the recruiter girl actually suggested I should call both of my recent ex-bosses myself, asking them to provide their PRIVATE phone numbers, so that she could call them up "after hours" and have them answer some questions about me "off the record". I was so taken aback by this I actually said I'd do it, just to be able to end this conversation and hang up. She said to try to get a hold of them NOW and call her back about an hour later. I hung up numbly and just sat there biting my nails for about fifteen minutes... then I got up and left the apartment. I drove aimlessly around for about two hours, just to avoid the phone in case she called again (well, I did some grocery shopping on the way too). Which she didn't (not that I would have picked up anyway). So I guess I'm not getting that interview. Or any other one through this particular agency, for that matter. How pathetic is that?

Just a quick explanation here, in case anyone should wonder what my problem is: in my perception, it would be simply rude and downright pushy to call a former boss with a request like that - especially if you haven't seen/talked to them in months, and aren't even sure they actually remember you as one of about twenty employees they had to lay off last winter. I mean, I could POSSIBLY IMAGINE myself making that call to my most recent supervisor (or any of the three managers I had anything to do with at my most recent workplace, for that matter) - not that it would be easy or anything - but to even THINK of calling the boss from the company I had left back in January... No. Just NO. I was never quite comfortable calling him, btw - even when I felt REALLY sick and had to ask for a day off. I'm not saying it was the guy's fault - in all probability, it was just me. I just tend to be more self-conscious around certain people than around others. Actually, I tend to be quite self-conscious around most people, unless I know them really well. So making a call like this is so totally out of my depth I can't even begin to figure out how to handle it. In fact, ANY call to a practical stranger or a very casual/job-related acquaintance takes a lot of "figuring out", thinking over and "gathering up the courage" on my part. It's a constant struggle. Well... so much for my social skills. It's little consolation that I used to be even worse as a kid and improved slightly with age. Or thought I did - until I had to start over from scratch in a foreign country, not used to the accent despite having studied the language for many years. Then every phone call meant inevitable stomach cramps all over again. Sometimes - four years later - it still does. So if I get a mumbled voice message that I can't completely understand - word for word - I usually don't call back. So as not to make a complete fool of myself. Yes - making a fool of myself is one of my many phobias. Which is probably why I do it all the time. I am a pathetic, miserable coward. In fact, it borders on a miracle that I somehow function within society, or that I ever got hired at all...

Okay, I know it's not the end of the world. No other employment agency I had ever registered with required anything like that (proof of previous employment usually was enough). The recruiter who found me my latest temp job did so within two months after my layoff, and I didn't even have to interview - they just took me on her word, and she certainly didn't speak to my previous employers "off the record". So there is hope. It's just that right now I feel kinda stupid, inadequate and out of place - again...

To make matters worse, this weekend I absolutely HAVE to go see my parents - or at least call them. I haven't been there for about a month, and had only seen them very briefly at my sister's place two weeks ago. So if I keep avoiding them any longer, they're going to be either very offended or seriously worried (or possibly both). The question is, should I try to feed them cheerful lies about my current "professional" situation (which I'm SO bad at doing), or rather go for the truth, risking that their reaction will make me feel even worse than I do now. Tough one, huh? Oh God, I so wish I could just crawl under the carpet and disappear...

At least the heating is FINALLY on - I was beginning to suspect that the building administrators planned to find out what is the lowest temperature the tennants can endure for days without freezing to death in their sleep... *shakes head*

*takes off her SECOND sweater and shuts up for tonight - to everyone's huge relief, probably* :|

Comments

[alliwantisanelf.livejournal.com]

Don't feel bad. Many companies have switched to only confirming that an employee worked there during a certain time period, in an effort to protect themselves from slander and other lawsuits. Former employees have been know to pursue (and win) lawsuits when they failed to get new employment, claiming management at the previous job was giving them bad references.

Policy is policy. Your potential new employeer should understand this and should not be asking for you to go "off the record"! Not to mention you could get someone fired for going against company policy even if they were just trying to help you.

So, what to do? If you knew one of your supervisors well enough to ask them to be a PERSONAL reference for you, that might be acceptable. I think if you called one of the three managers you mentioned, tell them what the agency is asking you to do, and asked for their ADVICE on how to handle it, they might have some experience to guide you without you getting anyone in trouble, including yourself.

I have to admit, it makes me feel uncomfortable that you were asked to go "off the record" like this. If rules are being bent already for something this simple, it makes me wonder what else is happening that might not be professional and upfront. It's definitely not professional to ask you to do something like this, against office policy.

I'm glad you're warmed up too. ((hugs))

As for parents, as a parent I know I can sense when things aren't quite right. Being upfront and honest is always the best thing. Better to face the heat right off than to have your parents, who love you, find out you've been hiding the truth. Just be prepared to list out all the things you've been doing to secure another job, and reassure them you're okay with all of this. They'll be disappointed (all parents live vicariously through their children and want them to always do their best and have the best, we can't help it!), but they'll get over it a heck of a lot faster if you tell the truth than if they catch you in a lie. One lie will lead to another, and you'll be in so deep you can't breathe!

Good luck, luv! I'll be thinking of you!

[romi.livejournal.com]

You must talk to your parents! Keep them updated! If not for anything else, who knows, maybe they have heard of a job you can have? Couldn't that happen?

So, there is a big possibility next week you are on the way to a new employment. Let your mother and father pamper you a bit, then go for it next week again!

[oceansecrets2.livejournal.com]

I agree with Al, the fact that this recruiter is asking you to have your former employees violate their company policy would be a red flag to me! Unless it's some kind of underhanded honesty test - "Let's see if she's willing to bend the rules if there's something in it for her"? In which case I might still not want to have anything to do with them, but you might want to give her a call on Monday and say you took the weekend to consider it, but you couldn't feel comfortable asking your former employers to disregard their company policy. They may appreciate your integrity! If you have a friend or non-family member who would be willing to act as a personal reference, you could offer their contact information as well.

And never be afraid to tell your parents the truth. Even if they react badly, at least you won't have the constant tension of worrying about their finding out hanging over your head! And they may surprise you with their support.

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for taking the time to comment so extensively on my troubles. You are a dear. And yes, the whole thing made me very uncomfortable too.

I'm not sure I grasp the difference between "professional" and "personal" references, and whether someone you worked for can be a personal reference if their company policy keeps them from becoming a professional one. And to be honest, I don't think I'm up to making those calls anyway...

As for parents... yes, you are probably right that they would sense something. And I hate to lie, even to strangers. It's just that my mother and her penchant for high drama makes me incredibly nervous about admitting to any troubles. Believe me or not, but the way she reacts to news like that actually makes it worse. I never really meant to hide it forever - but the longer she remains blissfully oblivious that there is anything wrong, the less sleepless nights she has and the longer I only have to worry about the problem itself, not about the fact that SHE is so horribly worried, you know?...

If could actually pull it off, I'd much rather tell her about the whole thing AFTER I get hired again. "You know, mom, my last job didn't work out, so I found another one." That way she'd be impressed with my resourcefulness (is that a word?...), instead of wringing her hands helplessly over that miserable failure of a daughter she has (you might think I'm exaggerating here - and I probably am - but that's the vibe I've been getting from her since early childhood, no matter what she says to the contrary, so.....). But I will probably cave in and spill it out anyway... *weary sigh*

Thanks for your kind support again! *hugs*

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

You must talk to your parents! Keep them updated!

Ha. One of my RL friends just told me that her life has become SO much easier since she STOPPED keeping her mother updated. And I'm afraid the same goes for me as well...

maybe they have heard of a job you can have?

I really don't think so. They barely speak English, and they don't keep in touch with anyone. Anything they can possibly know about would be within the Polish community, and went through THAT already back in February. Nothing there for me. Except my mother doesn't seem to grasp that and might try to push me into selling cars - or something equally absurdly incompatible with my personality - again... *exasperated sigh*

So, there is a big possibility next week you are on the way to a new employment.

Uhhh... no, baby. I'm afraid you have somehow misunderstood this post. The "off the record" professional references I was asked to obtain are a REQUIREMENT in order to get any job interviews through this particular agency. And since I didn't - and won't - make those calls, there is no big or small possibility of me being hired for this particular position. I'll just have to go and look somewhere else. *shrugs*

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

you might want to give her a call on Monday and say you took the weekend to consider it, but you couldn't feel comfortable asking your former employers to disregard their company policy. They may appreciate your integrity!

But I DID tell her I was going to do it, even though I knew I was lying through my teeth. And I know that not wanting someone to disregard their company policy was not the true reason. I just chickened out, as I way too often do (which is also why I couldn't tell her NO up front). I'm just the kind of person who meekly says "yes" to everyone, then takes the cowardly way out by putting her head in the sand. How's that for integrity, huh? (can you tell I'm feeling extremely cynical today?...:/)

they may surprise you with their support

It's not that I think my parents won't be supportive. It's my mother's way of being supportive that scares the hell out of me... lol. She has a very peculiar idea of me in her head that has surprisingly little to do with the way I (or anyone else, for that matter) see myself as a person. Believe me, I'd much rather handle this on my own than have her try to help me. *shudder* But I somehow survived it last winter, so I probably will survive it again... *weary sigh*

Sorry for sounding so jaded... but this is how I feel, and here of all places I'm not going to pretend or fake anything. I'll let my LJ friends see the dark side... Hopefully not everyone will run away.;) *hugs*

[romi.livejournal.com]

Oh, I see, your parents is not of any help then. And yeah, maybe I read too fast, but I was thinking of this when I talked about a possibility of you getting a new employment:

No other employment agency I had ever registered with required anything like that (proof of previous employment usually was enough). The recruiter who found me my latest temp job did so within two months after my layoff, and I didn't even have to interview - they just took me on her word, and she certainly didn't speak to my previous employers "off the record". So there is hope.

What I thought was that you were still in contact with these reqruitment agencies and would try and find work through them. Sorry.

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

Heh. It seems then that it is I who has misunderstood your comment. *blushes*

Yes, I am still in touch with some of those other agencies - theoretically, at least *lol* - and there are more out there I can try and contact. There are plenty of ads on the internet. It's just that I thought I might have liked the job they were offering... (the ones that asked me to go "off the record", that is) But then again, 1) they might not have hired me anyway (I wasn't the only candidate, obviously), 2) I also thought I would like the job I just had to quit, so...

Anyway... whatever happens, happens. Life goes on, and I will eventually find something. And the emotional support I get here on LJ means a lot to me. *hugs*

[romi.livejournal.com]

I hope you get to do the best things -- that is, that the best happens and not just whatever. HUGS