premenstrual ponderings :)

[floatingleaf]

I am happy to announce that this Friday the 13th proved quite uneventful.:) Of course, the day isn't over yet, so perhaps I shouldn't say anything.:P

My general mood is better, if restless - I should be getting my period this weekend, so I am full of this shaky, nervous energy that can be either productive or destructive, depending on some unspecified factors (Mother Nature's whim, chiefly, I suspect). So far it feels productive, but of course that can change any minute. We'll see what happens tomorrow...

I need to start taking better care of myself, in a number of ways. First of all, I've gained a few pounds over the past few weeks, and I need to put a stop to it before things get out of hand. Paying closer attention to my diet would be one good way to do it. Moving more would be another. I need to establish some sort of exercise routine that I am actually going to stick to - and it can't be too strenuous, because that's the surest way to make me overdo it the first time, and then give up entirely for weeks. It's happened many times. *sigh* I need to be gentle, but persistent. I also need to make an effort to go outside more, even if I don't feel like it - because being outside (in tolerable weather, at least) usually has a positive effect on my mood. I need to unglue myself from the computer sometimes, even if it feels like I'll never catch up on all the posts/comments/emails etc.etc.etc. Internet stuff has a way of never being fully done, no matter how much time you spend on it - and somehow it's always at the expense of sleep, exercise or other much healthier pursuits.;) The frustration of "OMG I haven't checked my flist in so many hours" isn't a healthy symptom, and should be ignored until it goes away.;P (Who am I kidding on this one, really?... *snort*) I also need to introduce some sort of spiritual practice into my life, because that's just another missing piece of the puzzle for me. I don't know yet what it should be (meditation, perhaps?...) and how to go about finding that out, but I know it has to happen sooner or later. I just feel this immense, unexplored potential for spiritual experience within myself - and I don't want to use the word "religion", because that is a dirty word that makes me think of mind control and hatred - and I want something quite opposite, something limitless and undivisive. And I don't want to be a mindless fanatic that needs to be told what to believe - I want to find out by myself, lol. Whatever that means. I just know there is a source of inner strength and comfort in this pursuit that can sustain me, if I only allow myself to access it. Because living from moment to moment just isn't enough...

Comments

[goddessofchaos.livejournal.com]

I tend to be the same way with exercise - I throw myself into it too enthusiastically and then when it turns out to be too hard / exhausting I lose interest. I need to learn patience, and build up gradually, but it's not one of my strongest points!

Oh so true about internet stuff... never done. You just get finished, or so you think, and then find there are a heap more posts on your Flist or a bunch of comments and emails have come in! I tend to be very all or nothing in my approach - I can go for two days hardly being online, or I can be online for hours at a time, but I find it very hard to just log in, do a few things and then leave.

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know about the "all or nothing" approach. It's very tempting. For example: I'll never be physically fit enough to go on a hiking trip, so why bother exercising at all? O: I'm not going to get enough sleep tonight anyway, so I might just as well finish this email. In both cases, the reasoning is flawed, but it helps you indulge your weaknesses, so... there you go.;)